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Original poster

Dating CFery. I’m still kicking myself

97 replies

TemptedToSleepInTheShed · 07/06/2021 15:21

There was a post on here last week about a guy being tight on a first date, and it reminded me of a guy I dated for a while.... in fact I wonder if it was the same guy!

He would always be quite certain about what he wanted to do / where to go on a date, be it a restaurant or a bar for drinks or whatever, but then EVERY time the bill would come, he would ask in front of the server “do you want me to pay for this?”

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

What other CFery have you experienced when dating. Please make me feel better for putting up with this for so long :-(

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 07/06/2021 19:34

I remember one loser who used to calculate the exact amount based on my food order, drink order
Wait with his hand out
Take the money and tell me he was my ACCOUNTANT

He was vile
Overweight
I was teeny size 12 he tried to make me lose weight to be size 8
I was 5 ft 11

Mad man
Gosh I hope he is still single
Total idiot

SengaMac · 07/06/2021 19:40

@Hadalifeonce

At the cinema, about a million years ago, my boyfriend (we were about 12), asked if I would like him to pay for me, I said yes please. He said 'give me your half crown then'
Grin
ColaOlaLa · 07/06/2021 19:52

You’re just as bad as the other op, are you her? Lol she offered to buy the guys dinner then got annoyed she had to pay for it Confused you sound just as bad 😬

Cadent · 07/06/2021 19:54

@ColaOlaLa

You’re just as bad as the other op, are you her? Lol she offered to buy the guys dinner then got annoyed she had to pay for it Confused you sound just as bad 😬
That's not what happened. She suggested a happy hour pasta email, he ordered something more expensive and also didn't pay for drinks.
ColaOlaLa · 07/06/2021 19:55

It is literally what happened, he paid for bowling so she offered to pay for dinner (which most people would assume means drinks) and she didn’t tell him he was only allowed to order of the cheap menu!

ColaOlaLa · 07/06/2021 20:01

ive just seen that the thread was made up anyway 🤦‍♀️

RandomCatGenerator · 07/06/2021 20:10

@BlueLobelia

I was asked out for dinner. I arrived on time (I am ALWAYS ON TIME... I blame my star sign Grin ) and my 'date' had not only already arrived, he had ordered his meal, it had arrived and he was half way through it.

Then in the middle of chewing he looked me up and down and commented; 'I bet you are a wildcat in the sack'.

My self esteem was rock bottom those days. But even I was not having any of that crap. There was no second date.

Shock

I think this one takes the prize.

GertietheGherkin · 07/06/2021 20:17

@TemptedToSleepInTheShed

There was a post on here last week about a guy being tight on a first date, and it reminded me of a guy I dated for a while.... in fact I wonder if it was the same guy!

He would always be quite certain about what he wanted to do / where to go on a date, be it a restaurant or a bar for drinks or whatever, but then EVERY time the bill would come, he would ask in front of the server “do you want me to pay for this?”

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

What other CFery have you experienced when dating. Please make me feel better for putting up with this for so long :-(

Awwww nooooo, ah bless you. I have always been very much a pay my way or halves. I think if I'd have in your situation though, especially if it was more than once, I'd have just have had to have said "Oh no, please I insist, I'd be cruel to deny you picking up the bill this time, seeing how I've denied you the privilege last time" You could have smiled really sweetly too to show sincerity 😃
UkuleleRose · 07/06/2021 20:49

@osbertthesyrianhamster

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

On what planet is that? Dear god. 'I'll get mine and you get yours'. I don't do halves because too many pisstakers have multiple drinks, a starter, expensive main, dessert with speciality coffee (I can't eat that much in one sitting) and then tried to pull the 'let's go half' stunt. 'No. Mine cost about a third of yours.' Then block after leaving.

Had a couple who pulled the 'forgot my wallet' bullshit. They had their phone and car keys. 'Guess you'll need to phone someone' paid for mine and left.

Or when it's their round and they pull the 'Just nipping to the toilet'. 'I'll wait till you get back then.'

Whilst dating I did not have the money, literally, to pay for some chancer twat to dine out on me.

Was seeing one guy; things going well. Invited him to dinner at mine, pulled out all the stops - lovely starter, main, dessert, wine, sides, etc. No problem.

He invited me to his and then tried to charge me 20 quid after I finished. I left.

Arranged a date with another, due to meet in town centre to go to a museum. He tried to charge me for his bus fare to get there. Eh? 'No.'

