Punishing for a detention

[MSQuinn]

Year 7 DD has got her first after school detention for an hour after school. Her card says it’s because she got four warnings - 2 for uniform, 1 for littering and one for poor behaviour around the school. Would you also punish at home?

Yep I would. For a night of something. When I was younger I swam competitively and loved it. My mum stopped me swimming when I had a detention (for talking repeatedly i think it was). She took me to training and made me explain to the coach why I wouldn’t be training that night. I was 13. I’m 33 now. A lesson that stuck with me. I don’t think I had another one for a long time!

FWIW I’m now a parent and I would do the same when my boy is at school

I wouldn't for minor misdemeanours. Punishment has been served. I would give a talk about my disappointment and defer punishment if it was repeated.

It’s petty in the grand scheme.

I wouldn't consider poor behaviour or littering petty at all tbh. I probably wouldn't impose another punishment at home, but I would lay it on pretty thick about how disappointed and cross I was. If this kind of behaviour carried on, I would conclude that detentions weren't a sufficient deterrent and would punish at home.

No. This is her punishment. She doesn’t need two. I would just chat to her about how to avoid another detention

No. I'd want an explanation and a chat about not wanting to be disappointed which would be as far as it went for that level. The school are punishing her, she hasn't done anything bad enough for it to warrant more. I want my kids to chose to do the right thing, not simply have no choice.

Mind you I'd be more annoyed by littering than loitering, as I suspect it was.

Not sure, but you should be 100% supportive of the school's actions. Make sure the DD knows you are.

@MSQuinn

Year 7 DD has got her first after school detention for an hour after school. Her card says it’s because she got four warnings - 2 for uniform, 1 for littering and one for poor behaviour around the school. Would you also punish at home?

No of course not. Would you expect the school to punish her for things she does at home?

With the clarification - coughing in someone's face is assault - are the school dealing with this?

littering is obviously filthy (and most parents teach their kids to do it, look outside schools) but it sounds like she dropped something and was in too much of a hurry to pick it up.

other stuff super trivial. From your first post it all sounded pretty bad but with that clarification - not impressed with the school at all.

We did have a chat. We talk a lot generally about respect for other students and teachers. And other kids behaviour and the impact this has on other students and teachers and learning. And how important it is to be respectful to those at school.

When I looked at her responsibility card I’d misread one warning as littering and late as have a similar initial. So she she was slightly late going around the one way system and got a warning. We saw one of her friend’s earlier (well my husband saw her and her mum) and mentioned the detention in passing and her friend who is very honest said the boy had coughed in DD’s face.

The uniform was not because of the length of her skirt but that her teacher had seen it had been rolled because it’s now too baggy around the waist though it is the smallest size they can be.

It’s quite a strict school. It’s the only secondary in our town. They’re a good school though seem to come down quite hard on minor things - not that I’ve said that to DD. She’s generally a decent kid who has a lot to cope with though we try and shield her as much as we can.

I hope they come down hard on the little shit who coughed in your daughters face..

The detention is your DD's punishment but I would be having a chat about her poor behaviour.