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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is MN consensus on WIBU about neighbours and bbq's

96 replies

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 15:55

NDN, we are semi they are ndn but not the attached side. I have always got on well with them but don't see them too often since kids are older...when they were younger we would babysit for each other. All teenager now and life moves on but chat and catch up when we see each other.

In the summer they have started having bbq's regularly. Their bbq is right next to the fence our side and these are standard 3 bed semi's so not massive gardens. Whenever they have the bbq it stinks of paraffin and they are really smoky. Thing is they have these bbq's in the middle of the afternoon...I have just been out for an hour and have come back to a house full of bbq smoke (windows left open) and my washing is on the line. Even if I had been in they would still light it with my washing out.

Not sure what the mn consensus is on this. I'm not going to say anything to them, I like them and don't want to cause any issues, but am I right to be a little peed off that yet again everything stinks of their bbq?

I know I know, if I'm not going to say anything then iabu for that, but still is it generally considered impolite to light a bbq in the middle of a lovely day like today when everyone else is in gardens and there is washing out?

OP posts:
Amijustagrump · 13/06/2021 17:29

Our neighbours are having a BBQ when our washing is out. I'm not bothered, its a lovely day and tbh I should have considered it when I put my washing outside! Loud music past 11pm on the other hand really annoys me..

AlternativePerspective · 13/06/2021 17:29

IMO gas BBQ’s are different because you don’t get the initial smoke while the coals are burning down/when you initially light it.

When I first moved here I bought one of those kettle BBQ’s not least because I wanted to prove that I could do the bbq myself without the need for a man to do it for me iyswim. Also I am visually impaired so considered that this was something I wanted to do.

But when lighting the thing the smoke was pretty intrusive for the first few minutes or so until the fire settled more, and my garden is tiny plus I live in a terraced house,so tbh a gas bbq made sense, and although the food doesn’t have the exact bbq taste on a gas bbq, I am A, not smoking out the neighbours, B, can go from BBQ on to eating within about half an hour,and C, I can still have all the benefits of the bbq and the outdoor lifestyle without needing to behave like an inconsiderate arsehole.

The fact that BBQ’s exist means that no-one has to have a charcoal bbq, and while of course some will if they have a big enough garden, sometimes the garden really is too small and the neighbours really are too close to do so without intruding on them.

But you can still have the benefits of the bbq.

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 13/06/2021 17:30

On the other hand I not so long ago had awful neighbours who acted completely affronted at the mere suggestion of communicating the above. I was super nice as I'm crap at confrontation but they turned out to be arrogant bastards.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 13/06/2021 17:34

We have a ndn with a huge garden. They have their bbq sat 6 ft away from our patio doors. Just the other side of the fence.It's not blowing into their house at all.
And they'd never think to check for washing in our garden.

BiggerBetterHealthier · 13/06/2021 17:47

I find it really difficult to believe that anyone brings their washing in and goes "ahhhhh I love the smell of fresh BBQ in my Monday morning work clothes."

Sorry but half the replies are BS.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 17:48

@AlternativePerspective we got tiny metal smoke box for wood chips to add some flavour. Yet to try, but heard great things.
Most flavour in bbq comes from the heat and flame, rather than the coal (though some here are eating lighter fluids🤷🏻), but it may be nice to add something without smoking out the estate😂 if I remember when we use it, I can let you know if the smoke box any good.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 17:49

Also for anyone asking what fo people cook in cold weather. Whatever we fancy😂
I also use it as an oven for Christmas meat

nancy75 · 13/06/2021 17:52

@MaMelon

We have a gas BBQ but I’d never use it when the weather’s bad - that’s a bit unsociable and not much fun in the rain or cold weather. What on Earth do you cook for breakfast on it that you couldn’t stick under the grill in a fraction of the time?!
Bacon & sausages are much quicker on the bbq & no mess in the kitchen. We don’t use the bbq to be sociable, it’s to cook the food. We don’t sit outside to eat it when it’s cold!
Xyzzzzz · 13/06/2021 17:52

I’m probably in the minority here but I think they’re rude for not telling you so you could take your washing down. Mine tend to let me know and I then take it down.

