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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum staying with a broken ankle

85 replies

jessieb90 · 10/06/2021 12:15

Hi everyone,

My family are from and live in the South, whereas I now live in the North.

Im expecting my first child imminently and this will also be the first grandchild/ nephew for my siblings. We've always planned for my family to travel up more or less as soon as we come home from the hospital (give a day or two) so they can meet little man and I can see them as well (COVID has meant I've only seen them twice throughout my pregnancy).

The plan was for my family to stay in the local B&B which is situated literally next door, but since this my mum has severely broken her ankle and has had to have an operation. Knowing my mum, she'll still want to come up and I also want her too. My sister said if that's the case she can't stay in the B&B and would be better staying with us (which I agree with).

My partner on the other hand is saying that this is not an option as it will be far too stressful for us with a newborn and having to "wait" on my mum as she won't be capable of doing anything herself. I think he's being unreasonable to not allow my mum to stay and it's stressing me out.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 10/06/2021 12:49

Team husband. I could not physically have run around after anyone else with a newborn. My mum was helping look after me. I fell apart a bit when my in laws came when my first was 10 weeks and I was waiting on them, I couldn’t manage it. (Don’t worry I told dh and he sent them on a two day trip and told them they needed to help more)

WettyHainthrop · 10/06/2021 12:50

@BoredOfThisShit

Your husband knows he will be looking after you and your mother.

Team Husband here

Same here. I’m not normally one to play the ‘if it was the other way round’ card, but if it was the MIL who potentially would wind up staying and being waited on hand and foot, the responses would be somewhat less accommodating. You may be a close family but I really think, if your mum still wants to come, she needs to sort out somewhere accessible to stay elsewhere and not burden you or your husband. At all.
Original poster
jessieb90 · 10/06/2021 12:50

Thanks guys! Just to be clear my other family members (bar 1 to stay here with my mum) would be staying at the B&B.

I'm now beginning to think mum won't even be up for it as she'll need pins and the journey is 3.5 hours (without stopping and without traffic) so she probably won't want to anyway! So doctors probably won't advise it.

Thanks for your opinions!

OP posts:
Warmduscher · 10/06/2021 12:50

Because otherwise it’s basically your mum staying with you to be looked after by your DH when you’ve just given birth, while the rest of your family stay in the B&B with no one to look after but themselves.

How will you feel if they bugger off to the pub leaving you with a newborn and a non-mobile parent to look after?

TillyTopper · 10/06/2021 12:51

I'd say your partner is not unreasonable - if she comes it has to be a day visit or a stay in a B&B. Otherwise he or you will end up waiting on her if it's that bad. She may not feel up to it anyway but I think you should respect his concerns.

PineappleWilson · 10/06/2021 12:51

My mum had a complicated ankle break in Feb. She spent 8 weeks sleeping in the living room and using a walking frame (she's early 70s and generally has good mobility). She won't be able to do anything except sit and maybe hold the baby, but should also be having physio or community nurse visits. I'm amazed she wants to come at this time tbh, you need the support of your DH. He can't do that when your mum is struggling to get upstairs or wash her own hair (from my DM's experience).

shouldistop · 10/06/2021 12:54

I broke my ankle a couple of years ago requiring pins / plates and the recovery was brutal. I couldn't walk for months and certainly wouldn't be visiting anyone.

Oceanbliss · 10/06/2021 12:55

I think bringing your newborn baby home for the first time from hospital is special and personal for both mum and dad. I think you need to take your dh’s feelings into consideration. If you feel comfortable with your mum staying that’s fine. But it is also fine if your husband doesn’t. So, I don’t think he is being unreasonable.

CovidCorvid · 10/06/2021 12:58

@jessieb90

Thanks guys! Just to be clear my other family members (bar 1 to stay here with my mum) would be staying at the B&B.

I'm now beginning to think mum won't even be up for it as she'll need pins and the journey is 3.5 hours (without stopping and without traffic) so she probably won't want to anyway! So doctors probably won't advise it.

Thanks for your opinions!

I agree it's unlikely she can do it. I recently had ankle surgery and spent 4 weeks in bed. Even getting downstairs to the sofa was too much effort and some days I was in tears at the thought of having a wee.

