Page 3 | Dating CFery. I’m still kicking myself

TheBullfinch · 07/06/2021 18:02

Sounds like one of my exes.

So tight he only breathed in despite being a property portfolio, speed boat, super car owning millionaire.

Regularly forgot his wallet to all manner of events.
Would revel in making people uncomfortable and feel obliged to pay. People are so unused to such
cheeky fuckery, they're stunned into submission and compliance.

He's just become single again after being dumped.

Beware if you're in the South West.

Also known to use the phrase "I'm a nice guy."

starfishmummy · 07/06/2021 18:04

Years ago. Guy I'd met through friends, we had been out in a group, but first time on our own, supposed to be cinema and a drink, but he hadn't eaten so wanted food so first we went to a cafe of his choice. I had already eaten, so just ordered a coffee. Placed the order - table service which makes it sound fancier than the "greasy spoon" it was. As soon as our order had been taken he grabbed the menu again and announced that mine was £. I was a bit surprised as we didnt need to pay until we left, but I muttered something like "thats fine". A few seconds later he repeated himself so I said "OK"; realised he was getting agitated and that he obviously wanted me to hand my share over straight away. I didnt have the right money so out came his purse while he scraped around to see if he could give me change, when it got to the "if you give me 1 then I can give you 5...pence that is, I decided there wouldn't be another date!!

To cap it all we were running late due to his meal so missed the film!!

There wasnt a second date!!

chaosmaker · 07/06/2021 18:05

You should have said Yes, yes I do!

Doris86 · 07/06/2021 18:06

I once went on a first date with a guy. We went to a pub, met outside the door and then walked in together. Once inside, without a word he strolled straight up to the bar and ordered himself a drink, leaving me to get my own.

Never saw him again funnily enough!

QioiioiioQ · 07/06/2021 18:07

He invited me to his and then tried to charge me 20 quid after I finished
OMG!!!

Hadalifeonce · 07/06/2021 18:07

At the cinema, about a million years ago, my boyfriend (we were about 12), asked if I would like him to pay for me, I said yes please. He said 'give me your half crown then'

HTH1 · 07/06/2021 18:08

@TemptedToSleepInTheShed

There was a post on here last week about a guy being tight on a first date, and it reminded me of a guy I dated for a while.... in fact I wonder if it was the same guy!

He would always be quite certain about what he wanted to do / where to go on a date, be it a restaurant or a bar for drinks or whatever, but then EVERY time the bill would come, he would ask in front of the server “do you want me to pay for this?”

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

What other CFery have you experienced when dating. Please make me feel better for putting up with this for so long :-(

You’re nicer than me. I would simply have said “yes”, with a big smile, every time.

solvendie · 07/06/2021 18:09

My response would have had to be ‘How very kind of you, thank you’

AlanThePig · 07/06/2021 18:30

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

If you meet IN the cinema, it means you’ve each had to buy your own ticket

Indeed. He'd also tell me the story of how Mum came in to meet him, got stuck in the huge velvet curtains they had in old cinemas and almost landed on his lap as she fell into the room 😂

BigDaddio · 07/06/2021 18:37

@Tubs11

In this instance I'm the CF. Went on a date with this guy to a wine bar and he got a round in. Unbeknownst to me at the time my drink, delicious white wine from NZ was £15 a glass to his £4 beer. Anyway he got the first few rounds in before I got up off my arse to go to the bar. Nearly fell backwards when the bar tender gave me the bill. Went back to my date and was all apologies for my extravagant taste and offered to repay the massive difference for our respective drinks. He just shrugged it off and told me not to worry about it. We're married now and I do sometimes wonder if I hadn't got to the bar would be have called for a second date

Thats how a date is supposed to go ! good on the both of you.

BlondeRaven · 07/06/2021 18:37

I’ve never been in a date where the guy pays for everything, I have to pay my way that way, but I have had some 🤔 moments.

One guy told me not to worry about paying because he had 2 for 1 vouchers, apparently he normally took his mum to this restaurant on 2 for 1 night but I was honoured to take her place that week.

