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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is MN consensus on WIBU about neighbours and bbq's

96 replies

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 15:55

NDN, we are semi they are ndn but not the attached side. I have always got on well with them but don't see them too often since kids are older...when they were younger we would babysit for each other. All teenager now and life moves on but chat and catch up when we see each other.

In the summer they have started having bbq's regularly. Their bbq is right next to the fence our side and these are standard 3 bed semi's so not massive gardens. Whenever they have the bbq it stinks of paraffin and they are really smoky. Thing is they have these bbq's in the middle of the afternoon...I have just been out for an hour and have come back to a house full of bbq smoke (windows left open) and my washing is on the line. Even if I had been in they would still light it with my washing out.

Not sure what the mn consensus is on this. I'm not going to say anything to them, I like them and don't want to cause any issues, but am I right to be a little peed off that yet again everything stinks of their bbq?

I know I know, if I'm not going to say anything then iabu for that, but still is it generally considered impolite to light a bbq in the middle of a lovely day like today when everyone else is in gardens and there is washing out?

OP posts:

KeepingTrack · 13/06/2021 16:51

I love the smell of a bbq, it's just when they start theirs up I don't know what they use but it is so smoky and stinks of paraffin. More so than just a couple of firelighters.

Once it's got going it's lovely!

So you are grumbling abouyt a smell that last what 10 ~15mins??

KeepingTrack · 13/06/2021 16:52

Btw, moving the BBQ isn't gpoing to mkae any difference if the gardens are so small anyway.

Original poster

Crazyhouse123 · 13/06/2021 16:52

@longtompot

Could you just ask them to let you know they are planning to light it so it gives you time to get your washing in?

I may do this but I really really don't want to upset them. They are really lovely and, as neighbours go, absolutely brilliant! I don't think they would mind but still I would rather whinge on here than talk to them about it

OP posts:

nancy75 · 13/06/2021 16:56

We use our bbq a lot (DH is Aussie so the BBQ is his spiritual home)
Because we know not everyone wants a house full of smoke it’s at the other end of the garden to the house.
It would be unreasonable to say no bbqs ever, but it’s not unreasonable to ask them to put it further away from your house

barefeetonthedancemachine · 13/06/2021 16:56

I love the smell of a BBQ. I think YABU, it’s just something you’re gonna have to get used to if you have neighbours.

UpTheJunktion · 13/06/2021 16:56

It isn’t confrontational, difficult or rude to say ‘oh, by the way, could you give me the heads up when you are planning to BBQ so that I can make sure my washing isn’t out?”

UpTheJunktion · 13/06/2021 16:57

They sound like shit BBQ-ers, though. No need for all that paraffin puther.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 16:57

Agree with pps about nothing wrong with bbqs.

Unless.... I can smell the fire starters 7 houses away. Fgs people get gas or learn🙄

Clevs · 13/06/2021 16:59

I would just ask them to let you know when they're about to light it so you can bring your washing in.

pinkunicorn20 · 13/06/2021 16:59

I would not light my bbq if my neighbours had washing on the line, that's a bit rude and inconsiderate

bigbluebus · 13/06/2021 17:00

I'm with BillyIsMyBunny. Just ask them to let you know so you can shut the windows/bring the washing in.

My DH lit the BBQ the other day. When I saw where he'd put it in the garden, my immediate reaction was to run upstairs and check if NDN (who has a baby) had washing on the line. Thankfully they didn't as they weren't in, although our BBQ is on wheels so could easily be moved to another part of the garden.

It may not have occurred to your neighbours what the impact is on you so you need to politely tell them. As you are on friendly terms hopefully the response will be a positive one.

OverByYer · 13/06/2021 17:03

It’s not like it’s every weekend because how often do we get nice weather?
I’d tolerate it to be honest. And if you get your washing out early on a hot day it will be dry long before mid afternoon.
There could be far worse things that your neighbors could be doing that you’d have to deal with. Unless you live in splendid isolation it’s live and let live

newnortherner111 · 13/06/2021 17:03

Barbecues yes. Late night music 100% no, only ask them once about late night music once, police if it happens a second time.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 17:12

It’s not like it’s every weekend because how often do we get nice weather?

I can and did bbq in february🙈 when the craving strucks🙈
Generally once - twice a week unless it's pissing down properly. It's just less faff than cooking inside and we like meat

AlternativePerspective · 13/06/2021 17:13

I love love love bbq’s, and as I grew up in a hot country having BBQ’s is something of a norm for me in the summer.

