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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with a cough (after testing negative)?

99 replies

MooseBreath · 10/06/2021 12:45

12mo DS and I have a cough. We had PCR tests on Monday and have since received negative results. DS is allowed back at nursery and I am allowed back at work.

We went to the playground to go on the swings this morning and we received so many dirty looks from other parents. I overheard one mum tell her toddler to stay away from the swings (all 6 of them!) because she would get the virus. I didn't say anything because I was keeping my distance from people.

But honestly, it's a cold! Are we supposed to just stay inside with colds now? Because DS started nursery just over a month ago and is picking up every bug around. He's pretty much spent the first 11 months of his life hiding away - surely it's ok that we go out and about with a cold now? AIBU?

Yes, yes, I know this could go in the Covid topic, but it's literally about not having Covid.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseBreath · 10/06/2021 15:05

I do understand why the woman wouldn't want her child near enough to us to catch our cold, but to tell a toddler that we have "the virus"? And all the dirty looks? Honestly. I cough into my sleeve and DS is far enough away that it shouldn't be an issue. We're well enough to be out and about.

OP posts:
RoomOfRequirement · 10/06/2021 15:21

If your child coughs all over the swing then the next child puts their hands there and to their mouth - as kids do - they now have covid symptoms and have to isolate/test. Family missing work/school.

Obviously saying you do have 'the virus' isn't correct, but she's explaining to a toddler in a way he can understand to stay away. You don't have 'the' virus, but you do have a virus.

And I'm happy to make it a bit more normal to stay away from others/wear masks if possible when we do have a cold because the rest of the world doesn't want that, either.

jumpbounce · 10/06/2021 15:30

They may not know you have had a negative test, they may not want to catch the same cough which would lead to them having to isolate while awaiting tests then and potentially messing up plans. Many reasons.
We have a DC who has shielded during the pandemic but even before covid would have avoided people with coughs and colds if at all possible and our friends always warned us before meeting up if any of their DC had respiratory symptoms so we could make our own decision on whether to meet or not because our DC ends up in hospital when they contract coughs/colds so maybe the family could also be in this position and didn't think it was related to covid at all.
They didn't ask you to leave the park, they dealt with it by way of telling their own children to stay away so I don't really see the issue.

fashionablefennel · 10/06/2021 15:44

but to tell a toddler that we have "the virus"?
What else do you want her to say exactly?

And all the dirty looks?
sounds like you were too close, coughing in sleeve or not.

HazeyJaneII · 10/06/2021 15:49

If ds wanted to know why he couldn't go on the swings, I would probably say something like, 'remember we have to be careful because of the virus'. I don't think it's not so outlandish to say something like, 'someone coughing might have the virus'

HugeAckmansWife · 10/06/2021 16:03

I think there is a real danger that we are tipping over into a world where people think it should be a reasonable expectation to never come to contact with other people or germs of any kind and if you act in a way that might compromise that then you are 'selfish' (which seems to be the worst thing you can be accused of at the moment). Living in a society means accepting a normal level of interaction. Colds and coughs are normal. Being laid up feeling shit for a week is annoying but normal every once in a while. The level of isolation and paranoia we'd have to accept to ensure zero transmission of anything ever is unrealistic and definitely undesirable.

fashionablefennel · 10/06/2021 16:10

I think there is a real danger that we are tipping over into a world where people think it should be a reasonable expectation to never come to contact with other people or germs of any kind and if you act in a way that might compromise that then you are 'selfish'

About time.

We had years of selfish parents sending sick kids to school and spreading germs, illness, D&V...

years of idiots coughing and spluttering on you in public transport. If the pandemic changes all that to make it REALLY socially unacceptable, it would be a huge progress.

We have just about got rid of people spitting or smoking, it CAN be done.

Original poster
MooseBreath · 10/06/2021 16:17

This is just a cough though. Not D&V, not a fever, not chicken pox, not the flu. If I tried to pull my child from school over this, they would fine me. If I tried to get my child a doctor's appointment over this, they would say I was wasting time and resources. If I said I wanted a sick day at work over this, they would laugh in my face. This is a cold. We need to get over this irrational fear.

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 10/06/2021 16:20

I'm happy to make it a bit more normal to stay away from others/wear masks if possible when we do have a cold because the rest of the world doesn't want that, either.

So have you never caught a cough or cold in your life? Never been out in winter? Never been on public transport?

Covid has pricked everyone’s germ sensors to the max.

We survived before it and we will after, relax.

Tiari · 10/06/2021 16:20

I must admit I really don't understand how the testing works? If OP and DS tested negative on Monday, how does OP know they're still negative a day or two later?
In other words, what if anyone (not just OP) catches covid shortly after the test?
How exactly does the test help?

