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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU Fuming about face mask

157 replies

yan79 · 08/06/2021 17:33

Hi,
I don’t know if I’m just being a little sensitive but my 13 yo son returned to school on Monday after half term and has received a 1 hour after school detention for forgetting his face mask. I’m livid! It seems quite a punishment for something that isn’t a bad behaviour or intentional. Gosh, I forget my mask on a weekly basis and have to go back to the car to fetch it etc.
They don’t have to wear a mask in class (only on the corridors) he’s only ever forgotten his mask once since we started wearing them (he was in school the entire lockdown as I’m a NHS worker)
and school have a box of Masks for students that do forget them so he did wear one that day. It wasn’t even the teacher who gave out the detention, it was student services where he went when he realised he’d forgotten his mask and they provided him with one.
He’s a good lad and never really causes any commotion or trouble but he’s quite angry about this detention too. I’m tempted to call school and speak to somebody but I don’t know if I’m just being a little OTT and he deserves the detention and we should just ‘suck it up’

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 09/06/2021 11:11

I apologise if I’ve offended anyone. I only wanted to say that secondary schools in my LA are still asking children to wear face masks.

Glitterblue · 09/06/2021 11:18

That's harsh. I still occasionally forget. DD and I went to a shop when we were at my granny's a couple of weeks ago and I think it was just being in a different place that threw me, I've had my routine for a year and a bit of going to tesco in our home town and getting my mask out of the middle compartment in the car but being in a different place for the first time in so long made me forget, I think! Anyway we were happily browsing the drinks and DD suddenly said "shouldn't we have masks on?" 😳 I sent her straight back to get them from DH in the car (we had a heavy basket) and I felt so guilty while I was waiting I pulled my hoodie up over my nose and mouth!

In DD's school they just give them a mask if they forget. They never get a detention for forgetting something, they get something called a P1, which is like a warning but they don't have to do anything about it. I think if they get something like 5 P1s over a certain length of time, they get a P2 which means they have to speak to a teacher or something but not a detention.

Juneisjoyful · 09/06/2021 11:20

Is his school an academy op? My dd got detention for not having her calculator.. She didn't have maths that day.
School rules mean you carry full stationery kit at all times...

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 09/06/2021 11:26

I suppose they're treating it as uniform breach which is detention. I'd be annoyed as it wasn't his fault but probably would accept it.

LadyDanburysHat · 09/06/2021 11:28

He didn't forget a mask. He had a broken one. I would be 'that' parent. No need for a detention.

MaybeCrazy2 · 09/06/2021 12:08

An hours detention! I’d be livid! I loved school, loved it! Once we had a brand new supply teacher and kids were messing about in the line, I accidentally fell over and he thought I was being a trouble maker and sent be to the behaviour room!! I was a brilliant student FFs and didn’t even know where the room was as I was never in trouble. I was so scared stiff I just went and debated about running out of school as I was so scared to go to this room.
I wish I stuck up for myself but I was shy back then. I didn’t tell my mum because I was horrified I’d been “naughty” but now I wish I did and I wish she would have gone down there and put them straight for me.

dapsnotplimsolls · 09/06/2021 17:14

Never mind masks, I want to work in this mythical school that has 'drinks and snacks in the morning tea room' :)

Original poster

yan79 · 09/06/2021 17:34

@Juneisjoyful

Is his school an academy op? My dd got detention for not having her calculator.. She didn't have maths that day. School rules mean you carry full stationery kit at all times...

Hi...no it’s not an academy. Just your standard secondary school x

OP posts:

RaspberryCoulis · 09/06/2021 17:35

@ZeroFuchsGiven

There is no requirement to wear masks in school now as far as I'm aware. Well mine don't have to unless they want to. Are You in the UK?

There is all across Scotland too. Which is part of the UK, last time I looked.

Original poster

yan79 · 09/06/2021 17:35

I’ve been ‘that mum’ and emailed his mentor group tutor. I’ve asked him to review the decision.

I haven’t had a response, yet.

OP posts:

StripyHorse · 09/06/2021 20:11

@NoBetterthanSheShouldBe

I had an hour detention for forgetting my atlas at that age, possibly a bit younger. Sounds normal to me.

Yes, my only detention was for forgetting a dictionary. That was almost 30 years ago though.

I do think school are being harsh, seeing as he did the right thing and went to sort it out. I think my 13 year old did the same, got given a disposable mask and everything carried on as normal.

jgw1 · 09/06/2021 20:32

@yan79

I’ve been ‘that mum’ and emailed his mentor group tutor. I’ve asked him to review the decision.

I haven’t had a response, yet.

Well done.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 09/06/2021 21:21

[quote Inastatus]@AwaAnBileYerHeid - there is a world of difference between raising ‘an entitled’ child and one who feels you’ve got their back. School staff do make mistakes/errors of judgement and it is ok to question that occasionally. My DD has just left year 11 and I have only contacted the school twice in all her time when I’ve thought school has got something wrong. The rest of the time she has been told to suck it up and get on with it.[/quote]
Hmm. When I was a kid, if I'd told my mum that I'd gotten in trouble from a teacher, I'd have gotten in trouble for getting in trouble with a teacher! Otherwise I'd just have been told to suck it up if it was an error on the teachers part. Within reason of course. There would be none of this going to a teacher and telling them that they had gotten it wrong. I don't like to show my kids that you argue with authority, I like to teach them to respect it, even if authority figures are human and do get it a little wrong at times.

MrsDThomas · 09/06/2021 21:29

Kids are the easy target. Always have been. Yesterday my son was marked down as he wasn’t wearing the appropriate black trousers. It was a black Nike joggers. With 6 weeks to go till the end of term there is no way im buying new ones. I got this every year with my older 2 too. He is 13 and growing at a heck of a rate.

