Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to complain about this hospital employee?

118 replies

regthetabbycat · 10/06/2021 13:31

I'm wheelchair bound following a stroke. I can speak normally.

Yesterday I was at outpatients. As we were booking in the receptionist asked my husband if I'd had any Covid symptoms!

He said 'Why don't you ask her?'

I'm still angry. WIBU to lodge a complaint?

OP posts:
AbsolutelyPatsy · 11/06/2021 07:38

Does he take sugar?

that is insulting to you op, i am sorry,

RhymesWithOrange · 11/06/2021 07:39

YANBU OP. And the reception design is poor. Definitely complain.

Sirzy · 11/06/2021 07:39

Is it rediculous for the patient to be the one who is spoken to rather than speaking through their next of kin?

In this case it seems it is the set up on the desk which is the issue and as such that is the issue which should be addressed.

On the whole though there is a massive problem of people assuming that because someone is disabled, especially if they are in a wheelchair, they are unable to advocate for themselves.

I get annoyed when people make such assumptions about DS who is 11 and due to his disabilities have spent his life in and out of hospital appointments. It’s his body therefore he should be asked first and then I will step in and help when needed.

With adults the default should always be to talk to them directly not through a third party.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 11/06/2021 07:39

the fact that the window is too high should be complained about op, please complain, not sure about the receptionist, she was just ignorant

Itgetsthehoseagain · 11/06/2021 07:50

Why allow yourself to get angry? Why not just have said "It's ok, I can talk" and move on with your day? There are so many opportunities in every day for everyone to find offence. If we were all more tolerant of the people around us trying to get through their day like we are ours, and if we all forgave and understood faux pas rather than replaying them over and over, life would be much more fun. Learn to laugh with strangers, perhaps? Society is complex.

Guavaf1sh · 11/06/2021 07:54

But your husband did point it out? Why complain? Just let it go! Life is too short

Mooey89 · 11/06/2021 07:56

I’m so sorry you were treated like this OP. It’s disgusting. The fact that you HAD to rely on your husband because the window was not accessible, and she then spoke over you, is disabling and infantilising and I raging on your behalf. Definitely make a complaint, it’s a training issue.

Slipperrr · 11/06/2021 07:56

YANBU. A lot of people are ignorant and for some reason treat those with a physical disability as having a mental one by default as well for some reason. Accessibility is also a problem, you'd hope out of everywhere a hospital would be free from prejudice and would be accessible, as its sadly not, please do complain.

BakedTattie · 11/06/2021 07:57

It’s awful when this happens.

My sister is a wheelchair user and the amount of times she doesn’t get handed a menu in a restaurant, or people ignore her and ask me, if honestly infuriates me. I always complain, it’s totally not on.

DGRossetti · 11/06/2021 07:59

DW has used a wheelchair for 25 years.

Her advice: Get used to it. Especially as it seems (like most disability awareness) to be going backwards in time.

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2021 08:01

"I'd hope for disabled people to be treated in a politer and more dignified way in future!

We are not voiceless and we are not children!"
Well put

Chloemol · 11/06/2021 08:01

It’s upsetting but hardly something to complain about formally. They will be 7xed to people booking those on wheelchairs in, I often book in for my family member as it’s easier

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2021 08:02

I don't know what 7xed is but of course it's something to complain aboit

Sirzy · 11/06/2021 08:03

Being in a wheelchair shouldn’t prevent someone from checking themselves into an appointment.

If hospitals can’t be accessible then we really are fucked aren’t we.

trunumber · 11/06/2021 08:04

I can't believe people are telling OP to 'get used to it' or learn to laugh about it. Fuck that. Is that what we say when people act in ways which are racist or homophobic?

You are right to be angry OP. Also, I'm an NHS manager- I WANT people to complain if things aren't right or I have no way of making things better if I don't know about them.