I couldn't have travelled in a car for 3.5 hrs. I had to keep my foot higher than my heart for 2 weeks!

starrynight21 · 10/06/2021 13:01

Why don't you call your Mum and ask what she thinks ? All this speculation may lead nowhere, if in fact she doesn't think she'll be able to travel . A 3.5 hour car journey straight after surgery on her foot sounds impossible , and I'm sure that she'll see sense. Don't stress until you've spoken to her personally.

334bu · 10/06/2021 13:01

New baby will be disruptive enough without looking after an adult relative. Your husband is right.

Pinkdelight3 · 10/06/2021 13:02

It's madness. Wait till she's more mobile. Or you go and visit her for a day or two if you want her to meet the baby. But honestly it can wait. Enjoy your own little family for the first few weeks, there's no rush.

Ughmaybenot · 10/06/2021 13:10

It’s very unfortunate timing and I feel for you but I’m on your husbands side here. This has all the makings of a situation that simply isn’t going to work out very well. Also, it wouldn’t be very fair on your husband given that he’ll probably be the one looking after you and your mum.

MintyMabel · 10/06/2021 13:11

I think he's being unreasonable to not allow my mum to stay and it's stressing me out.

He isn't wrong though. Having an invalid parent visit when you have a newborn will be stressful.

knittingaddict · 10/06/2021 13:14

Why would staying in your house be better than a b and b?

I'm a grandmother and broke my right wrist 6 weeks ago. I know that it's not exactly the same, but it has meant a massively increased workload for my husband. There have been times when I've fantasized about staying in a hotel and not having to deal with cooking and housework. I'm sure my husband has too.

There is no way that I would land my daughter and her new family with my increased needs at time like this. We are a close family too and do regular childcare, but anything other than than a hotel would be out of the question.

Do you have a local Premier Inn? They might be even better as they have ground floor rooms and facilities for people with disabilities.

Original poster
jessieb90 · 10/06/2021 13:17

Thanks all!

I think my emotions were getting the better of me and I wasn't thinking rationally.

I need to speak with my mum first, because as many of you say, she probably won't be up for it herself.

FYI she's out of surgery and it went well - thank God.

OP posts:
Bibidy · 10/06/2021 13:20

I am guessing your mum probably won't be up for it as that would be such an uncomfortable journey for her so soon after surgery.

But if she does come I think your DP is being a bit unreasonable as it's extenuating circumstances and also presumably your sister etc will be spending the days with you so will be around to support your mum and you for this few days.

I think you'll be OK though as I doubt your mum will be able to come up so soon after her surgery anyway.

knittingaddict · 10/06/2021 13:20

Just seen your latest posts op. No way should she be travelling with pins and a cast. She will be at serious risk of dangerous swelling if she has to sit in a car for any length of time. That leg will need to be elevated most of the time.

My arm swelled up in the recent heat and it was agonisingly painful at times. Lots of elevation and ice packs were required. Broken bones in older people are a big deal and I found myself being quite high maintenance for those around me.

gamerchick · 10/06/2021 13:22

In your partner's shoes I would see all I would be doing is caring for 2 adults with a new baby in the house. It's not really fair.

CovidCorvid · 10/06/2021 13:22

Good to hear her surgery went well.

lotstolose1 · 10/06/2021 13:23

I definitely wouldn't want anyone stopping in my house in the first weeks after having a baby. I think your husbands right x

shouldistop · 10/06/2021 13:24

@jessieb90 she definitely won't be up for visiting. I wouldn't put pressure on her by asking. She's had a serious injury. Not to lay it on thick but I never fully recovered from my broken ankle and I'm in my 30s.

lotstolose1 · 10/06/2021 13:26

Also maybe look at the view of if your DH asked if his mother, father and siblings could come move into your house straight after you giving birth, would you be quite so happy? X

knittingaddict · 10/06/2021 13:27

Will your mum require traction in hospital? My mum broke her leg, had pins inserted and was in hospital for weeks.

ScottishNewbie · 10/06/2021 13:27

I wouldn't want my own mother, let alone MIL staying if we had a newborn. Especially if I was going to be left to look after her. Remember there are no guarantees with birth and you may have a longer recovery than you anticipate. Leaving yoir DH to care for you, a newborn and his MIL.
He's right to say no.