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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Fuming about face mask

157 replies

yan79 · 08/06/2021 17:33

Hi,
I don’t know if I’m just being a little sensitive but my 13 yo son returned to school on Monday after half term and has received a 1 hour after school detention for forgetting his face mask. I’m livid! It seems quite a punishment for something that isn’t a bad behaviour or intentional. Gosh, I forget my mask on a weekly basis and have to go back to the car to fetch it etc.
They don’t have to wear a mask in class (only on the corridors) he’s only ever forgotten his mask once since we started wearing them (he was in school the entire lockdown as I’m a NHS worker)
and school have a box of Masks for students that do forget them so he did wear one that day. It wasn’t even the teacher who gave out the detention, it was student services where he went when he realised he’d forgotten his mask and they provided him with one.
He’s a good lad and never really causes any commotion or trouble but he’s quite angry about this detention too. I’m tempted to call school and speak to somebody but I don’t know if I’m just being a little OTT and he deserves the detention and we should just ‘suck it up’

OP posts:
QueenofallNorway · 08/06/2021 18:45

YANBU OP it is excessive for forgetting his mask. But I’m also wondering if it was an accumulation of minor offences that led to the detention. In my daughter’s school they hand out penalty points for forgotten equipment, and 5 in a term warrants a detention. I think in your position I would seek clarification before I pulled him out of detention.

PanamaPattie · 08/06/2021 18:47

Detention doesn't work. Haven't schools realised this by now? The school needs to review this. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime".

Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 18:47

@WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa

Are you absolutely sure it's the first time he has forgotten and it's not an accumulation of occasions that's led to the one hour detention?
Hiya...no, it’s the second time (in over a year) I mentioned it in my first post xx
OP posts:
Lostinacloud · 08/06/2021 18:48

Just no! 100% phone or email the school and say you don’t give your permission for him to attend the detention. One of those times where you need to advocate for him I’d say.

Casheeeew · 08/06/2021 18:48

Screw "don't undermine the school". Here's a free lesson to DS on standing up to authority when they're in the wrong!

Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 18:49

@RuggerHug

OP your update hadn't loaded for me when I replied, I apologise if I came across as a dick. They probably have to do this otherwise they'd be dealing with the same ones 'forgetting' a lot. Having this for everyone means they know to always have a spare in their bag.
Ha it’s ok. I didn’t think you were a dick at all but thanks for the apology xx
OP posts:
Merchymor · 08/06/2021 18:52

@Casheeeew

Screw "don't undermine the school". Here's a free lesson to DS on standing up to authority when they're in the wrong!
Totally agree. School authority does not trump my authority and never has. We don't encourage unquestioning obedience!
Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 18:53

I’ve just logged onto the school app and it’s also been logged as a behaviour incident so he’s had a mark out against his name...it’s petty I know but surely this isn’t a ‘behavioural’ incident

OP posts:
Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 18:56

There is also no record on his personal page on the school app that he’s forgotten his mask before so I don’t know where’s how this is the second tine

OP posts:
duckme · 08/06/2021 18:56

I generally don't argue against sanctions given by a school. Im certainly not one of those parents who call up to complain that their precious angel has been told he's got to miss break for chatting or whatever. But I would be absolutely livid with that. I'm at the end of my tether with this whole lot now anyway, so they would have got the brunt of my frustration.

Bythemillpond · 08/06/2021 18:58

So if he hadn’t gone to student services then he wouldn’t have got a detention

So he knows next time don’t bother going for a mask, just wing it and hope you don’t get caught.

Utterly ridiculous

jgw1 · 08/06/2021 18:58

@PanamaPattie

Detention doesn't work. Haven't schools realised this by now? The school needs to review this. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime".
It would seem to me that the school in this particular case is actively undermining their own detention system.
Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 18:59

@duckme

I generally don't argue against sanctions given by a school. Im certainly not one of those parents who call up to complain that their precious angel has been told he's got to miss break for chatting or whatever. But I would be absolutely livid with that. I'm at the end of my tether with this whole lot now anyway, so they would have got the brunt of my frustration.
I’m much like yourself. If he has had a detention in the past Iv’e explained to his it’s a consequence of his actions and it’s deserved e.g. forgetting PE kit or homework. I know some people may think well why not moan about a detention for forgetting his PE kit but t he misses a lesson if he does this. Forgetting a mask has not affected his learning at all
OP posts:
WhenSheWasBad · 08/06/2021 19:05

Seems quite harsh. We give a warning at my school.

Trouble is with some kids this escalates (I know this didn’t happen in this case), that are rude to you about the lack of mask and that means they end up in detention.

We are Lancashire, so masks are worn everywhere. We had to stop giving them out freely, I was giving some kids literally one fresh mask everyday. It costs a fortune.

