Third child, how did you decide?

[highlighteryellow]

How did you decide whether or not to have a third child? Was it the right choice?

I currently have a 5 year old and an 18 month old. I'm 35, DH 36. We are undecided on having a third baby!

For:

• we enjoy having a busy family, both of us like having kids
• we have the space and should be able to afford a third with a bit more careful budgeting
• our kids have no cousins so I like the idea of them having more than one sibling

Against

• I have had two fairly straightforward births and lucky to have two healthy babies. Feel like we're pushing our luck a bit and would be gutted if I ended up with birth injuries or something third time round.
• we have no family support (they live too far) and I worry that being outnumbered would be too much for just two of us to cope with!
• am I too old??

The things I’d think about for a third would be;

• money, they get more expensive as they get older
• holidays, we like an abroad holiday
• car, big enough for 3 seats, pram/buggy
• childcare, family support, nursery fees

You are not too old op

I am in much the same boat (apart from quite difficult births and slightly different ages)
Its so hard isn’t it.

The balance between having another cos it feels right vs the practicalities.

I await more replies with you OP.

What does your husband say?

@redrummurder it's tough isn't it! We are both on the fence but I'm leaning towards yes and DH leans toward no. Obviously we will only go ahead if we are both on board!

How old are your DC?

Money, money, money.

I have 3, always wanted 3. What I didn’t really think about was the money. Bigger house, bigger car, & the bloody activities. Uni on the horizon. We didn’t really think about the cost when we had a 6yo, 3yo & went for a baby, but I notice it now they are 13, 10 and 6!

we agreed on 4 before we got married.
ended up with 7😁

oh and I turned 40 a month before my youngest was born - you definitely have time!

Dd is 8 (next week!) and ds is 8 months... big gap due to the awfulness of dd’s birth and depression afterwards.

Ds is a wonderful baby (not sleeping reliably yet but getting there) I didn’t have any of the problems i had the first time. So I don’t know if i have rose tinted glasses on?

Husband is neither here nor there, he says to wait a bit longer, but i feel like we haven’t got time to wait. The clock is ticking loudly for me.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

we agreed on 4 before we got married. ended up with 7😁

Wow thats amazing! How do you cope with money/endless washing/all the individual time needed?

I love following big families on insta to see how it all works.

I'm also in a similar boat and feel slightly obsessed with the decision. I think I would feel a bit of relief if I found I couldn't have any more but I would feel happy and excited if I found I was accidentally pregnant, it's just having to make the decision that is difficult.

My fors are:
A big yearning for another - our first died as a baby (then we went on to have two more) so I suspect I'll always yearn for another but I would totally not have more than one more, so another would make me feel like we were finished.
They are fun and fill your life with love! (most of the time...)
I feel like 3 siblings takes the pressure off the sibling relationship so there's generally 2 to play together if one is feeling unsociable.

Againsts:
I'm really looking forward to being able to do bigger adventures with DCs (mine are 18 moths and 3). Adding another to the mix would put that off longer.
None of mine have been good sleepers - 3 more years of exhaustion doesn't sound good!
Some friends who have been 1 of 3 complain that there's always one sibling feeling left out.
I'm 35 and don't feel too old but DH is a fair bit older - he's probably for it on balance but worries about his age.

I’ve spent probably 18 months now going back and forth about whether to have a third and we are probably 90% certain we’ll go with “head” and stick to two.
Pros;
We’ve got the space, already got a big car, do have some family support.
Cons;
I’m awful awful at being pregnant, money money money.
I’m from a big family so two does just feel a bit quiet and easy but when I compare how much we can do with them and for them when we stick to two it feels like I’d be having another for me, not really for them. I’m sad they won’t have more sibling dynamics but I’m excited for the adventures/holidays/trips we can do now they’re older (3 & 5) (and once covid goes away!)

I'm really looking forward to being able to do bigger adventures with DCs (mine are 18 moths and 3). Adding another to the mix would put that off longer.

Oh, I forgot this one! This definitely plays on my mind, and it is probably DH's biggest reason against having another. Once DD2 is older I'm looking forward to being able to do more day trips etc and have more adventures at weekends and it would be a shame to put that off.

Sorry for the loss of your first

@RedrumMurder

DH has a good salary.
washing, cooking etc is just routine you get used to. DH & both do it, kids need to chip in.
I'm a SAHM, DH is a hands on dad so both here (bar his working) when they need us. 4 of them are teenagers so although they need us less, when they do it's often "out of hours". so time & attention gets shared according to their needs. I admit it's stressful when they all need something at the same time or I have more than one of them ill. but you learn to prioritise and they learn to be independent.

I don't want to take over OP's thread, so if you have any more questions feel free to PM me, happy to answer!

I have three. Third was born when I was 37. I would also say the biggest challenge 8s cars an Holidays. You can't squeeze a 15, 12 and 5 Yr old in one room at hotels apparently!!!
Also, Middle child syndrome is real 😆
Love having three though.

I'm 35 and my 3rd is 2 months old, I don't think I'd have ever felt complete without her

Definitely there are practicalities to consider, and for us it was more head than heart but my family feels complete now

Should have said heart over head

DH and I would love 3, our current 2 are 5 years and 12 months, our biggest concern is something a friend once said about time with her husband - no-one EVER wants to babysit 3 so she and her husband hadn't had a meal out together etc for years.

We would have to wait another 18 months or so at least due to nursery fees etc, I LOVE the idea of 3 but the reality seems so much different I think. I don't know.

We decided on a third and i honestly dont regret it for a sec. Its tough yes but so worth it. We even ended up with a fourth

I’m 39 and pregnant with number 3 now.
My other 2 kids will be 9 and nearly 7 by the time baby comes. I’ve wanted number 3 for about 5 years but for a number of reasons (work, health) it wasn’t possible. However I thought about it every single day. In the end I told my husband to either get a vasectomy or I wanted another baby... and he agreed to a baby. All happened very quickly and I was pregnant first try. (He has since had the vasectomy )
But it was a hard choice. For me, 2 kids were a definite but number 3 was a big decision.

We have 3. It was an easy decision for us we had 2 & 3 close together(15 month gap) but we did need a bigger car and I was lucky enough that my work place offer career breaks so I could have 3 hrs off avoid childcare fees and still have a job to go back to at the end of that. We have to budget but still are comfortable

money and space would be the major factor for me (it’s why I don’t think a 4th is a good idea despite DH attempts to
Persuade me) I wouldn’t want to have to move again and worry about a bigger mortgage

Vodkabulary 3 hours off?

I have 3. We originally planned 4 and I always said I'd never have an odd number but definitely feel done now! I think on a practical level 3 is so much more work but I don't regret it for a second. The main motivation for a bigger family for me was the sibling dynamic. I have one absolutely nuts sister who I've had to go NC with for my own sanity and the only reason I survived childhood was because I had other siblings to fall back on. I'm really close to the others. My friend is going through a similar thing atm but there's only two of them so she's 'stuck'. I wanted my kids to have options.

I have 3 and don’t regret it for a second, it’s wonderful!

Just from another perspective. When DS2 was a baby I was desperate for a 3rd. Absolutely glad we decided against it especially since H and I split last year. Kids are 6 and 3 now and I’m very glad that my years of looking after toddlers will be over before too long, as much as I adore them and wouldn’t wish this time away, I’m done now.

@DistrictCommissioner

Vodkabulary 3 hours off?

🤣 so generous

3 years 🤣🤣🤣 plus a year maternity 👌 so pretty much eliminated allll childcare until they’re in school