Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help. Guy at work being creepy idk what to do

65 replies

Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 19:23

Sorry I know this might not be the place but I'm really uneasy right now and I dont know what to do.

I'm at work. (Yes and also on here..) its quiet, ok.
I'm working at a young person's home with another agency worker. This agency worker is male and hes making me really uncomfortable.

Earlier on he was asking me questions about myself, just trying to make conversation I thought and it was nice because it filled up the day/stopped it being awkwardly silent.
I'm a little bit of an open book (to a point!) So happily chatted away... as the convo goes on he then starts asking me about my sex life/experiences, trying to get answers out of me that I kept dodging, he asked if I'd ever been with a black man 🤨(hes black fwiw). I didnt answer and he kept pushing for answers and I asked why do you want to know that?? He said something like "well you were being so open before why not about this?" I just said I wasnt answering and laughed it off (out of awkwardness/not know what to do) he laughed too and I thought that was that.. no. He keeps making remarks about my appearance,hair but in a creepy way. He just said I should invite him up to where I live.. I dodged the subject.
He keeps following me into different rooms so I'm now in the front room with the young person (watching lion king..) and hes in the kitchen.
I feel ok right now but I know young person is going to go to bed in the next hour or so so I'm going to be left alone with creepy guy until 10pm when he finishes.
Idk what to do I'm working myself up over it. Nothing will happen most likely but I'm freaked out and wanted to tell someone 😔
I cant ring anyone to come cover for me, I cant leave I'm stuck here looking after young person with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poorkitty · 12/06/2021 23:42

Yes, someone came at 10pm when he left then someone came at 11pm when I left.
I'm back home now.

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 12/06/2021 23:47

I'm glad you're okay Flowers
Will you be able to report him to his agency? How awful for you having to sit in that situation.

toocold54 · 13/06/2021 09:19

I’m glad everything went ok OP

Auntienumber8 · 13/06/2021 09:24

Glad your home safe, please report him to his agency.

Plus just remember you don’t have to be nice if you have someone speak to you like that. Women are conditioned to be nice. If he had spoken to me like that I would have been quite happy to offend the hell out of him. I have done this when comments are made. They will either say it’s a joke and make out your over reacting or possibly be a bit hostile. Just always nip it in the bud immediately, many men are chancers like this guy. They do it to get a little thrill and to feel a little power.

MiaowMiaow99 · 13/06/2021 10:08

Interesting how YP stayed up. Maybe they were uncomfortable too, and wanted not to be alone either.
I'd include that fact when I made my report.

SleepyPartyTime · 13/06/2021 10:10

Definitely raise it with management, that goes beyond unprofessional.

funnylittlefloozie · 13/06/2021 10:17

I'm glad nothing else happened, and you gothomesafe. That man was absolutely out of order and inappropriate. I bet your YP picked up on the atmosphere as well and that's why they were disturbed.

Please, please report him. Perverts like this rely on women being too embarrassed or intimidated to report them.

Looubylou · 13/06/2021 10:27

Just read your thread OP, so glad you got home safely. Please do report this man, it could help to safeguard clients as well as other workers.

Jent13c · 13/06/2021 10:51

If you are not reporting him until tomorrow write down everything he said and when it all happened so you have everything as fresh as possible from your memory. Absolutely terrible but sadly doesn't surprise me. Don't brush it off as maybe you took it worse than he meant it, he was trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Make sure you report it for the next support worker who has to work for him. Obv we don't know the circumstances of the YP you were with but if they always go to bed at 9 and didn't maybe they got bad vibes too and wanted to be with you?

billy1966 · 13/06/2021 11:19

Glad you are safe.

Definitely report him.

chesteroo · 13/06/2021 12:48

Please report to the agency. This is a safeguarding concern not only for you and your colleagues but the young person you are caring for. Such conversations should not be had in the vicinity of a young person. His behaviour is inappropriate and needs addressing.

AngelDelightUk · 13/06/2021 12:52

Definitely report him, hopefully the agency will take notice and not put him on with you anymore.

