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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help. Guy at work being creepy idk what to do

65 replies

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 19:23

Sorry I know this might not be the place but I'm really uneasy right now and I dont know what to do.

I'm at work. (Yes and also on here..) its quiet, ok.
I'm working at a young person's home with another agency worker. This agency worker is male and hes making me really uncomfortable.

Earlier on he was asking me questions about myself, just trying to make conversation I thought and it was nice because it filled up the day/stopped it being awkwardly silent.
I'm a little bit of an open book (to a point!) So happily chatted away... as the convo goes on he then starts asking me about my sex life/experiences, trying to get answers out of me that I kept dodging, he asked if I'd ever been with a black man 🤨(hes black fwiw). I didnt answer and he kept pushing for answers and I asked why do you want to know that?? He said something like "well you were being so open before why not about this?" I just said I wasnt answering and laughed it off (out of awkwardness/not know what to do) he laughed too and I thought that was that.. no. He keeps making remarks about my appearance,hair but in a creepy way. He just said I should invite him up to where I live.. I dodged the subject.
He keeps following me into different rooms so I'm now in the front room with the young person (watching lion king..) and hes in the kitchen.
I feel ok right now but I know young person is going to go to bed in the next hour or so so I'm going to be left alone with creepy guy until 10pm when he finishes.
Idk what to do I'm working myself up over it. Nothing will happen most likely but I'm freaked out and wanted to tell someone 😔
I cant ring anyone to come cover for me, I cant leave I'm stuck here looking after young person with him.

OP posts:

Inthesameboatatmo · 12/06/2021 19:26

Can you not call the agency and tell them / request someone else or if you feel you need to call your manager or the police

MrsFin · 12/06/2021 19:26

Are you employed by an agency? Or are you allowed to ask a friend to come and sit with you?
Otherwise I think I'd stay in the room with the person sleeping.

Original poster

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 19:30

Yeah I'm an agency worker too, he works for a different agency to me and itll be too short notice to get cover.
No friends can come sit with me.

Suppose I could ring on call but what will they think say?? They might think I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I dont want to piss them off if they have to come out on a sat night for this

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 19:34

If you complain, can't they send him home immediately? That would be better for you than if he was there, wouldn't it?

If not, do you have a friend or partner (preferably a guy) who could come to sit with you?

HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 19:35

And whoever thought that man was suitable for a caring role? He's disgusting.

DarcyLewis · 12/06/2021 19:36

Say very clearly to him that you have found his comments unprofessional and inappropriate and you don't want to be in the same room as him or talk to him for the remainder of your shift unless strictly necessary for work.

If he doesn't abide by this then absolutely call the agency and say you feel unsafe.

MrsFin · 12/06/2021 19:36

I'd call your agency and tell them you don't feel safe.

whatisheupto · 12/06/2021 19:41

You need to say "your comments are inappropriate and obviously I don't want to discuss personal things with you. I think you should leave now."
You then need to call the agency and you also need someone to meet you when you leave the house.
Can you call your mum or dad?

Original poster

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 19:43

I'm not allowed anyone else to come for the confidentiality and safety of YP.
The agency wont give shit if I feel unsafe or not. They wont be able to get someone to turn up at the drop of a hat.
He finishes at 10pm and someone else (night shift) is coming in his place then I finish at 11pm and someones coming to do the sleep in.
I'm hoping he would have got the hint when I brushed off his "you should invite me to yours" comment and walked away. Hes since sat in the kitchen and is eating biscuits by the sounds of it.

I'm going to have to be brave if he says anything again and really shoot him down but I hate that and it's going to be so uncomfortable 🙈

I doubt he'll actually do anything, I mean its not like no one knows hes here?

Oh..this dude has a wife and 3 kids too 😒😒 what a fucking creep.

I'm reporting him to his agency on Monday.

OP posts:

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/06/2021 19:44

He crossed the line as soon as he asked you about your sex life/preferences.

darcy has it.

okokok000 · 12/06/2021 19:49

The agency might care. How he is behaving towards you is definitely inappropriate. It also raises huge red flags from a safeguarding point of view for the person(s) being cared for.

