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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum staying with a broken ankle

85 replies

jessieb90 · 10/06/2021 12:15

Hi everyone,

My family are from and live in the South, whereas I now live in the North.

Im expecting my first child imminently and this will also be the first grandchild/ nephew for my siblings. We've always planned for my family to travel up more or less as soon as we come home from the hospital (give a day or two) so they can meet little man and I can see them as well (COVID has meant I've only seen them twice throughout my pregnancy).

The plan was for my family to stay in the local B&B which is situated literally next door, but since this my mum has severely broken her ankle and has had to have an operation. Knowing my mum, she'll still want to come up and I also want her too. My sister said if that's the case she can't stay in the B&B and would be better staying with us (which I agree with).

My partner on the other hand is saying that this is not an option as it will be far too stressful for us with a newborn and having to "wait" on my mum as she won't be capable of doing anything herself. I think he's being unreasonable to not allow my mum to stay and it's stressing me out.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:

Ickythefirebobby · 10/06/2021 13:28

You’re being unreasonable for calling your baby little man. God I hate that phrase. My FIL calls my son big man. It hate it.

Your husband sounds extremely sensible. It’s completely crazy to have visitors when you’re just home with your baby. You should be taking the chance to have the time as a new family rather than entertaining visitors. Especially with FaceTime etc. It’s not like your family won’t be able to see the baby at all.

Also, your mum’s injury will be extremely painful. She should be at home recovering with her leg up. She won’t be able to relax away from home I wouldn’t have thought.

namechange30455 · 10/06/2021 13:29

You're talking about your partner stressing you out, but you're stressing your partner out by giving him an extra person to look after when he's already got you and a newborn - can you not see that?

I'd be horrified if 4 of my partner's family members descended for several days when we had a tiny newborn let alone one with a broken ankle that needed waiting on!

Longdistance · 10/06/2021 13:33

No chance. She’ll need waiting on hand and foot and you’ll just have a newborn to deal with. It might fall on your dp and I don’t blame him for wanting her to not come in that situation.

Mulhollandmagoo · 10/06/2021 13:34

I think your husband is right, but I do feel really sorry for you OP I completely understand why you're emotional I'd be upset too. It might just mean your parents and siblings will need to wait a few weeks, rather than a few days and maybe look into you going down there if you're feeling up to it? There are no guarantees at all with either your birth/recovery or your mums recovery - you could both take much longer to recover or you both might be back up and running much quicker than you expect. you can't make any decisions right now because you don't know yet what you have to work with.

tcjotm · 10/06/2021 13:39

Appreciate you wanting to have your mum there but don’t underestimate the difficulty. She’ll need to have her foot elevated a lot of the day (which makes the journey problematic). Depending on the size of your home will make her take up even more room. I had to have chairs all over the place so I could kneel to brush my teeth, kneel at the kitchen sink, a chair to sit on and one to prop my leg up on. Fine in your own home but not what the most well-meaning people want to deal with when they are pacing the house with a newborn. Getting up to go to the loo becomes a massive palaver. Plus nagging ankle pain is draining, crutches are bloody exhausting, medication makes you out of it. I was so miserable I nearly drove myself insane when I hurt my ankle, I could never have inflicted myself on a brand new mother as much as I’m sure your mum wants to be there for you. I think staying elsewhere would be manageable but the travel concerns me if she comes too soon.

Very glad to hear surgery went well OP. And very exciting you’ll soon meet your baby.

billy1966 · 10/06/2021 13:45

OP,
Your poor mother.
She is going to be in some pain.
There is no way she will want to do that journey.

She really needs to rest and give her ankle time to properly heal.

If she doesn't she will so regret it.

Bestvof luck.

stackemhigh · 10/06/2021 13:45

Sounds like you realise you were BU, but I'm with your partner, bringing a temporary invalid into the house who will need everything done for them with a newborn in the mix is madness.

fabulousathome · 10/06/2021 13:51

Surely just best to wait until your Mum is more mobile.

purplecorkheart · 10/06/2021 13:51

Also bear in mind that your Mom may have follow up appointments etc in the hospital quite regularly.

hiredandsqueak · 10/06/2021 13:56

Your Mum will be in a lot of pain initially (I remember it well) Also I doubt the hospital will want her making a long journey as she needs to keep her foot elevated which will be pretty much impossible in a car. She should stay at home with those who care for her definitely not coming to stay with you when you have just had a baby..

Jennyfromtheculdesac · 10/06/2021 13:59

If your mum is not usually hard work then this could be fine. She can’t help you round the house, but she can sit and hold the baby whilst you have a shower, etc. And you and your husband are going to need to eat. Cooking for one more isn’t really any more work.

