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AIBU?

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Original poster

Punishing for a detention

87 replies

MSQuinn · 12/06/2021 11:46

Year 7 DD has got her first after school detention for an hour after school. Her card says it’s because she got four warnings - 2 for uniform, 1 for littering and one for poor behaviour around the school. Would you also punish at home?

OP posts:
CynsterBitch · 12/06/2021 12:31

I definitely would not punishment at home as well, detention is the punishment. Definitely have a conversation about it though and set out your expectations i.e this should not become a regular occurance etc

Nightbear · 12/06/2021 12:35

I wouldn’t punish her. That’s what the detention was for. I would talk to her and find out what’s going on with her as this must be out of character if she’s managed to get to June with no other detentions.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 12/06/2021 12:35

I think the detention is enough punishment for the behaviour. If it was something really serious like smoking in the toilets then an additional punishment at home would make sense.

Snoken · 12/06/2021 12:37

I would have thought the detention is the punishment. No need to punish twice for the same thing.

Patapouf · 12/06/2021 12:38

Meh detention is the punishment you don't need to double up.

As an aside I think school discipline for uniform is such bullshit. I don't see how uniform impacts learning.

Littering is unacceptable though, hard to call on the behaviour because there a huge spectrum between giggling in assembly and shouting at a teacher 😂

minionsrule · 12/06/2021 12:39

My view is the detention IS the punishment.
The offences look like they were fairly minor so I would just mention it, say you expect better but leave it at that.
If its like my ds's school an accumulation can be over quite a long period

sherrystrull · 12/06/2021 12:44

I'd be asking about circumstances. Chucking litter is different from accidentally leaving something behind. I'd also want specifics on the behaviour issue.

QuizzlyBear · 12/06/2021 12:47

I think that's fine, no additional punishment required!

My Year 9 DS just got 3 x after school detentions for crossing the (empty) road outside the school when the light was red. Got to admit, I was Hmm about that one.

Mountainpika · 12/06/2021 12:47

No, detention is enough. Discuss with her in a supportive way. She needs to be able to talk to you openly, why she did it. How she feels. She's been tried and judged at school. Don't do it at home as well.

CthulhuChristmas · 12/06/2021 12:50

@LindaEllen

No, the detention IS the punishment.
Exactly this.
Original poster
MSQuinn · 12/06/2021 12:52

I’ve spoken to her. One was because her kilt has gotten too big so she’s rolled it slightly so it doesn’t fall down, the other uniform was because her mask slipped down, littering turns out was late as she was going round the one way and the behaviour was because a boy who coughed in her face and she told him off. We’ve said we’re not overly pleased and reminded her that she needs to make sure she attends it.

We try to make sure she is able to partake in all the activities she wants as she has a lot to deal with at home. She often expresses that it’s difficult and life is tricky but she won’t engage with young carers.

Thanks all. As she’s our eldest I wasn’t sure how to approach it.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 12/06/2021 12:52

I wouldn’t care about the uniform but I’d talk to her to find out what the behaviour issue was. I’d consider punishing her for littering - that’s inexcusable.

AngeloMysterioso · 12/06/2021 12:55

I wouldn’t.

Misbehave at school = get punished at school (which they have - detention).

Misbehave at home = get punished at home.

cariadlet · 12/06/2021 12:56

Those all sound really minor. The school detention is definitely enough if a punushment.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 12/06/2021 13:01

When my son (similar age, but several years ago) got his first detention, he got a bit of a row from me (although part of that was for not ‘fessing up until I got a text home from school) and told not to do it again / make a habit of it. I didn’t add an additional punishment. I do think littering is a gross habit, so depending on the nature of that one, I might (eg) make them clear the rubbish out of the car or something.

SusannahSophia · 12/06/2021 13:01

If her school skirt is too big, maybe get another one as soon as finances allow. TBH lots of girls roll up their skirt and has more to do with fashion than because it doesn’t fit otherwise.

DinosaurDiana · 12/06/2021 13:03

You should be backing the school up, not teaching them to ignore rules.
School have punished, you need a talk about why she has been punished.

zingally · 12/06/2021 13:13

The detention is the punishment. There's no need for another.

Although you might want to have a talk with her about the behaviour YOU expect of her while she's out in the world.

Personally though, I'd chalk this one up as a one-off, and "kids being kids", and let this one go.

PaperMonster · 12/06/2021 13:14

She’s been punished. Doesn’t warrant another punishment just a chat about the behaviour and littering.

Nightbear · 12/06/2021 13:19

It sounds like very minor stuff.

1starwars2 · 12/06/2021 13:22

What has going round the wrong way got to do with littering?
Rolling her skirt up will be because everyone tries to wear them shorter.
Her excuses are a bit lame.

TotorosCatBus · 12/06/2021 13:23

I wouldn't punish the uniform detentions. Ime lots of kids bend the rules and you're unlucky if you're caught. If schools were monitoring everyone then I'd support them but if some kids are allowed to break the rules but mine are made an example of then I'd sympathise with them.

I'd ask her about the bad behaviour- I would punish regular bad behaviour but a one off for chatting or whatever I wouldn't.

sherrystrull · 12/06/2021 13:25

Having heard the clarification I wouldn't be punishing further. They sound like an accumulation of minor issues.

StrawBeretMoose · 12/06/2021 13:25

Maybe it was 'loitering'?

I'd be more annoyed at littering tbh.

She's been punished enough.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2021 13:26

Those all sound minor. My dd is yr8 and wouldn’t be punished for rolling her skirt up. They all do it at her school. The mask wasn’t deliberate so dd would just be told to put it back on. The boy would have got into serious trouble for coughing in her face if deliberate. So only the littering is the one I’d be concerned about.

It sounds as if your dd could do with some support at school if she didn’t feel able to explain her behaviour. Wouldn’t hurt to remind school of what she’s dealing with at home. And I’d certainly be telling them in an email to say about the boy coughing in her face. If it was deliberate he should have been the one in detention. Not her. Dd is yr8. A child gets isolation as a minimum for the day on that one at my dd’s school.

So no, I’d not be punishing your dd further. And if your dd cannot get home without great inconvenience to you due to having severely disabled siblings, I’d write to the school and say she won’t be able to attend an evening detention and ask reasonable adjustments will have to be made to she can she do it during the day…. And that maybe they should look further at why her behaviour wasn’t ok. Ie the boy coughing.