Another guy, loaded, drove a Porsche, took me to the movies I had to buy my own ticket then we went for a drink after where he bought himself a drink then went and sat down while I got my own. I don’t mind paying but I just thought the way he did it was rude. The rest of the date he told me that poor people deserved being poor as they were lazy and stupid, kids especially know it all kids all needed a decent slap and put in their places especially little shits like my cousins DS. I want to add this guy was the best friend of my cousins son’s Dad and in business with his Dads brother. He finally went in to tell me he could see me in 10 years knocked up with a few kids all ready living in a crappy council house like my cousin. There wasn’t a second date and I relayed everything back to my cousin who told her ex who wasn’t too happy about when was said about his son who was about 5 at the time.

Another one it wasn’t a date. I’d been out with work colleagues we’d gone to this new “it” place and bumped into some other people from the same company, one of the guys I had a secret booty call going on with but no one knew about it. It ended up just being the 2 of us left, I was so drunk I went and ordered a really expensive bottle of wine I think it was £90 I asked them to take it to the table while I went to the ladies. I suddenly started to feel really sick and my head was spinning so decided to up and leave not telling him and left him with a £90 bottle of wine to pay for 😬

sar302 · 07/06/2021 18:39

First date with someone I'd known for a while. Drinks and cinema. Standard first date. He bought tickets and sweets - I offered to go halves, but he refused. Popped into a bar while waiting for the film to start. I went to the loo and he bought cocktails - without checking what I liked - and I hated mine. He got a bit sniffy that I wouldn't drink it, so I bought myself a new one.

Post film, we went to get a taxi back to my house. I said I'd get the taxi, and his reply was "it's the least you can do as I've paid for you all night". 🤨

When we finally made it to bed, he couldn't get it up, started crying about the fact that he wasn't over his ex, and left my house at 3am.

Poptart4 · 07/06/2021 18:45

@Hadalifeonce

At the cinema, about a million years ago, my boyfriend (we were about 12), asked if I would like him to pay for me, I said yes please. He said 'give me your half crown then'

Love this :D

Sunshinesusan67 · 07/06/2021 18:47

Haven't read the full thread but I'm perplexed at this. I mean if he repeatedly said to you 'sorry I've forgot my card can you pay' in front of the server then that would be a real stitch up and I could see why you might not feel comfortable saying no.

But if he asked you if you want him to pay then why didn't you just say 'awww that would be lovely, thank you' and then he'd be left with no choice? He did offer...

Had my fair share of CFery on dates. One guy badgered me to go away for the night with him only to complain about how expensive everything was until I felt obliged to pay half for a stay I didn't particularly want to go on.

mam0918 · 07/06/2021 18:49

Im more the opposit, Im happy to halves, split, rounds, take turns etc... and would never go on a first date expecting not to pay at least part BUT I hate guys who controllingly refuse to let you pay.

I dont find it romantic I find it creepy and you better not have any ideas that I owe you or will be paying it back in sexual favors (which some of these guys expect, others are just 'old fashioned' but it still makes me very uncomfortable).

Bluecarcarmom · 07/06/2021 19:06

When I was a young single mother I was going out with someone ten years older with a really good job. I always paid my way even when he chose expensive restaurants that I couldn’t really afford.
We were out one evening and he said he needed to go back to his house (about ten miles away) as someone was dropping something for work. We had been drinking so got a taxi. The original plan had been for us to get the train home. He got the taxi to stop at exactly £10 and said we would walk the rest of the way, about five miles on country lanes with no footpaths on a dark, snowy December night! It took hours. He later said we wouldn’t have had to walk if I’d paid for the taxi!!

slashlover · 07/06/2021 19:07

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

If you meet IN the cinema, it means you’ve each had to buy your own ticket

Still failing to see the issue, unless it meant you couldn't sit together.

mam0918 · 07/06/2021 19:09

@TheBullfinch

Sounds like one of my exes.

So tight he only breathed in despite being a property portfolio, speed boat, super car owning millionaire.

Regularly forgot his wallet to all manner of events.
Would revel in making people uncomfortable and feel obliged to pay. People are so unused to such
cheeky fuckery, they're stunned into submission and compliance.

He's just become single again after being dumped.

Beware if you're in the South West.

Also known to use the phrase "I'm a nice guy."