I do think you need to wait and see how you feel after the birth though.

quizqueen · 10/06/2021 14:02

Find them some 'suggested' suitable ground floor booked accommodation for your family with meals included and who ever looks after your mum normally should continue to do so, and that is not you or your husband. They can pop over to you for a few hours visit then.

longtompot · 10/06/2021 14:03

When I broke my ankle over 10 years ago now, I would not have been going anywhere of any distance. My foot would swell up a lot and I had a lot of pain. It's unfortunate timing for to break her ankle just when you are about to give birth but I think visiting will have to wait until one of you is feeling well enough to travel. It would probably be better for you to go and visit her and stay nearby tbh.
Hope you manage to work something out and your birth goes well.

knittingaddict · 10/06/2021 14:07

The journey would still be an issue though and I don't think the mum should attempt it. Some people will do things that are not in their best interests and maybe all the people around mum should be strongly encouraging her NOT to take a chance on it being ok to travel.

Only two days ago I was talking to the medical staff in the fracture clinic about how much worse it is when older bones break and just how slow and painful recovery is. This can't be taken lightly.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/06/2021 14:09

I agree. Talk to your mum in the next couple of days. It should be all about her at least until the baby arrives.
I wouldn't make any plans at all for the first two weeks, then discuss. You will both be in a better position to be realistic about timeframes then and who should go where and for how long. I the meantime you can have lots of lovely chats on zoom with your mum. She'll be bored and breastfeeding can take an age 😉
Best of luck on Sunday

Funfortheroad · 10/06/2021 14:14

Terrible timing and I really feel for you. But speaking from experience your mum would be insane to do the journey and visit so soon. Give it a few weeks till she's at least able to hobble around with crutches and minimal pain.

If nothing else, she's quite vulnerable to having a blood clot due to the combination of age, fracture, surgery and immobility. If you add a long journey into that, you'll increase the risk to her.

Beautiful3 · 10/06/2021 14:16

She has broken her ankle, so will require lots of support. Your husbands correct, he'll end up waiting on her! Ask them to postpone until she's healed.

Hooplabum · 10/06/2021 14:50

100% on your DH side. It’s his first child too! He has a bigger right than your mother to bond with the baby first and will be feeling unsure enough himself anyway. The last thing he needs is your entire family watching him and pushing him out, because that is what would happen in any family with the new mum, the sister and the grandmother all in the same house 24\7.
Plus agree with other posts - your mum may not be able to take weight / manage stairs / is there space to get a walking frame into the toilet? What happens if she needs a wee during the night? Will you be getting up to toilet her as well as feed the baby?! For the sake of your family ie you, your DH and the baby - don’t go there. The extended family can stay elsewhere.

YanTanTethera123 · 10/06/2021 14:57

@jessieb90

Thanks guys! Just to be clear my other family members (bar 1 to stay here with my mum) would be staying at the B&B.

I'm now beginning to think mum won't even be up for it as she'll need pins and the journey is 3.5 hours (without stopping and without traffic) so she probably won't want to anyway! So doctors probably won't advise it.

Thanks for your opinions!

When I smashed my ankle sitting in the car for 30 minutes together home was agony, I wouldn’t think it at all advisable for your mum to do that journey. My was excruciatingly painful for weeks despite brufen, tramadol, paracetamol and oramorph so trying to manage on crutches in a strange house will be very hard. I’m with your DH on this. 100%.

2bazookas · 10/06/2021 15:16

Your partner is right.

Mum 's visit can wait after until she's mended so she can be a help to you.

a1poshpaws · 20/06/2021 23:06

Sorry, but another one here for Team Husband.

It's his brand new baby just as much as yours, and he's perfectly entitled to want to spend his time looking after both you and the baby unencumbered by his in-laws, even if he gets on really well with them.

crankysaurus · 20/06/2021 23:20

Glad her surgery went well but she's really not going to be in a fit state to travel that distance for weeks, sorry. I did the same to my ankle last year and it was a far more debilitating and painful recovery than I thought it would be.

SD1978 · 20/06/2021 23:27

I can see your partners side here- he doesn't want anyone staying in the house straight after the birth, and I don't blame him. How would you feel if it was reversed and all his relatives, with his mum staying and needing cared for? If she's that immobile- I'd also see if they can delay, give you a few weeks with the baby by yourselves, and then come when she's a bit more mobile.

Ohhyeahright · 22/06/2021 11:12

How did it all go @jessieb90

Taikoo · 22/06/2021 11:17

She'll be a liability to you and you'll be running around waiting on her hand and foot as well as trying to do your own.
Has she no sense at all or is she just being a martyr?

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