Has my helpfulness backfired - yes 🤦🏻‍♀️

[DaisyDerby]

Before I moved in with my DP I spent some time with him & his two teenagers (lockdown 3), so as he’s a key worker he’d go out each day. I could work from home, so cooked etc… and whilst one teenager would help out, the other nope.

Since then DPS has gone back to Uni and DPD treats her dad and me like slaves, although DP does not see it this way… he keeps saying others in the house will do the dishes etc, but it never gets does so piles up and then I give in…

AIBU? Or did I land myself in this dishesgate 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep, why would you? Leave. Or stop doing it.

he keeps saying others in the house will do the dishes etc

What does he mean by 'others' if there's only you, him and his daughter there?

If you don't want to do something as extreme as moving out, you could always just wash your own dishes, clothes, etc., and leave theirs for them. This is admittedly more difficult when it comes to things like cleaning the floors or bathroom.

I wouldn't be endlessly cleaning up after his teens for him, though, and I wouldn't clean after him, either, unless he was doing his share in other ways.

Definitely move out. I'd actually say that the way that his children have been treating you and in fact him too is a contributing factor in your decision. If you are to stand any chance of maintaining this relationship, this is what you must do.
Find yourself a nice place to rent and let him be dad to his kids.

They know you'll give in. And they know, you know they know.

You know what you need to do and it's not the dishes.

You know what to do. Don't you?

carried unanimously

And you actually agreed to this? Baffling .

Three options:

1. do nothing
2. change the situation - get everyone onboard to;do the chores etc
3. leave

You call him DP.

And yet it doesnt sound like much of a partnership.

Move!

Sit down and set out a cleaning rota. If they don't pull their weight after a Frank discussion run from the caios.

O the comments jeez move out over dishes haha! you all single then because I bet there is things that annoy you about your other half. Sit back relax and don't do them simple they will do them when they need them. Maybe that's how they have always been b4 you moved in. Talk to dp tell him you feel like a slave and they need todo pull their weight.

@Nofruitta

It will not improve. They know you have higher standards and will do the donkey work.

Lol. Sadly this is true.

Go on strike - partial or total. When the dirty dish pile is high.

Pick your battles, pick your time.

Single portion of chips for yourself. Eat it publicly.

Then tell them, don’t mince your words.
.

They don’t respect you

Why do it?

So you live this way because..........?

Yes, they have a higher tolerance for the dirt than you do. IN all seriousness if you are able to move back out it neednt spell the end of your relationship, but it might just save you from a lifetime of slave drudgery.

I agree that they’re treating you like substitute mum. Your dp included. Not nice at all. Giving in solves nothing unfortunately. Boundaries or moving out are far preferable options.

I've voted YABU for passively accepting this situation and allowing yourself to be treated like a "slave", instead of just packing your bags and walking out. Gross choice of wording, by the way.

Good luck OP.

Your partner should be doing the domestic work!

Stop doing it. Or tell her you aren't her parent.

Move out. If you stay and stand your ground by not doing the dishes, you could end up living in squalor.

We had a take turns rule

If DH ‘missed’ Tuesday it would be his turn until he’d done it... so he’d have Wednesdays dishes as well.

Didn’t take long for them to buck up