Do i care? Fuck no. Today i deleted the app they told us we must use to monitor behaviour. There is nothing wrong with his behaviour. I have other things to worry about.

Inastatus · 09/06/2021 22:00

@AwaAnBileYerHeid - I was brought up like that too (father in military so very respectful of authority) so I understand where you are coming from. However, I feel there needs to be a balance between blindly accepting authority and recognising that sometimes the authoritative figure might have over-stepped the mark - in which case don’t just ‘put up and shut up’. I think that’s an important thing for kids to learn also.

Bythemillpond · 10/06/2021 05:17

I don't like to show my kids that you argue with authority, I like to teach them to respect it, even if authority figures are human and do get it a little wrong at times

This is exactly what you shouldn’t be teaching your children.
If they are taught to respect all adults in a place of authority and that adult asks them to do something they are not comfortable with are you saying that they you teach them to do as they are told?

Pixxie7 · 10/06/2021 05:54

It doesn’t affect me as I live alone but it must be costing parents a fortune in face masks alone. I think they should be provided by the school with extra government funds to cover the cost.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 10/06/2021 06:13

@Pixxie7

It doesn’t affect me as I live alone but it must be costing parents a fortune in face masks alone. I think they should be provided by the school with extra government funds to cover the cost.

Surely most people just have reusable ones that you can wash daily. They're cheap to buy or you can make your own. The government have recently announced just £50pp of funding to provide catch up to compensate for lost learning during the entire pandemic, can't see them forking out an extra couple of quid pp to buy masks.

Bovrilly · 10/06/2021 06:41

Well I wouldn't have complained to the school but I can see I'm in the minority!

If the rules say wear a mask, and detention for not having a mask twice, I can't see the issue. Schools have all sorts of stupid rules and learning to follow them is part of life. Undermining school for something so trivial is a bad idea imo. If he was suspended and missing out on education unfairly then yes, it would be worth fighting your corner. But generally I feel that schools need the support of parents and it must be very difficult to manage behaviour as a school if parents just refuse to allow their children to be sanctioned.

In this case, the new variant is spreading through schools and you are not far from a hotspot. Maybe they are being extra strict at the moment because they are trying their best to keep everyone safe and in school. In which case, undermining them is not a great idea imo.

Original poster

yan79 · 10/06/2021 07:32

@Bovrilly

Well I wouldn't have complained to the school but I can see I'm in the minority!

He had a mask though, that’s the thing! The elastic broke in it so he had to go to student services for a new one and they gave him a detention

OP posts:

WeatherwaxOn · 10/06/2021 07:59

Surely detentions are a waste of teachers time as much as pupils'.
I do appreciate that in this case "the authority" is the school and they set the rules regarding uniform/behaviour standards, but equally the rules should be fair and serve a purpose. They shouldn't exist (and alongside them punishment for breaches) just for the sake of it.

I am a school governor and went to a meeting this week which I had to attend in person. In the rush to get my DC to school and get all the materials I needed for the meeting, I forgot my mask.
There were no sanctions
I was allowed/asked to use a disposable one from the box on the desk at reception.

If we want to prepare older children for the workplace then we should follow a workplace approach. Minor uniform infringements, unless they affect health and safety are really not worth the fuss. With the current climate if lower incomes and employment uncertainty for many parents it may not be possible to afford a pair of trousers in exactly the right shade of navy blue. But as the pupil is dressed and present, the focus should be on education. They've all missed a lot.

Bovrilly · 10/06/2021 08:47

He had a mask though, that’s the thing! The elastic broke in it so he had to go to student services for a new one and they gave him a detention

Well I guess you could argue that he has complied with the rule, if the rule is that he has to bring a mask to school. But it would make you look a bit mad imo and they will no doubt say that he needs to have a wearable mask and be wearing it when he should. Presumably they feel that for masks to make any difference, they have to be rigorous about enforcing the rules, and that includes good kids who break them accidentally as well as kids who deliberately flout them or cba.

It honestly would not cross my mind to complain about this. Mask breaks, unlucky, but you are now breaking school rules on masks for the second time, do the detention, always have a spare in your bag from now on.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 11/06/2021 05:17

"I don’t know if I’m just being a little sensitive but my 13 yo son returned to school on Monday after half term and has received a 1 hour after school detention for forgetting his face mask. I’m livid!"

From speaking to primary school colleagues, I think they would say that the sanction for forgetting your mask needs to be sufficiently rigorous to be taken seriously by the kids. A behaviour point or mild ticking off wouldn't be a deterrent, they'd all just turn up asking for a disposable one, but the threat of an hour's detention really does sharpen the mind.

It also needs to be seen to be applied fairly and consistently, the same rule for everyone. As soon as staff can subjectively decide whether this is a 'naughty child who cba bringing a mask' or a 'good child who has made an honest mistake' they are quite rightly leaving themselves open to accusations of unfairness and favouritism.

I wouldn't have complained. I'd have told my child it was a fair cop - everyone knows you get a detention if you forget your mask and you forgot your mask.

Original poster

yan79 · 11/06/2021 18:04

Well they’ve cancelled the decision but said the detention was due to my sons miscommunication because he didn’t tell the teacher his mask was broken, he held it over his face to leave the classroom (it was either that or not wear one at all) and because his teacher had to say ‘go to student services’ he was given a detention.
Lesson learned, but god he doesn’t have detention.
He now has a handful of masks in his bag plus a reusable one x

OP posts:

Bythemillpond · 11/06/2021 20:43

fourminutestosavetheworld
He did have a mask but the elastic broke

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