Masks are now part of required equipment, if you don’t have it you get a warning.

ForeverSinging · 08/06/2021 19:05

This is wrong so you should stand up for him. Part of being a parent is teaching them to challenge things that aren't right. I wouldn't look at it as undermining the school.

mathanxiety · 08/06/2021 19:05

It's a stupid detention.

I think charging a nominal amount for a replacement mask would be better.

So would keeping a few extra masks in his bag and topping up as needed.

Every classroom should have a box of spares, to prevent the situation where students without masks are walking in the corridors.

It appears the Indian variant is spreading in schools, so your school really should be making masks mandatory in all areas.

It looks as if the school hasn't thought its mask policy through at all.

toocold54 · 08/06/2021 19:05

As a teacher I’d have a word with his tutor and check this is right. We have to log it as a behaviour point as it keeps track of people who never bring one but the detention is OTT especially now when the rules have relaxed so much.
I would tell him if he ever forgets it to say he dropped it and can’t find it instead of that he’s forgotten it.

Original poster
yan79 · 08/06/2021 19:14

After having a quick chat with my son he just told me he did actually have a disposable mask in his bag but he went to put it on and the string had broken so he had to ask for another one! The note I find out the more angry I get

OP posts:
Hallyup6 · 08/06/2021 19:35

As others have said, there's no requirement for facemasks in secondary schools anymore. I'd be speaking to the school and explaining why I'm unhappy about the detention. My daughter's school give out detentions for ridiculous reasons. She once got one for being literally a minute late when I'd had to fight to get her three year old sister in the car. I spoke to her head of year calmly and explained that I felt the detention was disproportionate, to which she agreed and cancelled it.

MouseyTheVampireSlayer · 08/06/2021 19:53

I'd be contacting the school for two reasons.
Firstly, if the series of events is exactly as you describe then the sanction is counter productive and ott. I'm a teacher and usually on the 'support the sanction' side, but it's not a behavioural problem as described.

However I would also contact the school because you may not be getting the full story from your son. Best check he wasn't rude, storming off or shouting at a teacher before you complain, or you'll be made to look foolish.
And if it does turn out it was as described, you can say you are surprised as surely there'd be more to it as it seems extreme. It'll make you look reasonable if you're willing to look at events from the point of the school rather than automatically supporting DS guns blazing with half a story.

PracticingPerson · 08/06/2021 20:06

@MouseyTheVampireSlayer

I'd be contacting the school for two reasons. Firstly, if the series of events is exactly as you describe then the sanction is counter productive and ott. I'm a teacher and usually on the 'support the sanction' side, but it's not a behavioural problem as described.

However I would also contact the school because you may not be getting the full story from your son. Best check he wasn't rude, storming off or shouting at a teacher before you complain, or you'll be made to look foolish.
And if it does turn out it was as described, you can say you are surprised as surely there'd be more to it as it seems extreme. It'll make you look reasonable if you're willing to look at events from the point of the school rather than automatically supporting DS guns blazing with half a story.

I was going to post something very similar to this so will just say... what she said!
Rosebel · 08/06/2021 20:27

I really would call the school and tell them he's not doing the detention and you don't want to hear he's been punished for not attending. If you tell them the full story (especially that he had a mask) they should revoke it but if they don't just say he's not going.
I'd also ask how him forgetting a mask and having one break is a behaviour issue.
I forgot my mask for work a few weeks ago and just grabbed a disposable one. Wasn't punished for it. So I wouldn't expect a child to be either.

kowari · 08/06/2021 20:34

@yan79

After having a quick chat with my son he just told me he did actually have a disposable mask in his bag but he went to put it on and the string had broken so he had to ask for another one! The note I find out the more angry I get
If it happens again then it's easy to just stab a hole with a pencil and tie the elastic back on.
kowari · 08/06/2021 20:37

We have disposables at work, a few people wear them daily but most people just take one if they forget their own.
I can see how you wouldn't want to be giving out heaps of masks at school, especially with the awful mask litter problem around schools. A detention is excessive though, should just be a behaviour point.

TurquoiseDragon · 08/06/2021 20:41

@plowlom

Masks cost money. There are 1800 students at our school. If they were given out without any consequence imagine how much money meant for education would be spent on masks. It's a harsh lesson but l understand.
Then simply make them pay for a mask.

Schools can get them in bulk and pay less, but a pack of ten bought in a local supermarket costs around £5, so charge a student say £1 per mask.. Covers the cost of the mask plus extra, and the price is steep enough to act as a reminder for next time without being too steep.

Detention seems harsh to me, and what is the punishment for staff forgetting a mask?

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