PepperPiglet · 11/06/2021 08:05

It certainly sounds like an indignifying and patronising situation. The high window coupled with the clueless staff member (who, as someone working in healthcare, should know better!) is not a great situation and I think a letter to the practice manager is definitely in order.

Ignore the posters who tell you to suck it up, they don’t understand what ableism is and should educate themselves before telling you what your life is like without having any experience whatsoever of how you navigate the world. I bet you need to make yourself fit around situations a lot already. It’s time for the rest of society to meet you in the middle and take steps to accommodate you, too.

motogogo · 11/06/2021 08:05

Sounds like the complaint should be to buildings about the height of the reception desk! The receptionist was already dealing with your husband so continued with the questions

Starryskiesinthesky · 11/06/2021 08:06

I would complain about the desk being too high for people in wheelchairs to use. It sounds like the receptionist was rude for tutting and then not asking you about symptoms so you could complain about that too. Sounds like she needs training anyway.

So yes, I’m with you, complain!
(And I work for the NHS!)

CreamPantsuit · 11/06/2021 08:07

There are some very shitty attitudes on here.

My partner is deaf but can lip read like a pro. The number of times we have gone to a shop/cafe/restaurant and the staff turn to me and ask me what he wants - it's astounding. I usually just say something like "he probably knows better than I do". People just assume he can't speak for himself even though he's just walked up to the counter and ordered.

I work in healthcare including with people with severe dementia and communication difficulties. If the person is there I will always address them directly even if I know they can't answer me. The carer/relative can then chime in as needed.

CreamPantsuit · 11/06/2021 08:09

Sorry, I made that all about me but bottom line is YANBU at all.

FrumpyBetty · 11/06/2021 08:10

Yes I'd complain about that. It's a terrible way to treat someone. It's hard enough navigating the world without having to deal with shitty attitudes too.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/06/2021 08:32

I would complain about the reception desk not being accessible there should be a reasonable adjustment made.

My best friend growing was in a wheelchair and I had hoped this had gone away in the last 40+ years. We used to deal with it by me repeating the question to her, she would answer me and I would repeat her answer word for word to the questioner. They usually got the message.

Landslidelife · 11/06/2021 08:37

I would probably complain not about the individual member of staff but the situation as its clear that theirs a clear learning need and adaptions to the reception desk to make it wheelchair /disabled friendly. I always thought I'd get more understanding in a hospital being in a wheelchair but that doesn't always happen.
It makes it hard enough being in a wheelchair /disabled without being ignored /huffed and puffed at/talked to like a child.
My mum often takes me to reception /tills in a shop and turns around so they have to speak to me. This is because she got very cross with someone once and told them 'she's got a degree you know, she's not stupid' so now she takes a step back.
I've found that often I have to let it pass over me because otherwise it would get very frustrating/make me angry.
I think you and your husband need a plan to how you'll deal with these situations /prevent them from happening. You shouldn't have to however you need coping strategies /to put your mh first. Sometimes it feels that that is the easiest way out and sometimes protecting yourself must come above educating others and sometimes you've got the headspace /Time to educate. I don't believe as disabled people we have to educate everyone we meet it should be a case by case decision.

Eskarina1 · 11/06/2021 08:41

I've been the manager on the receiving end of a complaint like this. Noone got into shit for it. It was a training need as it's natural to reply to the person talking to you.

As a carer, I've seen the impact when my relatives are ignored in discussions about their own care (I've also seen it done incredibly well and fed back about it). Yes the NHS and the people working in it are under huge pressure but that doesn't mean people should lose the right to basic dignity in their treatment.

mumwon · 11/06/2021 08:42

context - did your dh speak to her? (she still should/could have said said have either etc) but she could have just misspoke (busy day & feeling harassed - too many patients, tricky patients before - &- volunteers workplace experience)
Do feedback - it should be a learning curve or remind her tactfully at time
Complaints are for more serious issues - where someone is deliberately offensive or just plain ignorant in this kind of case.