Ex partners new girlfriend

[Stepmumissues]

Name change for this as very very outing.

So not to drip feed, I split with my ex partner 12 years ago, we had 4 children together. We split when the youngest was 2. He was lazy, abusive and controlling, best decision I have ever made.
Ex never paid full CM as he could never afford it, apparently and would only ever see the children every 6 weeks for one night, this then went to every 3 months.
Since Dec 2019 he has only seen the youngest 2 for 4 hours, the eldest 2 washes their hands of him years ago.
Yesterday was his birthday and he had arranged to see the youngest 2 (twins) and take them out to a restaurant.
His new girlfriend was there, and made little digs throughout the meal to the twins about me, saving that your dad gives your mum maintenance money every month, and that I should not get any money as she didn't and I was a bitch for demanding the money, which is £200 less than he should be paying per month. That I took the family home off him, he was paid out back in 2011 and that I should be giving him half the equity from the house, which he left me in over 50k of debt that I did not know about.
New girlfriend then started calling me a c&nt and that when the twins grow up she will tell them the truth and that they should open their eyes and that I am evil. The twins then answered back saying that don't talk about my mum like that and left the restaurant asking for their dad to take them home.
Girlfriend follows the twins out and starts calling them names and threatens to punch their teeth in and call them rude little c£nts and ugly bitches. Telling them to grow up and flicks the bird at them.
Twins come home, where their dad has been crying in the car, saying that he will be homeless if he splits up with her and that they should not tell me anything about what happened. He is emotionally abusing the twins to get his own way.
I have no contact with him anymore as I received death threats off him and that I should watch my back, and he will be out to get me.
Do I contact him? Do I stop the very limited contact that he has with the twins who are old enough to arrange to see him.
Am I unreasonable to ban the girlfriend from seeing the twins.

[gottakeeponmovin]

It's up to them really. Just tell them to igonore what she says and if it gets too much they don't have to see him anymore

[Stepmumissues]

Actually do have twins, I love them but Jesus it was hard work. As I said I am a regular poster but named changed for this.

[Stepmumissues]

@Breadcheesebread

This sounds made up.

I fucking wish it was made up.
Everything I have posted is correct.

[LizzieW1969]

There are a lot of people who do have twins, believe it or not. It isn’t automatic proof that an OP is a troll.

[Briarshollow]

Troll hunters are annoying. They often scare real posters away. Why is every post that mentions twins automatically a lie?
I am friends with two sets of (adult) twins, I know two natural sets of (now adult) triplets and I have a friend who’s had two sets of twins, following a singleton. 😱 multiples aren’t that uncommon.

[Stepmumissues]

@LizzieW1969

There are a lot of people who do have twins, believe it or not. It isn’t automatic proof that an OP is a troll.

I know, this pissed me off.
I am asking for help and yet called a troll.

[LilyMumsnet]

Hi folks

Can we stop troll hunting, please?
As ever, please do report any concerns you have to us using the report button.

[Stepmumissues]

@LilyMumsnet

Hi folks

Can we stop troll hunting, please?
As ever, please do report any concerns you have to us using the report button.

I am very happy to send you a copy of their birth certificates.
To prove in fact I have twins, troll hunters on here that call out every poster that has twins.

[LizzieW1969]

There will be more twins (and triplets) around these days as well, as a result of IVF. So I really don’t get all the disbelief at the possibility that an OP might be telling the truth.

[Stepmumissues]

@quizqueen

Why do women describe their Exs as lazy, controlling and abusive but go on to have 4 children with them. I just don't understand the mentality behind it!

Do you really think he started off as lazy, abusive and controlling......
Do you not think he became more abusive the longer we were together.

[WettyHainthrop]

Sorry OP, your thread got totally derailed by trollhunters.

[Frownette]

Twin trolling is a bit of a national sport around here.

I'd rather take things at face value, which would be to say keep the woman well away from them and record anything in case it goes further. And I don't care if this to a troll.

[Stepmumissues]

@WettyHainthrop

Sorry OP, your thread got totally derailed by trollhunters.

Thank you.

The sad thing is I do have twins and it puts me off ever mentioning this fact again. It could put off many others asking for help.

[Stepmumissues]

@Frownette

Twin trolling is a bit of a national sport around here.

I'd rather take things at face value, which would be to say keep the woman well away from them and record anything in case it goes further. And I don't care if this to a troll.

Thanks

I have reported my ex's new partner to the police and have spoken to my twins, and explained that they can see their Dad but it will be near home and his partner is not to be involved.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

It's never too late to build bridges. Personally I would be having a mature conversation with him about it, maybe invite him for a coffee? Sorry but that's messed up. My ex threatened me and very nearly killed me. If he was in an abusive relationship now it wouldn't magically make the way he treated me all ok.

I have reported my ex's new partner to the police and have spoken to my twins, and explained that they can see their Dad but it will be near home and his partner is not to be involved. Brilliant OP, how did the twins take it?

[tolerable]

i hate this. You can NOT possubly permit or excuse this. zero tolerance.
Your twins haave seen what he us prepared to accept,with no regard for them-past demanding their silence.THAY is all the man hes ever gonna be. You have to love them,hatfer.you have to protect them. You also have to ensure they love themselves enough they dont accept shit fuck all .and thats not going to be easy. U think ,truthfylly- you should go beyond banning his gf and insust on supervused/contact centre if you can.or none.

[faithfulbird20]

Err no I wouldn't let my kids near the monster gf not the psycho ex partner.

She'll fall off her high horse and it's obvious he's been having a good gossip about you to her otherwise why say those things. He probably told her lies about himself so she'd let him stay and that's why he was crying. Worried he'd get chucked out. Don't let him meet ur kids. Shouldn't he be taking out ur kids on their birthday and not his?

[faithfulbird20]

@SticksAndStoned

So the twins are 14 or thereabouts?

Can't they talk for themselves, rather than you having to do it for them?

She's their mother?

[faithfulbird20]

@quizqueen

Why do women describe their Exs as lazy, controlling and abusive but go on to have 4 children with them. I just don't understand the mentality behind it!

What a strange comment...Why do you think people get divorced after many years of marriage? Are you going to have a go at them too? Hilarious mentality...

[SticksAndStoned]

She's their mother?

Apologies. I didn't realise having a mother meant that fourteen year olds somehow lost their ability to have their own opinion.

[DeadSouth]

@SticksAndStoned
They are 14 and out with their father who was sitting back and letting it happen. Of course they wouldn’t be sure they could say something.

[SticksAndStoned]

[quote DeadSouth]@SticksAndStoned
They are 14 and out with their father who was sitting back and letting it happen. Of course they wouldn’t be sure they could say something.[/quote]
That's not what I was talking about.

I was talking about, instead of op deciding for them that they couldn't see their Dad again, having a conversation with them to see what they wanted.

[SticksAndStoned]

My later post clarifies it more

And I'm making they point that they are old enough to decide for themselves if they want to see their dad, and they are old enough to tell him that they want to see him on his own. If that's what they want.

You need to have a conversation with them about what they want, and support them to communicate that. They are old enough to decide for themselves

[HelgaDownUnder]

Are your other children close to the twins?

They might be able to counsel their younger siblings about how life has never been better since the went NC with their father.

What do the twins think about their siblings dumping your ex?