Who is BU?

[hdha]

2 people, person A and person B.

Person A is a SAHM. A receives money from parents £200 a month. This goes towards birthdays, wedding, fathers/mothers day, clothes, items for baby. This money is rarely spent on A unless needed.

Person B says that A should give the £200 to B as it's 'fun money'. B says that normal SAHMs put any money they get into family money for it to be shared. A agrees with this, however, A has no access to B's money therefore this means that A would have to ask for money if anything is needed. A wouldn't be comfortable doing this.

Who is BU?

A needs to stop being told what to do and have a proper conversation about the family finances, what they are, how they work and become part of that decision making process.

If this is not possible, then A needs to look at getting out of this relationship as it's horribly controlling and abusive and unlikely to get any better.

Also if B only works 3 days a week why isn't A working, is there a reason behind this?

A needs to get some financial independence ASAP as B is abusive.
How is A supposed to buy clothes, toiletries, pay for a prescription etc if B isn't putting wages in a 'family pot'?

Apart from the financial abuse how is the rest of the relationship?

Ask your dps to keep aside the cash for a few months. Use it for a deposit on a new home.
Your relationship is diabolical..

Another one. Another bloody one.

Every fucking day.

Does person a at least get CB?
B is financially abusive.

Finances should be equal and accessible by both.

What was the conversation about being a SAHM?

B: you can stay at home and I'll work.
A: ok.
...
...
...
A: mum,can I borrow some cash please....?

Person B gets CB. Person B also took the maternity grant. A's and B's relationship is happy besides this. But B makes A feel inferior at times.

B is financially abusive. You need access to a joint account, and ideally a job so you can earn your own money when this relationship inevitably falls apart.

@hdha

A has no access to B's money as A feels uncomfortable asking. B told A to become a SAHM and B only works 3 days a week but earns decent money. A isn't exactly sure how much but B has bought a Macbook, new TV costing £1300. Money isn't tight.

Why has A agreed to stay at home but then feels uncomfortable asking for money, surely they knew they would be depending on the other person for money when they agreed to stay at home.

The whole set up sounds wrong to me, money should be shared.

B is unreasonable, financially abusive and you should be saving up your £200 a month, start looking for work and getting the fuck out of there ASAP. And fgs don’t marry that shitcunt.

B takes CB and the maternity grant, forced A into being a SAHM and now wants extra money even though they have plenty to spend

B is financially controlling and abusive and given what else has been said probably emotionally as well

I bet your relationship is great when you put up and shut up..

B is in the wrong obviously.

I think it's time A grew a pair of balls and had a chat with B about family finances. You have a child together. How has this never come up before?

B is wrong and financially abusive.

Person B sounds horrendously financially abusive.

Why is B getting all A’s money as well as his own? Maternity allowance, CB etc?

And now he wants to snaffle up the only money you have access to? All money should be shared, and both with equal access for disposable income as well as money for family expenses such as those you have listed in the OP (once bills are paid etc)

Do your parents know this is the only money you have access to?

But really I think you should leave him.

Child benefit, clue is in the name, is for the child(ren) therefore should be in the name of the main carer. That's A. I'm also going to assume that B did not birth the child therefore A should have got the MATERNITY grant.

Being made to feel inferior is not the sign of a loving partnership.

B is a piece of shit, and A should leave them.

A is UR to stay with an abusive turd.

Does B pay for all household bills?

The whole thing sounds very unbalanced.

A should go back to work and keep there own bank account

And sahp needs the child benefit to pay for there ni stamp for their pension

B is an arse.

Get a joint account or leave.

My dear God... Can I please verify if B actually starts for a "Bastard"?

B needs to share the money/give A access to it. If this doesn't happen A needs to leave as B is controlling

@Merryoldgoat

Another one. Another bloody one.

Every fucking day.

I’d put money on the past year increasing the number of these utter shits as the lockdowns have made it easier to step up their regimes of abuse and control. DV seemed to be on the increase anyway or at least definitely wasn’t falling.