You're one badass dating goddess, Osbert! :-)
Lebowitzlove · 07/06/2021 21:28

@Worrywart1983

Not to be overly serious on a lighthearted thread, but you need to start working on boundary setting. If you let someone test your boundaries that way early on and give in you May end up in an amusing relationship. Speaking from experience (clearly!)
I think a few of us have been there, including OP. Some people do have no compunctions about pushing boundaries. Normally people try to do the right thing which is why it is disconcerting to come across this kind of thing. Looking on the positive side, it is a lesson learned- boundaries strongly in place and seeing the early signs for what they are. I like the idea we see it as an amusing experience.
DdraigGoch · 07/06/2021 21:31

@osbertthesyrianhamster

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

On what planet is that? Dear god. 'I'll get mine and you get yours'. I don't do halves because too many pisstakers have multiple drinks, a starter, expensive main, dessert with speciality coffee (I can't eat that much in one sitting) and then tried to pull the 'let's go half' stunt. 'No. Mine cost about a third of yours.' Then block after leaving.

Had a couple who pulled the 'forgot my wallet' bullshit. They had their phone and car keys. 'Guess you'll need to phone someone' paid for mine and left.

Or when it's their round and they pull the 'Just nipping to the toilet'. 'I'll wait till you get back then.'

Whilst dating I did not have the money, literally, to pay for some chancer twat to dine out on me.

Was seeing one guy; things going well. Invited him to dinner at mine, pulled out all the stops - lovely starter, main, dessert, wine, sides, etc. No problem.

He invited me to his and then tried to charge me 20 quid after I finished. I left.

Arranged a date with another, due to meet in town centre to go to a museum. He tried to charge me for his bus fare to get there. Eh? 'No.'

Do you have "mug" tattooed upon your forehead? I can't think how else you manage to find so many of these CFs.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/06/2021 21:37

Um, Goch, you didn't read the full post. I quoted the OP in bold at the top, hence the asterisks. So I'm assuming you're addressing the OP as having 'mug' tattooed on her forehead Hmm.

DdraigGoch · 07/06/2021 21:44

@TemptedToSleepInTheShed

I don’t know why I fell for it so many times, I was always so cross with myself afterwards, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say “yes” Or even “let’s go halves” when the server’s eyes were on me - I would just blurt out “no it’s ok I’ll pay”

He pulled loads of these little stunts and was really quite tight.

You need to woman up, OP. How hard is it to say: "Oh, you don't have to. We'll split."

You then get the satisfaction of seeing his face when he momentarily thinks he's got away with it.

COPPER3 · 07/06/2021 21:53

I dated a tight arse..he insisted he was a good, kind guy and very generous. He was also manipulative and sly, but that is a whole other thread!

Can't stand TIGHT people! They are unkind, uncaring, rude, greedy, self-obsessed f**kers. They usually are well paid and financially secure, from my experience, but for some reason love to hang on to their money! A horrible trait and MEAN HEARTED. Girls beware!

susiebluebell · 07/06/2021 22:07

May end up in an amusing relationship

So much better than the other kind! Grin

DdraigGoch · 07/06/2021 22:17

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Um, Goch, you didn't read the full post. I quoted the OP in bold at the top, hence the asterisks. So I'm assuming you're addressing the OP as having 'mug' tattooed on her forehead Hmm.
No, I read it. The half dozen examples of men who thought that you were gullible (yes, they turned out to be wrong but they obviously thought that they could try).
osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/06/2021 22:21

No, I read it. The half dozen examples of men who thought that you were gullible (yes, they turned out to be wrong but they obviously thought that they could try).

So lovely of you to personally insult me by then insinuating I have 'mug' tattooed on my head just from that Hmm. Quite unpleasant and ugly in fact. Funny how you never said the same to others to whom this happened and in fact more than half a dozen times by the same man. You'd think there was something person in that Hmm.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2021 22:26

@slashlover

It's not a modern thing. My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's. She cottoned on to that one pretty quick.

I don't understand what's wrong with that though?

He would have been earning almost twice as much as her for doing a similar job and he arranged to meet her inside so that she had to buy her own ticket. The cinema was a very cheap date in those days - my mum is about the age of @slashlover's parents and they would go several nights a week.
Original poster
TemptedToSleepInTheShed · 08/06/2021 07:32

Thank you everyone for your similar stories. I feel a little less daft now looking back on it!

OP posts:
COPPER3 · 08/06/2021 07:50

OP please don't think you are alone. The open-hearted and kind women seem to attract the mean wankers of the world. Lessons learnt! Doesn't it feel good to finally dump the sh*ts and regain your self-worth. Well done you! xx

Whyhello · 08/06/2021 07:56

You let him get away with that really. You should have said ‘nope, it’s your turn’ or ‘let’s go halves’. No idea why you just laid down and paid every time.

OldTinHat · 08/06/2021 08:44

I dated this guy too! When ordering drinks at the bar he actually took two steps back and stood behind me when asked to pay. He was a very well paid SE tree surgeon and had cash falling out from under every mattress in his house. I was a single parent with teenage sons and barely able to pay my mortgage at the time.

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