Graphista · 12/06/2021 19:50

Honestly I'd be calling HIS agency and reporting his behaviour and telling them it's made you feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

And yes of course tell yours too and if they're dismissive take it higher.

This is absolutely unacceptable and I agree he is in the wrong job.

Were any of these comments made in earshot of the service user? Because if so I think that would count as gross incompetence and grounds for dismissal

AlCalavicci · 12/06/2021 19:51

Can you set your phone to voice recorder ?
have it set ready to go when he walks into the room , then clearly say turn voice recorder on . and hit the button , discreetly if you can My phone is not voice activated for this but I have used the ploy before to get idiots to shut up .

AlCalavicci · 12/06/2021 19:52

only do this if you are as sure as you can be that he wont flip

notanothertakeaway · 12/06/2021 19:52

"This has gone a bit far now, and I'm not feeling comfortable. Let's keep the chat professional"

If he says anything else, can you call your agency (is there a hotline for emergencies) and seek permission to turn on your phone for the rest of the shift and let him know you are recording the conversation?

Remember, a bully will play it down and say it's banter and you're over sensitive. But this really isn't ok

Spied · 12/06/2021 19:58

Will someone be at home waiting for you when you return?
I hope he doesn't think/know you live alone just on the off chance he follows you.
If you do live alone I'd call a friend and ask if I could stay the night or if they'd come over.

Original poster

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 20:03

Theres no way he would be able to follow me home.
He finishes an hour earlier than me and also doesn't drive (I do) he lives in a totally different area to me, miles away and across a river and he needs to get the bus.
I did mention to him where I live earlier when he was asking questions but it's really miles away from where he is and I wasnt specific (i said the nearest town when i actually live in village 7 miles away from that town.)

I'm going to get the night shift worker to watch me getting into my car later.

OP posts:

ChinstrapBobblehat · 12/06/2021 20:26

I don’t know how your profession works, @Poorkitty, but would it be possible to get rid of him earlier? Say he’s made you feel unsafe and uncomfortable and you would prefer it if he left, on the basis that you’ll cover the whole shift on his behalf until the night carer arrives?

Just trying to think of ways to get this creep out of your immediate vicinity. So sorry you’re in this situation.

Blackhawkdown2020 · 12/06/2021 20:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

toocold54 · 12/06/2021 20:44

This has gone a bit far now, and I'm not feeling comfortable. Let's keep the chat professional"

This is a perfect thing to say.
It won’t make it any more uncomfortable than it already is. He probably thinks you’re enjoying the discussions so this will clearly let him know you’re not interested in being flirty.

Brown76 · 12/06/2021 20:50

Please tell him that you found his comments inappropriate and that you don’t want him to any more comments like that to you again. Then you’ve been very clear and if he continues he can’t say ‘it was just friendly/I didn’t know I was bothering her.’ I feel like this is a safeguarding issue as well for the young people, I’d have to flag it.

Graphista · 12/06/2021 20:52

Can we be clear this isn't "flirting" it's sexual harassment at work

Completely unacceptable

WornOutWorm · 12/06/2021 20:58

tell the manager of the place you’re working
They will deal with the it
Then I’d be calling my agency and telling them

Original poster

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 22:09

Hes gone!

Nothing more weird was said apart from at one point when he asked me if I'd like a cup of tea, I said no, he said "oh just sitting pretty are we?" Which on it's own I wouldnt have thought much into but with all the other stuff it made me 🤨
I just tried to stay out of his way for most of the evening which was helped mainly by the fact YP didnt go up to bed after all, most unlike them, any other time I've worked here they have gone up at around 8-9ish.

Phew. Sorry I feel mad for having to ask about that on here but at the time it really was freaking me out, I had all sorts of scenarios running through my head.

It's not like a care home here with other staff and managers around its actually the YP house and we're here to support them on our own 2:1.

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 12/06/2021 23:12

So is someone else coming now?

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