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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is MN consensus on WIBU about neighbours and bbq's

96 replies

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 15:55

NDN, we are semi they are ndn but not the attached side. I have always got on well with them but don't see them too often since kids are older...when they were younger we would babysit for each other. All teenager now and life moves on but chat and catch up when we see each other.

In the summer they have started having bbq's regularly. Their bbq is right next to the fence our side and these are standard 3 bed semi's so not massive gardens. Whenever they have the bbq it stinks of paraffin and they are really smoky. Thing is they have these bbq's in the middle of the afternoon...I have just been out for an hour and have come back to a house full of bbq smoke (windows left open) and my washing is on the line. Even if I had been in they would still light it with my washing out.

Not sure what the mn consensus is on this. I'm not going to say anything to them, I like them and don't want to cause any issues, but am I right to be a little peed off that yet again everything stinks of their bbq?

I know I know, if I'm not going to say anything then iabu for that, but still is it generally considered impolite to light a bbq in the middle of a lovely day like today when everyone else is in gardens and there is washing out?

OP posts:

KnottedFern · 13/06/2021 16:16

When would you like them to light their bbq if not on a Sunday afternoon in the summer?? When would it suit you?

Shut your windows. They shouldn't have a bbq next to a, presumably, wooden fence.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/06/2021 16:18

no it's not impolite to light a bbq in your own garden in the middle of the afternoon in the summer ... or winter for that matter. That's what weekend afternoons are for!

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:20

Well harsh but fair.....the point is not that they want a bbq on a sunny Sunday afternoon but the fact that they have it right next to the wooden fence and that the smoke fills my house.

I am quite prepared to be told to get over myself but having put up with it every sunny weekend (and school holiday days) for the last couple of years it is starting to piss me off. Full disclosure...I am menopausal and quite possibly that's why it is suddenly an issue as most things currently piss me off (just started hrt! )

OP posts:

AwFeebs · 13/06/2021 16:22

All MN seems to be full of lately is people moaning about other people enjoying their time outdoors.

Obviously some stuff warrants it but things like BBQs and children playing are part and parcel of summer.

I'm afraid YABU.

but I love the smell of a BBQ

LagunaBubbles · 13/06/2021 16:23

Oh come on, the smoke disperses , its not as if your house is on fire!

Sparklesocks · 13/06/2021 16:23

It doesn’t bother me. Especially this year when the weather is lovely and people are making up for lost time seeing friends and family they most likely haven’t seen in ages.

InnaBun · 13/06/2021 16:24

I think any time from 12 onwards at weekends a BBQ is to be expected on a nice day. What did make me a bit annoyed was when I'd put my washing out early only for neighbour to decide to BBQ breakfast!

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:27

Lol ok so iabu unreasonable.

Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be pissed off with the smell. But apparently you would all be ok with it so I will get over myself.

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/06/2021 16:27

Sorry but if you won't speak or talk to them about it then YABU.

It's summer! We've been locked away from each other for months! It's sunny!

Of course people are going to have BBQs.

Either talk to them about timings when you can coordinate putting washing out etc. Or maybe go and join them? If not, then just sit and sulk indoors.

BiscoffAddict · 13/06/2021 16:27

The scent of a barbecue on a warm summer evening is one of my favourite smells! YABVU! I don’t understand why mumsnet is so against people enjoying their gardens in the summer? The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Nohomemadecandles · 13/06/2021 16:28

If our neighbour's washing is out, we knock and warn her we're bbq-ing in a while.

But we get so little nice weather, you are utterly unreasonable to curtail people's fun over washing. Shut you back windows and open your front ones.

BlatantlyNameChanged · 13/06/2021 16:28

They should have it a safe distance from the fence but YABU about the BBQ itself, the smell of barbecue is a part of summer.

InnaBun · 13/06/2021 16:28

Thinking about it if it was everyday it might get a bit much.

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:28

@LagunaBubbles

Oh come on, the smoke disperses , its not as if your house is on fire!

Once the smell is in my house it doesn't disperse very quickly. There is no wind or breeze at all and I have all windows open.

OP posts:

Moonshine11 · 13/06/2021 16:30

I love the smell of bbqs! Just not when my washing’s out 🙊

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:30

@Nohomemadecandles

If our neighbour's washing is out, we knock and warn her we're bbq-ing in a while.

But we get so little nice weather, you are utterly unreasonable to curtail people's fun over washing. Shut you back windows and open your front ones.

Hang on I didn't say I was going to curtail anything! I quite clearly said I wasn't going go say anything but just wibu to be a bit fed up with it...it is constant! And during the summer holidays can be pretty much every day.

Please let me make it very clear I am not going to say anything, never had any intention of saying anything.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:32

@Moonshine11

I love the smell of bbqs! Just not when my washing’s out 🙊

I love the smell of a bbq, it's just when they start theirs up I don't know what they use but it is so smoky and stinks of paraffin. More so than just a couple of firelighters.

Once it's got going it's lovely!

OP posts:

Heyha · 13/06/2021 16:32

I think it's polite to let neighbours know that you're having a BBQ (or bonfire in the old days) so they can get their washing in but beyond that I don't think it's an issue. If they had it in the evening it would potentially turn into a bedtime disturber and I personally find that far more annoying than middle of day normal garden noise and activity. Nearest neighbour has a hot tub that they like to get pissed in at sit til 1am, I'd much rather they were into outdoor Sunday lunches!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/06/2021 16:32

We do make sure the bbq is down the end of our garden though, I wouldn't light it up by the house or a fence. Not a big garden, so I don't know how much difference this makes really.

fluffedup · 13/06/2021 16:34

My neighbours have barbecues, there is a smell of cooking but it's not overpowering, and there isn't much smoke.

Maybe your neighbours need to clean theirs, or use a different fuel.

BillyIsMyBunny · 13/06/2021 16:35

They’re not being unreasonable but if they are regularly having bbqs I do think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to go over to speak to them and politely ask whether they could just let you know next time they’re having a bbq so you can take your washing in/ shut the windows etc. That said I think you should be mindful about requesting this in a non-accusatory way and without putting any sort of guilt on them for their past barbecues, but if you’ve given them the go-ahead that you’d prefer to know in advance I think it would be unreasonable of them to refuse to send you a quick text or to call over the fence to let you know in future.

PinkPlantCase · 13/06/2021 16:36

It would really annoy me if it was every weekend. I have a breathing difficulty and genuinely can’t be outside in my garden when next door are BBQing.

Every now and again is expected, every weekend against your fence I’d say is taking the piss.

We’ve had the smell of someone’s bonfire today since about 11am. My washing is currently drying indoors on the airer 😂 all windows have been closed.

crosstalk · 13/06/2021 16:47

Ask them to let you know and explain why eg so you can plan around it.

You're not stopping them but it's a courtesy they should be extending to close neighbours.

Sunshineandflipflops · 13/06/2021 16:47

My bbq is fairly close to my fence and therefore the neighbours, house/garden but that’s where is suits me to have it as it’s close to the dining room and back doors for convenience of going in and out the house to get stuff for it.
I did move it over a little bit more my way recently to be considerate but they are miserable bastards anyway so I don’t really care as they need little to complain about so they can go ahead if they want but I will
Still bbq when I want to (which is usually dinner time on a rare occasion it’s nice enough) so can’t be a massive shock to them…
Plus, I have a gas bbq and they don’t smell
anywhere near as strong as a charcoal one.

longtompot · 13/06/2021 16:49

Could you just ask them to let you know they are planning to light it so it gives you time to get your washing in?

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