What would you think if a date called you cute and adorable?

[notthenever]

And you were 50?

Had a first date and he messaged me later to say this. Must admit my first thought was ' Jeez, I'm 50 and your equal. Stop describing me like I am five years old or a puppy. Don't patronise me, man.'
'

But then I thought, 'Jeez, he's just trying to tell you he likes you. Lighten up'

So how would you react?

YABU - 'Jeez, he's just trying to tell you he likes you. Lighten up'
YANBU - Jeez, You're 50 and his equal, not five or a puppy. He'll patronise you.'.

(ps this is lighthearted!)

Ohh I think PP's are being a bit mean - he told you he was shy and I think that was his (admittedly clumsy) way of trying to be nice.

If I liked him I would take it as the compliment it was intended. But that's not the answer your looking for.

I certainly don't think you're being unreasonable. Personally, I like being called cute by my husband and friends (male and female), but it's always balanced with other phrases. Such as "you're strong," "you're intelligent," "you're thoughtful" "you're wise" etc. Cuteness is only one dimension of me. Also, I'm closer to thirty than forty so it might be a generational thing. However, that's me. And that's my circumstances.

If a man who I hardly new described me as cute and I was closer to you in age, I would probably feel precisely as you do. It's patronising.

No one has ever called me "adorable" except when referring to a very young childhood photograph of me.

I wonder if he'd enjoy having his penis described as cute and adorable?

@FolornLawn

I wouldn’t be able to think as I’d be distracted by the booming clang of my vadge slamming shut.

hahahaha, that made me burst out laughing - quite eerie in an empty house!

I think it's fine. He doesn't really know you well enough to comment on other aspects. He's trying to tell you he likes you. It's not over the top. Perhaps you find it difficult to accept compliments?

Perhaps you find it difficult to accept compliments?

The thing with compliments is they only 'work' when someone is pointing out something you value to you. So I like intelligent, caring, funny. You might like cute. Someone else might like stoic.

It's the reason gushing praise indiscriminately of children causes narcissism and targeted praise causes hard work and high self esteem.

But that's not the answer your looking for.

I am not sure what answer you think I am looking for. I'm not aware of looking for any particular answer.

I'd quite like it! I'm 50 too. I'd just have some more dates and see how it pans out. No big deal.

I think it would depend on how the date had went. If he seemed perfectly fine otherwise I’d probably let it go and wind him up about it on the next date. If he was also a bit sickly when you were with him I think alarm bells would be ringing for me. But that’s probably because my DH is not one for cutesy comments and if he ever messaged me that I would immediately assume he was taking the piss

I’m 50 and would share your feeling of being patronized, then they second guessing that he’s just trying to be nice.

I wonder what “male” characteristics would be a good foil?
“Strong and enthusiastic.”

“Hirsute and commanding.”
“Such an alpha male.”

Less light heartedly, you say he’s already admitted to being shy, so he may just not be good at giving compliments. But assuming he’s the same sort of age, I would question why he’s looking for someone who’s “cute and adorable” and how he can have got to that age and not know how to compliment a woman well. But it’s just one line so if the rest of the evening went well I’d put it to one side for now.

He would have to be exemplary in all other ways for me to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Was this a text? If so I would reply, “cute and adorable - really? 🧐 I’m not a puppy.”

I'd assume he was American, they use those words for humans. Cute is more like hot/fit, adorable is more like lovely.

I think it’s nice, he’s obviously a little smitten.

@StickyProblem

I'd assume he was American, they use those words for humans. Cute is more like hot/fit, adorable is more like lovely.

You tend not to have to assume the nationality of people you’ve just been on a date with though.

I don't think I'd be offended...maybe ever so slightly patronised, but not enough to really bother me.

There is an episode of Frasier (The Matchmaker) where Frasier accidentally finds himself on a date with his boss, and the adjectives "cute" and "adorable" are used to describe Frasier. Look for it on YouTube, it's a classic!

He's British.

I am going to see him again. He was quite quiet but seemed decent enough when he spoke. Like I said, it was nice not to be with a guy who banged on about himself all the time. I think he is worth another date to give him a chance to speak more and reveal his true personality

I’d assume it was meant for someone else.

Me? CUTE? I’m 50 too, and very unadorable.

I am cute and adorable…when I want to be! I’m a complete hard nosed bitch when that suits the situation. I’d assume he’d only seen my nice side!

I'd assume they didn't view women as their equal. I wouldn't like it at all!

It would put me off seeing him again. Those aren’t qualities I either value in an adult woman or possess. So if someone used them to describe me, I would think he’s not observant or a good judge of character, or he’s seeing what he wants to see because he thinks all women are the same and it doesn’t matter what their personalities are like. Or possibly that he’s just so unimaginative and inarticulate that he can’t think of anything else to say, but that isn’t very appealing either.

It wouldn’t bother me at this stage, as you’ve said he is quite shy and perhaps a bit awkward. It’s possible he’s just interested in you and is trying to force himself out of his shell a bit. He may be as embarrassed with his attempt as you are. My now DH said some awful and cringeworthy things at that stage that he can’t bear to remember now, but you wouldn’t find a more sincere and well-meaning guy on the planet. This man may very well turn out to be the wrong fit for you, but that would depend on why he said it.

@Boood

It would put me off seeing him again. Those aren’t qualities I either value in an adult woman or possess. So if someone used them to describe me, I would think he’s not observant or a good judge of character, or he’s seeing what he wants to see because he thinks all women are the same and it doesn’t matter what their personalities are like. Or possibly that he’s just so unimaginative and inarticulate that he can’t think of anything else to say, but that isn’t very appealing either.

I agree with this tbh. It's a bit offputting and suggests he sees her as lesser to him imo.

Bit odd perhaps. Those terms are very infantile which would ring alarm bells for me too. Saying that nobody has ever, and would never, use them about me so I’m having to stretch my imagination a bit far!

@notthenever

I have to admit this would grate. It's dismissive and patronising.

This reminds me of when DH used to have this awful habit.

When I was talking about something serious - the environment, politics, world famine, the recession etc; in the middle of me talking, he would tilt his head, and shake it slightly, and give a little half-smile. I would say 'WHAT?!' He'd say 'you just look sooooo cute when you're trying to talk all serious.'

I rolled my eyes the first few times, but by the 4th time in about 6-8 months, I said 'Oh for fuck's sake what is wrong with you?!' He said 'eh?' I said 'I am talking about a really serious world issue, and you're acting like I'm a fucking fluffy bunny bouncing around in a field.'

IMO, it was like 'awww, look at the cute iccle wumman tryna be all clever and serious! Isn't she cute and pwitty. Now go put the kettle on and cook yer man a meal, there's a poppet.'

I proper lost my shit that time (this was about 20 years ago,) and he has never done it since.