However, I have a tiny back garden, and if I light a bbq then the smoke does go for a bit which is IMO a bit antisocial towards my neighbours who are incredibly close.

So I have compromised and I now have a gas bbq, which does tbh benefit me to an extent as I can just switch it on and bbq during the week if it’s just me and DS, and we can bbq as much as we like without potentially affecting the neighbours.

I don’t have a problem with BBQ’s and if my neighbours had a charcoal one it wouldn’t bother me, but I do think that sometimes a bit of thought and curtesy doesn’t go amiss.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 17:13

I mean once or twice a week when it becomes warm so about April to Oct.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/06/2021 17:14

I do think that sometimes a bit of thought and curtesy doesn’t go amiss.

Amen to that!

Whyhello · 13/06/2021 17:15

It would annoy me to no end if they didn’t pre-warn and could see I had washing out. I can’t stand it when people decide to have a random BBQ or bonfire when my washing is out, I have to rewash it all.

MaMelon · 13/06/2021 17:17

People have BBQs - it’s the summer. They do stink but they taste great, so providing they’re not having them every Saturday and Sunday for hours on end there’s not much you can do.

I have great neighbours so if we’re having BBQs we tend to let each other know in advance if we’ve got washing out. Difficult if we’re not in though.

lazyarse123 · 13/06/2021 17:19

My ndn are inconsiderate bastards with their mid afternoon bbqs. I don't want to put my washing out first thing on a Saturday when I get up at 5.00 am weekdays. Nor do I want to swelter in my house with the windows shut and no the smell doesn't disperse. Once it's in then that's it.
When it's not bbq then it's the fucking selfish fire pit and believe me if I could afford to live somewhere without neighbours I would.

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 13/06/2021 17:22

I'm with you OP. It's considerate to warn neighbours if they have washing on the line before you light it. Even better tell them in the morning roughly what time you're BBQing so that they don't peg a load out only to have to take it in again.

I wouldn't expect anyone to reschedule their BBQ but some consideration/communication (from the BBQers) goes a long way.

I also think it's unfair to BBQ right beside the house in very hot weather as people will naturally have their windows open. Fair enough lots of gardens are small but plenty are medium sized and pretty much all BBQs have wheels! It's purely for the BBQers convenience not to move the BBQ halfway up the garden, plate the cooked food and bring it to the patio. It actually made the world of difference when my neighbours did this and they could still conduct a conversation with their guests - we're only talking a several metres, they weren't in Siberia. In fact it encouraged guests to mill about the garden with their drink in hand.

I live in a terraced house so I've given up hanging washing at weekends unless I hang it late at night, let it get 'darked on' and bring it in in the morning. Or wash overnight/early morning and peg out early. Really noon onwards risks a BBQ being lit which is fair enough - I love BBQ too!

nancy75 · 13/06/2021 17:22

@OverByYer

It’s not like it’s every weekend because how often do we get nice weather? I’d tolerate it to be honest. And if you get your washing out early on a hot day it will be dry long before mid afternoon. There could be far worse things that your neighbors could be doing that you’d have to deal with. Unless you live in splendid isolation it’s live and let live

Not in every case, we use our gas bbq all year round (DH even cooks breakfast on it) which is why it’s as far away from the house as we can get it

MaMelon · 13/06/2021 17:25

We have a gas BBQ but I’d never use it when the weather’s bad - that’s a bit unsociable and not much fun in the rain or cold weather. What on Earth do you cook for breakfast on it that you couldn’t stick under the grill in a fraction of the time?!

RedthroatedCaracara · 13/06/2021 17:26

I am menopausal and quite possibly that's why it is suddenly an issue as most things currently piss me off (just started hrt! )

I know that was light-hearted but, please, women do themselves and each other no favours when they blame perfectly rational feelings on their female biology.

And it is perfectly rational to be pissed off at having your summer afternoon (and washing!) spoiled by a smelly bbq. I wish people would just grill indoors and then eat outside - quietly

TwoZeroTwoZero · 13/06/2021 17:27

We had a BBQ yesterday and the smokey bit, where it's been lit but not yet ready to cook on, only lasted about 10-20 minutes. When the food was cooking it had a lid on so the smoke was reduced further. It was near the house because that's where the flat, concrete bit is.

Most people here have BBQs most sunny weekend afternoons and I can never smell it on my washing or in my house.

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