OH been at home all day and done nothing

[missrleanorr]

OH stays at home and look after the kids DD 2 is with him all day and DS goes to nursery for 3 hours. I've just come back from work every single room is a mess last night dishes still there. He said he would wash them last night after I cooked.

Our washing machine is broke waiting for the engineer to come out so I said he could take it to launderette or just hand wash them and hang them up outside.

I've just came in and lost it I feel so angry! AIBU? When I was at home with the kids I use to at least get a few things done but he does nothing!

Maybe he needs to go back to work, seeing he's being pretty useless.
Get both kids in with a childminder.

Is today a one off or does he do nothing everyday? Has he taken the 2 year oldnout for a walk/feed the ducks etc or have they both been in the house all day?

You want him to hand-wash laundry while supervising a 2-year-old?

I think it's up to both of you to share the housework, do half an hour together after the kids have gone to bed.

He has been home all day looking after children, if he has kept them both fed and alive then he hasn’t done nothing!

If it were a man writing this about a woman I bet it would get different reactions!

Why didn’t you do the pots before you went to bed last night?

Men are so annoying. I think most of them have this streak in them. They just don't really give a shit about things in the house and they're fundamentally lazy and would rather sit round playing on their phones or whatever while the kids watch TV. My only strategy is to lower my standards and join in....

This is zero to do with him having a penis. If the roles were reversed, you would get torn apart on here.

He should do more if he only has one child at home for part of the day. Pots left over unwashed from last night by both of you is just disgusting. Its asking for flies in this heat. Taking clothes to the laundrette then picking them up should be easy if he has access to a car/drives. Tidying/cooking/kids baths and bedtimes you can both muck in with.

I would be pissed off too! The washing up alone would push me over the edge. Surely it must smell pretty bad with yesterday's washing up and dirty clothes 😷

I would be pissed off too but if roles were reversed he would be flamed.

@burritofan

You want him to hand-wash laundry while supervising a 2-year-old?

Yep, why not. Newborn triplets no, one two year old - yep.

I think this depends on whether this is always the case. I'm always the first to say that the SAHP is not responsible for 100% of the chores, but I do think the SAHP should, on the average day (there are always awful days when everything goes to pot), be able to do at least some of the daily household tasks like putting on a load of washing, doing the washing up, doing a quick tidy up (particularly if mess is generated by the children who are home), prepping at least some meals etc.

Bigger tasks like cleaning kitchens and bathrooms and vacuuming might be something that has to be shared out and done at different times.

So if this is what you come home to every day, don't blame you for being mad.

Is this a frequent thing? Or a one off?

Yep, why not. Newborn triplets no, one two year old - yep.

Because a 2 year old can cause a lot more damage/more likely to hurt themselves unattended for a period of time than any number of newborns.

Why didn’t you do the pots before you went to bed last night?

Because she cooked?? It's usually called teamwork....

@Santastealer

He has been home all day looking after children, if he has kept them both fed and alive then he hasn’t done nothing!

If it were a man writing this about a woman I bet it would get different reactions!

Why didn’t you do the pots before you went to bed last night?

Because she cooked??

Why should she also do the washing up, after getting in from work?

Hes there to care for his child, if hes expected to clean all day and wash laundry by hand the toddler would be better off in nursery.

I’m now waiting for what’s her name from Queensland to appear on this thread suggesting you get a daily house-keeper.

Meanwhile. Time for a chat with DH to figure out how this is going to work moving forward.

YANBU.

Sit down. Put your feet up and he can cook and do the dishes from last night and tonight.

He’s home all day with a two year old plus another child (3 hours in nursery is nothing really)? I wouldn’t expect any housework. I would expect every room to be a mess. At that age I expect whoever parent has not had the children to get in from work, take the kids so the parent who was busy all day with the kids could have a cup of tea while starting on the housework. Not for it to be done in the day.

YABU.

Why should she do the washing up? Because she has been at work all day which is often easier than being at home wi to a two year old and a nursery age child. They both need to pitch in together at the end of the day.

My washing machine isn't currently working. I've taken steps to get it repaired but there's no way I'm doing the whole family's washing by hand or going to the laundrette unless we get really desperate for clothes. It can wait.

It does sound like he should do better but as you seem to think this is a reasonable expectation I do wonder if nothing really means nothing.

When DC were all I often had days when nothing got done. Other days I was super mum.

@DisorganisedOrganiser

Why should she do the washing up? Because she has been at work all day which is often easier than being at home wi to a two year old and a nursery age child. They both need to pitch in together at the end of the day.

So when you say ‘they both need to pitch in together’, what you effectively mean, is - she needs to do it all. Come home from work, cook and clean up.

Ok.

@burritofan

You want him to hand-wash laundry while supervising a 2-year-old?

You do know washing machines are a pretty modern thing? How do you think people managed without them? And he had the option of running to the laundrette. I manage to do all sorts of things whilst ‘supervising a 2 year old’. Is this a regular occurrence op?

I’m a SAHM, when mine were that age some days I got nothing done 🤷🏼‍♀️ it happens when you’ve got nursery runs and a toddler to watch.

One two year old hardly stops you doing basic chores such as washing up. Parents have being doing chores and childcare forever. I'd be annoyed too if the basics weren't done but I'd been at work all day and was then expected to do more. Team work for the bigger jobs such as a main weekly clean but parent at home for basics. The working parent should help with the children but the bits like Bath and story time etc not scrubbing things.