MaMelon · 13/06/2021 17:53

That would piss me off - BBQs are one of these things that you put up with during summer but throughout the year would be grim. Do you consume a lot of meat?

MaMelon · 13/06/2021 17:53

Bacon & sausages are much quicker on the bbq & no mess in the kitchen

Are they heck!

nancy75 · 13/06/2021 17:58

@MaMelon

That would piss me off - BBQs are one of these things that you put up with during summer but throughout the year would be grim. Do you consume a lot of meat?
Why would it piss you off? The bbq is the other end of the garden, away from the house
hellogem · 13/06/2021 18:03

I get what your saying and as much as it is annoying you, you can't do anything about it, don't speak to them about it, they'll think your nuts! I love a bbq! When we have ours, I ensure my clothes aren't hanging as wouldn't want the smell going on them. I can't stop neighbours from lighting a bbq if that's what they want. You also can't dictate what time they have their bbq, seems perfectly reasonable to have it in the afternoon for lunch time

MaMelon · 13/06/2021 18:11

Why would it piss you off?
The bbq is the other end of the garden, away from the house

Great if you’re putting it at the end of the garden and your neighbours literally can’t smell a thing. Year round BBQs with the smell of cooking meat would piss me off.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 13/06/2021 18:53

I can understand the paraffin smell would be unpleasant ( we use natural fire lighters because I can't stand the taste of the lighter fluid) but it's very normal to cook on a bbq at the weekend if it's sunny.

We bbq a whole chicken or fish most Sundays, even in the winter ( and always on Xmas day) but we use a charcoal kettle bbq so the smoke stays in our garden. The cooking smell will travel though. We didn't bbq today but sitting in my garden I could smell
all the other bbq cooking going on in the area. Made me hungry as we stuck to salad today.

ReginaaPhalange · 13/06/2021 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilMidge01 · 13/06/2021 19:00

In the summer, always best to use a clothes horse so that you can easily just take washing inside in seconds if a bbq starts...I live in a block of flats with a balcony overlooking the main communal garden area, so summer means constantly moving the clothes horse in and out :)

ReginaaPhalange · 13/06/2021 19:00

Sorry, no idea how my reply has ended up on this thread when I was on another. Sorry 😳😳

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 19:03

Tbf to people moaning about washing. I quite get it. I think bbqs just should be at normal dinner time. It's weird when there is suddenly smell of lighter fluid at 3. Even I don't bbq mid afternoon snacks😂
We personally grill around 7. After 6 if we have guests, but I usually have enough nibbles to be absolutely fine till 7 when all the clothes around disappeared.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 13/06/2021 19:03

There is no 'consensus'. YABU.

Merciess · 13/06/2021 19:04

@Crazyhouse123

Lol ok so iabu unreasonable.

Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be pissed off with the smell. But apparently you would all be ok with it so I will get over myself.

Yeah, you should do that.
MaMelon · 13/06/2021 19:10

Yeah, no she shouldn’t.

Merciess · 13/06/2021 19:22

@MaMelon

Yeah, no she shouldn’t.
😘😘😘
longtompot · 13/06/2021 19:23

I really wouldn't be upset if my neighbours said this to me, and if you get on as well as you say you do, I'm sure they'll understand.

Much better than having a few too many gins and 'mentioning it loudly' in the garden one evening Wink

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 13/06/2021 19:26

Don't mind the smell of a bbq and they're generally over and done with quite fast but the rise in fire pits etc is the bane of my life. I'm surrounded by folk with these things, they light them daily and my house fills horribly with smoke. I have 2 chronic health conditions that are triggered by the smoke, cannot use my garden and cannot dry washing or open windows. While I appreciate that everyone has the right to enjoy their garden, my neighbours exercising of the their "right" removes mine. My council cant help as its not one person which is no help when I'm surrounded by burners that affect my health and enjoyment of my home and garden. I actually do have to leave my house when I'm surrounded by plumes of smoke and I've had enough.