HazeyJaneII · 10/06/2021 16:20

Yes, but it is a cough at a time when that is a symptom of a highly infectious virus, which has caused a huge amount of disruption and can be extremely dangerous, especially for vulnerable people ....yes school might fine you, your Dr think your a time waster etc, because they know you have had a negative test - random person in the park doesn't know that and so distancing themselves from you is a sensible thing to do.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/06/2021 16:21

If they catch the cough then they have to go through the whole rigmarole of testing and isolation until they get their own esults. Noone wants to have to do that. It can make the difference between having enough money to eat that week for some, never mind having to miss things theyve planned.

cookiecreampie · 10/06/2021 16:24

Yanbu. It's on them to keep away from you if they're concerned about getting the virus, not on you to stay indoors as you have tested negative.

Starlight86 · 10/06/2021 16:25

If people are that wary about germs then dont go out!!!!!

Sit in your house with your kids and stare at the wall, for god sakes we all have to move on and accept there will be germs everywhere.

5 mins before OP turned up someone WITh covid could have been on these swings and left their germs but because they dint see them coughing then all is well.

these people need to get a grip!

OP, go out and live your best life.

JaneTheVirgin · 10/06/2021 16:28

Yanbu. It's on them to keep away from you if they're concerned about getting the virus, not on you to stay indoors as you have tested negative.

Which is what they did

fashionablefennel · 10/06/2021 16:31

@MooseBreath

This is just a cough though. Not D&V, not a fever, not chicken pox, not the flu. If I tried to pull my child from school over this, they would fine me. If I tried to get my child a doctor's appointment over this, they would say I was wasting time and resources. If I said I wanted a sick day at work over this, they would laugh in my face. This is a cold. We need to get over this irrational fear.
again, HOW are people supposed to guess that "it's just a cold?"?

It's not irrational to know that when your own kid starts to cough, you HAVE to get them tested - or keep them home for 2 weeks. No one is telling you to go and see a doctor, but you can't moan that other people stay away from you or your kid when you are coughing too close.

My work wouldn't allow you in the office with an untested cough either btw.

Take some responsibility and accept the world doesn't revolve around you. What you do has consequences on other people.

Most parents who test their kids are pretty certain it's not Covid, but it's not the point at all.

fashionablefennel · 10/06/2021 16:34

Starlight86

it doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.
You might not have bothered with hand washing and basic hygiene with your own kids, the rest of us have. Why increasing the risk of catching anything when you can avoid it with simple steps?

RoomOfRequirement · 10/06/2021 16:34

*So have you never caught a cough or cold in your life? Never been out in winter? Never been on public transport?

Covid has pricked everyone’s germ sensors to the max.

We survived before it and we will after, relax*

Don't be ridiculous, of course I've had a cough and cold before. And felt awful with them, the same as just about everyone else.

I didn't say OP shouldn't have gone out, I said if you have a virus, stay away from others and wear a mask (which was not aimed at OP who was outside, but at society generally). Why is that bad?

You're saying covid has caused peoples germ sensors to be high which is true. But maybe we didn't have the balance correct in the first place and some of the things we've learned from covid - we can keep.

HareofEasttown · 10/06/2021 16:38

Of course you stay in. No question. Why would you want to worry others? Also, they won't want your cough!

Starlight86 · 10/06/2021 16:40

@fashionablefennel

Starlight86

it doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.
You might not have bothered with hand washing and basic hygiene with your own kids, the rest of us have. Why increasing the risk of catching anything when you can avoid it with simple steps?

Im sorry?? We have always practiced and taught our children hand-washing and basic hygiene so i have no idea where you got that theory.

Our children need common germs to help develop the immune system, of course im not talking about serious and life limiting conditions but the common cold is normal.

Why run the risk of being hit by a bus, lets just all stay inside where its safe....

Megan2018 · 10/06/2021 16:41

DD are 3 weeks in to a cough, it’s driving us mad. She had croup and had hospital treatment and steroids, I have had antibiotics. We’ve been told it could last weeks yet. It’s not Covid, but it’s horrible being out.
I’m not staying home any longer though (we were home for over a week when acutely ill, we now feel fine but have a legacy cough).
I feel I want to wear a badge to declare its not Covid.

Starlight86 · 10/06/2021 16:41

@HareofEasttown

Of course you stay in. No question. Why would you want to worry others? Also, they won't want your cough!
Seriously. I honestly cant get over the audacity of some people.

I honestly laugh in dismay because our society is doomed, what about people with an asthmatic cough, or a chronic cough, have they to live in exile??

jajabanks · 10/06/2021 16:42

This would have been a none issue before covid. I would go out.

CornishGem1975 · 10/06/2021 16:43

Would I stay in with a cough when I know it's not COVID, nope, or else my kids would never be able to leave the house. My son has had a near-constant cough since January.

Have I ALWAYS tried to distance my children from those that are obviously full of an illness. Of course. We didn't need COVID to teach us that (or maybe we did seeing as need handwashing guidance.)

If people are petrified of getting COVID when you're outside, where it is proven the risk of transmission is ultra ultra-low, then they either need to get a grip or stay at home.

fashionablefennel · 10/06/2021 16:43

Starlight86

well, if you naturally don't move away from coughing people, pandemic or not, one can wonder about your idea of hygiene 🤷

Pretending that "coughing" is a common cold issue, in the middle of the current pandemic, is just stupid.