to want to discourage my daugter's friendship with bossy, name-calling child?

[Anna8888]

My daughter (just) had a school friend over for the first time last week, at her own request. Said friend is nearly 3 and speaks French well, better than my daughter, but no English.

During lunch, sitting opposite her at table, this little girl called my daughter names "Espèce de ver de terre" (= "you earthworm"), "Espèce de timido" (= "scaredy cat"). I was horrified and told the little girl that she shouldn't do that.

While the two of them were playing, the other child was very bossy and also kept coming to see me to tell me that my daughter was refusing to share her toys with her.

I was not impressed and don't want to encourage this friendship. My daughter is, however, quite keen on this child.

What do you think?

I agree with the concensus - what you've had with this little girl is very mild and I'm sure you'll have many and varied challenges with other kids and their behaviour and attitudes as your dd goes on in school (I speak with the great experience of having a year 1 child )

What I've found with ds is it's about talking things through with him about other children's ways of doing things, specially if they are cruel or nasty to him or others. I agree with the poster who said that children very soon find the nicer, kind children when they get a bit of experience.

Home is so important. In terms of attitudes and behaviour I think your dd learns pretty much ALL she needs to know with you at home, and no friend (or foe!) at school will unduly influence her; so I don't think you need worry too much about whether she goes back to play with this girl or not.

TBH, I'm not sure that espèce de ver de terre is all that unusual. And comparing a child to an earthworm is possibly not considered to be very rude by some people, since I've often heard the expression "tu gigotes comme un ver de terre" used by parents, nursery teachers, etc.
But a lot depends on the tone, obviously.
Still, it makes a change from the "fils de pute" I hear from 5-6 yr-olds outside our windows. The fact that it's used as an insult between siblings suggests that they don't know what they're saying, just that it's meant to be very rude, and therefore fits the purpose. Maybe she was wheeling out her worst to test your reaction?

AA - I don't know whether she was trying to wind me up or not.

Anyway, I learnt today from her mother that this little girl is in trouble with the teacher at school . So I shall be keeping my eyes open.

The parents are the worst - at a toddler group yesterday one mum told her 2 year old to "bugger off and play you little sod". Nice.

AA - I asked my stepsons whether "espèce de ver de terre" was a common insult. They've never heard it in years in the school playground and thought it very odd indeed. So still

Anna,
Sorry, didn't express myself very well.
I meant just that, in fact: ver de terre is not really used as an insult, though people may be compared to one in certain circumstances.
So she's probably not copying anyone, but inventing her own insults.
Not that that detracts in any way from the child's intended rudeness, obviously, which you - having been present - are well placed to judge.

Hi Anna8888

this reminds me of a multi-family playdate we went on. I walked into a room to find a 3 year old leading 2 other 3 year old girls in chanting "you're a fat face" at my 2yr dd and preventing her from joining in their play or leaving the room to come and find me....and there were other parents in the room apparently so deep in conversation they didn't see what was happening. Am sure that a poorly behaved older brother provided the chant for these girls.

You need to get involved with your dd and this girl. If you're unsure of this child then you need to try to befriend her too. Then you'll be able to tell the children what is and is not acceptable. Don't expect the kids to play alone until you've got a bit of evidence of nice, kind behaviour. Both kids need to learn and you can help them. I have done this with the girl who was leading the bullying of my dd and it really makes a difference if naughty children know another child has a parent who notices. If this other kid is a real piece of work and your daughter sees that you tell her off, your daughter will soon understand what's not nice and other kid will get fed up of being told off by you.

good luck, and be confident - you're not being horrid telling someone else's kid off, you're teaching them AND your own dd what's right