Accused of Single Mum shaming.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut20]

WARNING - reading this may cause an itchy head.

A few days ago I was around a friends(A) house for a little gathering. A has a daughter who is 11.

My friend commented to the group (about 5 or 6 of us) on how her daughter has suddenly scratching her head, and she thinks it's linked to stress, that her and her husband have split.

Another friend (B) mentioned could it be nits? A laughed, and said her daughters a little to old for nits, and it's definitely stress from the split.

The afternoon carries on and the 3 kids are playing nicely together. My DD, A daughter and Bs Daughter.

Before we are ready to leave I notice A daughter is really scratching viciously at her head, almost like she's chasing an itch. I told A her daughter can do some damage to her scalp or hair follicles if she keeps doing that, how long has it been going on, is she using anything to calm the irritation or itching.

A, once again states it started when her marriage ended (6/7 weeks ago) and its just stress the daughters exhibiting now she's a single mum and the dad isn't around.

(I would like to point out, the dad left because the mum had an affair and the AP has moved into the house. Access is unfortunately being dealt with through solicitors/courts)

Today I found a few walkers in DD hair, it's no big deal. I'm not blaming on anyone. It happens.

Tried ringing A to let her know I what I had found, so she could check her daughters hair as well.

I called B told her I had found some walkers in DDs hair, she will want to check her daughters hair, or I can do it of she would like.

A, finally called me back, I told her what I had found, and she might want to check her daughters her as a precaution or I could if it makes her squeamish.

Well she completely blew up at me, saying

• how dare I blame her daughter for passing headlice around (I never ),

-her daughter doesn't have nits for the 100th time it's an itch she has due to stress

• apparently I'm trying to shame her because she's a single mum and I wouldn't understand her predicament because I'm not single.

• She knows her daughter better than me so my opinion is irrelevant

• Do I think I'd be able to check her daughters hair better because I'm a hairdresser, or is that me just yet again trying to single mum Shame her.

Then she hung up. I'm honestly confused as to what the hell has just happened.

Mumsnet, please tell me WIBU?

I'm a single parent and we do sometimes feel over-sensitive to judgement.

But none of this is relevant. The friend's DD clearly had nits and trying to spin it into a sob story about being a single parent was pathetic.

I'm also fairly gobsmacked that she's moved the person who split her marriage into her home within two months of the father moving out. She sounds as if she's massively on the defensive about this and is hiding behind being a "single parent" (which arguably she is not anyway).

@CiaoForNiao

No but (unless he's spectacularly useless) he would be doing something to help. When I was living with a partner who wasn't my dcs parent he cooked, cleaned, paid towards bills. Made sure the dc were bathed and in bed on time when I was working/sick. I wasn't doing all the "parenting" anymore and wouldn't have moved him in if he refused to do anything at all to help. You're certainly not classed as a single parent for benefit purposes.

If you aren't planning on ever moving any one in then you are, and will always be, a single parent.

But no one does that now So I sure as heck wouldn’t expect )or indeed want) a man to do that kind of things if we were to do habit.

Co habit

So, in 6 weeks she has never thought to look at her daughters head to see if it’s sore with the scratching?? just blamed on stress?what a cunt.

I'm going to agree to disagree as we are derailing the thread. I guess there is no one way to (single) parent.
If someone moved in with my dc and me I would 'expect' them to contribute to "family life". I've lived with a man child before. Never again. Although it's a moot point as my dc are almost old enough to leave home.

I don’t think you’re going to find anyone disagreeing here!

The Mum is BVU.

Nits are a real pain to get rid of. My DD got them for the 1st time in year 8 and past them on to me for Mother's Day!