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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of Single Mum shaming.

82 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut20 · 12/06/2021 14:39

WARNING - reading this may cause an itchy head.

A few days ago I was around a friends(A) house for a little gathering. A has a daughter who is 11.

My friend commented to the group (about 5 or 6 of us) on how her daughter has suddenly scratching her head, and she thinks it's linked to stress, that her and her husband have split.

Another friend (B) mentioned could it be nits? A laughed, and said her daughters a little to old for nits, and it's definitely stress from the split.

The afternoon carries on and the 3 kids are playing nicely together. My DD, A daughter and Bs Daughter.

Before we are ready to leave I notice A daughter is really scratching viciously at her head, almost like she's chasing an itch. I told A her daughter can do some damage to her scalp or hair follicles if she keeps doing that, how long has it been going on, is she using anything to calm the irritation or itching.

A, once again states it started when her marriage ended (6/7 weeks ago) and its just stress the daughters exhibiting now she's a single mum and the dad isn't around.

(I would like to point out, the dad left because the mum had an affair and the AP has moved into the house. Access is unfortunately being dealt with through solicitors/courts)

Today I found a few walkers in DD hair, it's no big deal. I'm not blaming on anyone. It happens.

Tried ringing A to let her know I what I had found, so she could check her daughters hair as well.

I called B told her I had found some walkers in DDs hair, she will want to check her daughters hair, or I can do it of she would like.

A, finally called me back, I told her what I had found, and she might want to check her daughters her as a precaution or I could if it makes her squeamish.

Well she completely blew up at me, saying

  • how dare I blame her daughter for passing headlice around (I never Confused),

-her daughter doesn't have nits for the 100th time it's an itch she has due to stress

  • apparently I'm trying to shame her because she's a single mum and I wouldn't understand her predicament because I'm not single.
  • She knows her daughter better than me so my opinion is irrelevant
  • Do I think I'd be able to check her daughters hair better because I'm a hairdresser, or is that me just yet again trying to single mum Shame her.

Then she hung up. I'm honestly confused as to what the hell has just happened.

Mumsnet, please tell me WIBU?

OP posts:
mam0918 · 12/06/2021 16:13

Her daughter has been suffering for 6+ weeks and she refuses to seek treatment?

Thats child abuse so YADNBU - even if it was stress linked to a drastic life change and not a parasite (highly unlikely since the other kids have caught it) it STILL would need medical and psycological attention.

Also adults get lice, its not something you can ever be 'too old' for.

blackcat86 · 12/06/2021 16:30

I would really struggle to be friends with someone who appeared to be relishing in their DCs suffering and proudly declaring it was stress of their own making. I would also struggle to continue a friendship with someone who neglected their child and then my child ended up catching nits to. Of course children get nits off each other and it's not an issue but it's one thing for her to phone and say 'sorry I've found nits you may want to check your DD' than deny and let your child play with her only for her to then berate you and act the victim for you raising that her DD needs to be checked. Its a bit drama llama and blatant neglect

RightYesButNo · 12/06/2021 16:39

@Getawaywithit I think maybe you misunderstood? The OP’s friend is the one who had the affair, which is why her husband left. She has now moved her male affair partner into their home with her DD, but also claims she’s a single mum, and claims the stress of all this is causing her DD’s itching problem.

Getawaywithit · 12/06/2021 16:43

No. I didn’t misunderstand. The life changes mentioned are enough to cause sensitivity and upset. She’s being an idiot but quite clearly she is being judged by everyone around her and she knows it.

Wearywithteens · 12/06/2021 16:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

itsgettingwierd · 12/06/2021 16:59

It's not you - it's her.

And maybe guilt?

She had an affair, split her dds family up and moved another man into her DDs home.

In fact - come to think of it - she should be more delighted it's nots than stress caused by her actions.

Cam2020 · 12/06/2021 17:03

She sounds absolute dick all round. YANBU.

VeganCheesePlease · 12/06/2021 17:04

She sounds like a prize twat. If it was really due to stress then surely she would be onto her GP to access counselling for her daughter after wrecking her security at home. We all know everyone can get nits, it's not a shameful thing. I feel for her daughter in all of this. And yes, your post did me scratch my head 😂

nokidshere · 12/06/2021 17:08

But you are only assuming the child has nits? You don't actually know if she has or not? Her mother is clearly feeling judged by you and has responded defensively.

Sometimesfraught82 · 12/06/2021 17:11

In this thread you convey yourself as very chilled

But at the gathering - sounds like you were giving the Spanish inquisition to the mother

PerciphonePuma · 12/06/2021 17:15

As a single parent myself, I still don't get how you mentioning that your child now has nots after being around her itchy DD, is anything to do with lone parenting?!

TrickyD · 12/06/2021 17:15

Granddaughter’s friend who lived next door had nits and her mum never properly treated them, so they went to and fro.
Then friend moved away. No more nits.
I missed one of my favourite pastimes, nit hunting.

Sometimesfraught82 · 12/06/2021 17:15

I thought I remembered your name OP!!!

You have started more threads in AIBU than I’ve had hot dinners!!

BlackeyedSusan · 12/06/2021 17:22

Eh? What's that got to do with it?

BlackeyedSusan · 12/06/2021 17:23

But you are right about one thing....

Sometimesfraught82 · 12/06/2021 17:29

Because someone starting multiple threads asking if they’re being unreasonable?

I suspect has a tendency to be.... unreasonable!

Viviennemary · 12/06/2021 17:30

She is bring an idiot. Just give her a wide berth for a while till she comes to her senses. Every sensible person knows that if child keeps on scratching head they need to be checked for nits.

Sceptre86 · 12/06/2021 17:32

I feel sorry for her dd. If other kids at secondary notice she has lice she will be teased endlessly. The mother is on the defensive, she needs to get a grip.

Merryoldgoat · 12/06/2021 17:34

She sounds like an idiot and how you managed not to tell her to ‘fuck of’ is beyond me.

Merryoldgoat · 12/06/2021 17:35

OFF.

Urgh 😣

June2021 · 12/06/2021 17:41

Nuts

Souther · 12/06/2021 17:41

Absolutely shocking.

So she could have had lice for over 6 years and nothings been done!

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut20 · 12/06/2021 18:16

You must be feeling deprived of a hot meal then, if I have made a post more than you have had hot dinner.

OP posts:
Sometimesfraught82 · 13/06/2021 05:33

More than a dozen on a quick shoot down the list OP

More than a dozen AIBU threads you’ve started.

You’re right. I have had more hot dinner than that Grin

But more than a dozen AIBU threads you’ve stated OP. And I’ll just leave that hanging Grin

WettyHainthrop · 13/06/2021 08:11

@Sometimesfraught82

I thought I remembered your name OP!!!

You have started more threads in AIBU than I’ve had hot dinners!!

And I remember yours. You go on about how ‘very, very’ wealthy you were growing up, and how ‘very, very’ wealthy you are now. 😂