'Nice' is the bare minimum a person should be not an achievement... anyone that calls themselves a 'Nice guy' usually A) isnt 'that' nice B) is towing the most basic lines of acceptible behavior C) is dull and has no other characteristics to discribe themselves than 'nice'

C0nstance · 07/06/2021 19:13

@Bluecarcarmom wow, even the taxi driver must have been thinking what. on. earth?

I had a bf like this when I was young. We did the things he could afford but he made me pay half. I dumped him. But regret that I didn't do it sooner/

MarshmallowSwede · 07/06/2021 19:14

I’m not sure where all these men come from
being worried about “gold diggers”.. they don’t have any gold!

These men don’t even have any money, or at least not any significant amount to where they should be worried about a woman getting their cash.

C0nstance · 07/06/2021 19:17

I know right! My x, my children's father (you see OP? other people have made bigger errors of judgement!) he treated me like a slave for 7 years. I was bullied in to giving up my job because he wouldn't do a pick up or a drop off. I was then financially dependent on a tightwad, and when I left him with nothing but debts, two dependents, all my savings burnt through, no job to go back to at that point, no income, no freedom to work, he said ''it's all about money with you!''. And his mother nodded. The same mother who divorced his father and walked away with a settlement that at least gave her a roof over her head and enough to live on. So weird how many men thing that women are digging for gold. If I was digging for gold I should have tried a different mine. I wasn't a gold digger but I was really really stupid.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/06/2021 19:21

@mam0918

Im more the opposit, Im happy to halves, split, rounds, take turns etc... and would never go on a first date expecting not to pay at least part BUT I hate guys who controllingly refuse to let you pay.

I dont find it romantic I find it creepy and you better not have any ideas that I owe you or will be paying it back in sexual favors (which some of these guys expect, others are just 'old fashioned' but it still makes me very uncomfortable).

Oh, those ones who go on about 'old fashioned' or 'old school', they're cunts.

Worrywart1983 · 07/06/2021 19:22

Not to be overly serious on a lighthearted thread, but you need to start working on boundary setting. If you let someone test your boundaries that way early on and give in you May end up in an amusing relationship. Speaking from experience (clearly!)

custardbear · 07/06/2021 19:29

Not romantic but an ex-friend used to take the royal piss by always being the last to get her card out when we were out for a group meal, everyone would put their money in and tip too,
She'd whisper to the waiting staff 'just put the rest in my card' so no change and she'd have snaffled the tip into her share so always ended up paying way below what she'd had
Really used to piss me off.
She was a good friend but realised eventually she was actually quite manipulative and really not very nice - picked out people to bully too and was a user when she wanted something from someone she didn't particularly like - well shot of her 😝

HTH1 · 07/06/2021 19:32

@Cottoncandyandpeaches

Not a date but my lazy entitled sd (18) came to live with us as her mother chucked her out My son came down to see us and asked if we fancied doing happy hour on the burgers at our local hungry horse pub Idea being that we’d get the food and a soft drink each-my son wanted to treat us as we don’t see each other often It was 2-4-1 so her dad (my partner) asked if she wanted to come with us to take advantage of the ‘free’ burger She was the first in the car,first to the table,first to grab the menu and tried to order the most expensive food on the menu My son and I put our foot down and told her it was a burger and soft drink or nothing as that was the deal which we’d made very clear when her dad invited her She threw a tantrum at the table but we ignored it and finally ordered our food She kept going to the toilet and I commented that I could smell booze but her dad swore blind she didn’t drink Turned out she’d been going to the bar and was running up a tab on our table with no means to pay for it as she refused to get a job and had no money We ended up (after a massive row) going thirds to cover the bill and dragged her home-barely able to stand up-we had to spend most of the night making sure she didn’t swallow her own vomit She sobered up at some point and rang her mother to tell her we’d refused to feed her and how unreasonable we where for getting angry at her booze bill and the way she went about getting it (while swearing blind she’s never had a drink in her life) Her mother (who loves to score points at anytime) hit the roof with my son-‘what she wants,she must have at your expense-how dare you not want to pay for the drinks she got pissed on even though she didn’t touch the booze’ She went back to her mother within the week and I’ve not spoken to her since

Sounds like the best deal in the end!