Has my helpfulness backfired - yes 🤦🏻‍♀️

[DaisyDerby]

Before I moved in with my DP I spent some time with him & his two teenagers (lockdown 3), so as he’s a key worker he’d go out each day. I could work from home, so cooked etc… and whilst one teenager would help out, the other nope.

Since then DPS has gone back to Uni and DPD treats her dad and me like slaves, although DP does not see it this way… he keeps saying others in the house will do the dishes etc, but it never gets does so piles up and then I give in…

AIBU? Or did I land myself in this dishesgate 🤷🏻‍♀️

Move out and let them live in squalor

Lazy teens are only tolerable if they are your own.

I hate it when we as women get blamed for being taken advantage of like that. On the other hand, it seems we have to take the solution into our own hands by sometimes radical action.

I've spelled it out to my otherwise perfect husband. It's not good enough for them to say "Well just don't do it then".

yabu you fell into the rescuing/enabling trap without setting any boundaries! Time to get the he'll out of dodge!

Just move out. Or don’t do them. You can’t change them you can only change your own behaviour.

Full on family row about the chores would be my preferred option.

Don't move out, why run from what could be the most lovely relationship ever because of his bratty child. You simply tell him to get his house in order or you will. Then do it if he doesn't. Get those kids working alongside you at home they will rebel but if he loves you he will back you.

If, apart from this annoyance, you have a good relationship, then it seems a bit over the top to move out because of this. I am sure there are parents out there who have children who just won't do anything. It is, I agree, more difficult to put up with when they are not your children.

Can you not impress on your partner that you are running out of patience with this arrangement which makes you feel like a skivvy? Can you ask him to set up a family conference where these issues can be discussed and some reasonable rules agreed? Alternatively, you could so what someone else suggested, just ignore their mess - sort your own food, clothes, room out but do nothing else.

Of course, if it becomes so intolerable that it's affecting your health, and there is no indication that things are changing, then you will have no option but to move out.

@Ofallthebarsinalltheworld

Sending you 💐 op as they don't have any respect for you and are treating you like a shit. You are a person with feelings and your voice counts.

Have a group meeting tell everyone how you feel and set up a rota for chores. Give this one month and if they still rip the piss out of you then pack up and leave. You are worth so much more.

A family meeting is a good idea, but it's not OP's job, or her place, to set up a rota. That would also give the impression that these are her jobs and people are helping. They need to discuss tog ether who does what

Hoppinggreen

Why are you blaming yourself?
Blame the man who thinks it’s ok for his kids to treat you like this

I agree with above Hoppinggreen stop doing the jobs for a week if nothing gets done move out ASAP . Stop being a skivvy please x

Move out - you’ve gone from lover to unpaid skivvy...

This is a DP problem - he's the parent, and he needs to pull his own weight, and make his daughter do the same. Some kind of rota?
If he wont, he doesn't value you enough, and you deserve better.

Leave it to pile up. Wash what you need and then back off. If DP complains then you know he doesn’t have your back but supports his brats and you’re nothing more than the hired help.

Move out. They are training you to a life of being live-in help. And totally ungrateful for it, to boot.

Needs a sit down household talk and agreed rota. Make it plain you can't live like that. Then prepare move out if rota not adhered to after 1 week and let partner know that is what you are doing. If he wants you there, and respects you, he'll take action. Don't expect daughter to change without Dad's intervention.

Leave, then send your partner this article.

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Is this why their mother left? Was she expected to do everything with no support from him? Why does he have custody of them? Is there a reason why he’s not pulling them up for this behaviour?

@2bazookas

Don't give in.!

Wait until every last dish and pan and cup sheet towel shirt pair of pants and socks has been used and worn; then pack a little overnight bag and go and stay with a friend until they sort out their shit. . No need to leave a note; the dirty stuff IS the message.

I love this, just do it; have a little respect for yourself even if they don't.

Stop doing it now. Act as if you are the guest and maybe just clean your things? Let it pile up.

Or as everyone else says, move out as you aren’t his skivvy!
If you are doing dishes, what are they doing on the house?

💕