to be hacked off and upset with my friend?
Greensleeves · 20/11/2007 11:28
probably, but I want to decant some steam and bluster over it, and I can't have a go at her, so I'm doing it here!
She and I have a sort of open arrangement (I haven't known her very long, but she lives very close and our children get on, and I do really like her/her dh etc) whereby if one of us needs babysitting the other will do it if we're able to. I do more for her than the other way round - at least weekly - but she is always very conscious of this and is wary of "taking the piss", and is always telling me that I should ask her more often because then she would feel less guilty. I don't feel like this about it - I like her little girl being around, she's no trouble - and if I need a babysitter I'll ask.
So anyway, I had her little girl last night, as arranged, and she was meant to be having my two this evening. However the thing this evening has been cancelled - but I have just had a phone call asking me if I can work tomorrow afternoon, so I phoned my friend and said "I don't need you to have them this evening, but are you free tomorrow afternoon?" She ummed and aahed and then said "well, if you really can't find anyone else I suppose I could do it at a push, but try and find someone else, I had the rest of this week earmarked for emptying my larder"
I just feel a bit hurt really, I have worked around things to have her dd several times (I took her to a firework display at 2 hours notice, that sort of thing). And I know, she doesn't OWE me her time, I babysat voluntarily etc - it's not that I feel I have a right to it, it's more that I'm hurt that she doesn't want to do the same for me. Emptying the larder?!
I am Aggrieved
Greensleeves · 20/11/2007 11:36
I don't know what to do now, she said "if you really can't find anyone else then get back to me"...I cant find anyone else... but I really don't want to ring and ask her after she's told me she begrudges it! On the other hand I don't want to let work down either, it's not for much money or anything but it's something that means a lot to me, and I let them down last week because of food poisoning, so I'm worried they will just start asking the next person on the list instead
I am really fucked off about this!
oliveoil · 20/11/2007 11:39
I would phone her back and say "sorry, I can't get anyone else, what time shall I drop her off them? blah blah blah"
if you say "oooooh sorry, cringe cringe, so sorry, is it ok" she is likely to say NO
don't give room for manouver (spelling? no idea)
then next time she asks you to babysit say you are cleaning your window ledge and will have to get back to her depending on dust ratio
lemonaid · 20/11/2007 11:40
I would wonder if she actually had something else planned that she doesn't feel comfortable mentioning, and plumped for "emptying my larder" on the spur of the moment (it's got that almost endearingly crap quality to it, like whoever the MNetter was who claimed to a client that she had just seen a giant squirrel outside her window in an attempt to cover up some random stupidity and was left beating her head against her keyboard and muttering "Why on earth did I say that...?")
Elphaba · 20/11/2007 11:41
Sympathies Greensleeves. Tbh, and I know it doesn't help you, but I've seen a lot of this type of thing going on around me at the moment with friends who do favours for others etc. It's very when people rely on you and then it turns out you can't rely on them in return.
For this situation I think I'd go back and ask her to do it and then in future just back off doing so much for her. I know it sounds nasty but I'm afraid that's what I'd do.
womblingalong · 20/11/2007 11:42
IMO It is perfectly reasonable to feel aggrieved with her, esp since 'emptying the larder' seems more important than helping out a friend!
However, I have found that other people don't seem to have the same attitude to these things as me, so I wouldn't mention it to her, if I were you.
MorocconOil · 20/11/2007 11:51
Difficult one. I wouldn't ask her, but I know I'd be seething inside which is unhealthy. I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling guilty about her response and may call you to offer to have your DC.
I know some people seem to have some great recipricol child care arrangements with friends, but sadly the only ones I can totally rely on are myself and ones I pay for.
Greensleeves · 20/11/2007 11:55
so... assuming she hasn't got a lover (she hasn't) and assuming she hasn't got something delicate going on (I'm very sure she hasn't)
do I conclude that she just doesn't like me/has no respect for me/doesn't like my kids? Or what?
And should I now call her back and say "Look I couldn't find anyone else, please do it this time and I won't ask again", or should I pay the enarly £40 for the day nursery, or should I ring and say I can't work because I can't find a babysitter?
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