I reckon the YP stayed up to protect you too, I’ve worked in a similar environment and they do pick up on the smallest thing. It might be they weren’t comfortable going to bed while he was still there too

VettiyaIruken · 13/06/2021 12:54

You must report it.
His behaviour is beyond inappropriate and needs investigating. He may work with vulnerable young women.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/06/2021 13:07

I reckon the YP stayed up to protect you or themselves! Is he ever alone with the YP once they've gone to bed? I'm assuming YP is vulnerable?

Umberellatheweatha · 13/06/2021 13:13

He absolutely should never be allowed to work with or around women again. He is a predator.
I'd show his agency this thread tbh. So they can feel the fear you felt as and when this creep was under the same roof as you as you went through this.

Umberellatheweatha · 13/06/2021 13:24

Oh and sexual harassment in the workplace is illegal so if they don't do anything to stop it you could take the company to court for not protecting you. So they better bloody take it seriously. If not, i'd report them to another/higher body as a safeguarding issue. Don't miss and hit the wall.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 13/06/2021 15:12

You need to report him, that was not okay. If it happens again, be blunt. You're being inappropriate and making me uncomfortable. Stop.

Do not be concerned with rudeness

Original poster
Poorkitty · 13/06/2021 17:00

Hi all.
I think my anxiety is getting the better of me with this, I'm thinking up all sorts of scenarios about what he might do if I report him.Hmm
I feel stupid now but when we were just having normal conversations he was asking lots of questions so now he knows I live alone with a young daughter, he knows my name and who I work for.. also rough area that I live. He even has my signature as i signed his time sheet before he left 🤦‍♀️ non of this matters though and he wont be able to do anything with that info right?? Hes just a run of the mill creep that needs reporting, right!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Poorkitty · 13/06/2021 17:02

And I mean normal conversations * before he started to get weird, so he was asking me about myself before he started with the weirdness.

And yes maybe you're all right about YP staying up if there was an atmosphere.. he didn't really bother with YP all day he just sat on his phone and ate her food. He even had a nap at one point! I mean.. I should report him for this alone. Confused

OP posts:
MiaowMiaow99 · 13/06/2021 17:03

Yes, you are now overthinking.

Still report and keep it factual.

Original poster
Poorkitty · 13/06/2021 17:48

Ok yes I'm going to.

Afterwards I'm going to ring my agency and give them a brief rundown of what happened then ask not to be put on shift with him in the future if possible (that's if he isnt sacked.. which he probably won't be)

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 13/06/2021 19:20

He is more likely to cause you grief if you don't do anything op. These sorts need to see you won't hesitate to speak to authority figures.

He told you himself that it was because you had essentially been chatting to him in a trusting way that that meant you were open season to be abused in his opinion.

Nasty creeps like him search out warm, trusting individuals because they think they can exploit their kindness. They also think that you will be more inclined to excuse their bs or worry you somehow led them on so not seek help.

Straight to your boss asap.
A show of strength is your best move to deter him.

Original poster
Poorkitty · 14/06/2021 10:10

Ok so I decided to ring my agency first, mostly because I was worried that if I complained straight to his agency, nothing might be done about it and I could be put on a shift with him again in the future, so I wanted to find out if my agency had any way to stop that from happening.

I know the woman I spoke to (in a professional sense) and explained to her what happened. Shes not happy about it and said straight away that is sexual harassment and not on at all. I said I was going to ring his agency to complain but she said to leave it with her for now as shes going to tell the company that we were hired by as she thinks that they will want to speak to his agency themselves, because of me but also she doesn't think he should be working there full stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poorkitty · 14/06/2021 10:13

Posted too soon...

So I'm going wait and see what the outcome is. Not sure if I need to put the complaint in myself or if my agancy and the company who hired us is.

I'll update when I find out.

OP posts:
MedusasBadHairDay · 14/06/2021 10:19

Well done for reporting OP. I hope he faces some consequences.