Sexless marriage I’m so fed up

[HeidiHighLow]

no Sex in 18 months Dh doesn’t feel like it apparently. He says it’s because he can’t get hard and maintain an erection wearing a condom. Atm for medical reasons I’m not able to be on contraception so condoms are necessary. Dh has said he have the snip and has been booking the appointment for this for last year it never happens.
I’ve tried to just fool around with Dh and said it doesn’t need to end in sex but just some physical contact would be enough but nothing- no kisses, no cuddles nothing.
Coincidentally I’ve gained 4 Stone in last 3 years due to ptsd.
I just long to be touched and held. I feel trapped with have 2 amazing children, a lovely life and he’s a good partner in many ways but it’s like I’m now co parenting with my brother or something.
I’m 40 in the last 4 years we’ve had sex 5 times and no sexual contact in last 18. He won’t talk about it and is just sticking his head in the sand.
Aibu that enough is enough

Also, what you looked like as a size 16/18 5, 10 or 18 years ago will not be what you look like as a size 18 now, it's just common sense really.

For future reference though, a trap people can fall into sometimes is losing weight and then gaining again. When you lose weight, you naturally lose muscle as well as fat. If you lost weight without weight training, then the muscle loss will be even higher. Once you start putting weight back on, as in your case you are back to your pre-weight, you put on fat, not muscle (unless you're working out) meaning you have more fat and will, in essence look 'fatter' than you did before your weight loss.

It isn’t shallow to find someone not attractive.

If it’s making you unhappy of course you aren’t being unreasonable. This may work for lots of couples but will only work if both are ok with it. I’ve no advice except to say it’s unlikely to change if he won’t discuss it so it depends on whether you can live with it.

I'd imagine sexless marriages work just fine when both parties agree. Otherwise it's likely a recipe for deep unhappiness. Your DH needs to make much more of an effort to the address the problem, or else you have a choice to make. I'd be done!!

We had a talk, a really good talk and a very good time last night.
I think it was a timing issue and we had definitely got into a rut of me waiting for home to show me affection first and vide versa.
Definitely need to work on our communication skills going forward 😂
Thank you all 😞

Meant 😄 at the end definitely not a sad face. 😂😂

Why don’t you end it and find a man that does want to shag you senseless ?

Hopefully won’t need to now Diana see update ❤️

TheCatsHaveEyes - ?? are you the OP or a different person on another account?

Yes sorry it’s me name change fail!

It sounds really tough OP.
He can't expect you to live a life without affection.

Wow that is an issue, yes your weight gain could be this cause, he may not want to say that as wont want to hurt you. Try losing weight, do things for 'you' but will also make him attracted to you.. My own sex life has dropped off but that's a medical issue which wont last forever, but we do have the odd fondle !

I think you need to really sit down and try to discuss it?

Porn addiction?

You're not happy OP and you shouldn't be living like this. Sounds like time to go your separate ways.

Not everyone wants the same things the same time and the same amount, that's life. Partners do need to be able to compromise.

Sometimes if I don't really want sex, I'm generally OK to go along with it because I know DP does, but vice versa too! Of course, if I/he doesn't really want it, then it's not happening.

There are also some things that DH wants/like to do that are a bit meh for me, but I'm happy to help out since I do really love him :) Probably the same from his side.

Having said that, if you are not generally on the same page about frequency or what id being done, then it's not a situation I'd manage with .