Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating CFery. I’m still kicking myself

97 replies

TemptedToSleepInTheShed · 07/06/2021 15:21

There was a post on here last week about a guy being tight on a first date, and it reminded me of a guy I dated for a while.... in fact I wonder if it was the same guy!

He would always be quite certain about what he wanted to do / where to go on a date, be it a restaurant or a bar for drinks or whatever, but then EVERY time the bill would come, he would ask in front of the server “do you want me to pay for this?”

It’s such a bizarre thing to ask, because it almost forces the other person to say “no it’s alright, I’ll pay”. And I did. Every time.

What other CFery have you experienced when dating. Please make me feel better for putting up with this for so long :-(

OP posts:
FillerAngel · 07/06/2021 16:36

“That’s really kind, thank you - your share is; £x”

Sidge · 07/06/2021 16:38

I had a dinner date with a guy who ordered a shedload of food as well as a couple of drinks, then dessert. I had a main and a diet coke.

He asked the waiter for the bill then turned to me and said "we'll go halves, yeah?".

I'm not normally confrontational but said err no, mine cost about £12 so here's £15 to include a tip, and handed him the cash. His face was a picture.

I never expected to be paid for on a date and was always happy to go Dutch, get alternate rounds etc but not when there's a huge disparity between spends!! I ain't subbing some greedy bugger's dinner plans.

DestinationsUnknown · 07/06/2021 16:38

@DrSbaitso, that’s exactly the type we’re talking about! Thought that if a woman said hello, she wanted her rent paid! Confused

Weaponising money manipulatively and passive aggressively is such an insightful way to put it! You’ve been through this crap?

Hard to imagine how some people have no sense of embarrassment, you can only feel embarrassed for them. And the worst (and only) culprit was the one who had it to spend.

AlanThePig · 07/06/2021 16:39

It's not a modern thing. My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's. She cottoned on to that one pretty quick.
Bizarre really as they were together almost 60 years before he died and my Dad was one of the kindest, most generous men you could meet. But he still liked to save a shilling at the pictures 😂

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 16:40

Weaponising money manipulatively and passive aggressively is such an insightful way to put it! You’ve been through this crap?

Not through dating, but I've heard a lot of stories and I've had men attempt to use money to manipulate me.

Gliblet · 07/06/2021 16:41

@BuggerBognor

I paid for the first date, he ordered oysters so when it was his turn to pay I was pretty annoyed that he pushed the “happy hour” (shit) wine menu at me. He was a barrister with a holiday home in Provence that he kept braying on about.

I ordered dutifully but then sent about 7 glasses back on the bounce because they were all “corked” or “surely not supposed to taste like that”. Eventually the waiter suggested the proper wine list might suit me better so I dutifully ordered the most expensive bottle (and drunkenly took the rest of the bottle home on the tube).

There was no third date.

Reading that made me very happy Grin
EvilPea · 07/06/2021 16:41

I paid for my birthday meal out once (but for both meals)

We’d been together a year Confused he did have money.

It was only after I finished it did I realise how much money I was spending.

MsVestibule · 07/06/2021 16:47

My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's... But he still liked to save a shilling at the pictures

But this is why men were paid more than woman back then - it's because there was an expectation that the man had more outgoings, i.e. women!!

Wrotten · 07/06/2021 16:52

A guy I was dating when I was about 16 tried to get two child tickets when he took me to the cinema. He was 23/24! I was so embarrassed at the show he put on pretending to look for the other "child" he was buying for.

CarnationCat · 07/06/2021 16:54

When I was eighteen I went on date with a man who was late 20s. Probably not the best idea looking back. Anyway, he was insistent on repeatedly telling me about about is high flying career as a lawyer and how he dines at all of these fancy restaurants. We were actually eating at a fancy restaurant. He told me about his four holiday homes and his private jet.

I wish I was joking but he got up and left the table to go to the toilet and this folded up piece of card fell out of his pocket and landed next to me. I picked it up and opened it (nosy I know) and it was a supermarket Employee of the Month award.

He took if from me, went to the toilet without saying anything and just walked straight out when he came out of the toilet, right past me and didn't look at me.

I found it amusing for about 2 minutes before I realised that I had to pay the expensive bill.

Bluntness100 · 07/06/2021 16:56

Honestly it really doesn’t force the other person to say that,

Answers

Sure, it’s your turn
Sure thanks
Let’s go halves.

Plenty of things to say other than repeatedly no id like to pay for it.

mummypie17 · 07/06/2021 16:58

I went on two dates with this guy. Both dates were just drinks. The first date, I paid as I also ordered a snack. The second date he paid but he messaged me afterwards to remind me that next time I needed to pay. I told him that I wasn't interested in another date. It wasn't because I had to pay but that he had to especially send me a message to remind me.

mummypie17 · 07/06/2021 17:01

His response was ''remember to buy my drink next time, as I'm sure you like me.'' I told him that I hardly knew him. He then said "not sure why you aren't being truthful when it's obvious you like me." So I showed him that he was wrong by politely declining another date.

me4real · 07/06/2021 17:03

Wow, some of the stories on here!

DeeleysMum · 07/06/2021 17:06

Years ago I used to go on lots of blind dates. Most of the time they ended up being a scream once I'd got past the thought of I never wanting to see the guy again.

One guy turned up looking and sounding exactly like Phillip Schofield, and it kinda killed the romance but we had a great laugh.

Another one kept his coat buttoned up to the neck and when I asked him if he was cold he said 'oh I'm not staying' then proceeded to ask me out for a second date, you can guess my response.

Another sat there shaking his empty pint glass at me as if to say 'your turn'. He got his pint, I went home.

I met one guy in a restaurant an hours drive from my home town, he was an Army lad, just my type back then, looked gorgeous in his pics and his uniform, turned up, smiled, no teeth! I talked the eyeballs off him to kill any gummy chat then made my excuses, bless him though he'd bought me roses!

Glad to say the result of a blind date with another guy led me to my now husband. ☺️

slashlover · 07/06/2021 17:09

It's not a modern thing. My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's. She cottoned on to that one pretty quick.

I don't understand what's wrong with that though?

Elderflower14 · 07/06/2021 17:13

@slashlover

It's not a modern thing. My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's. She cottoned on to that one pretty quick.

I don't understand what's wrong with that though?

She had to pay for herself to get in!
SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/06/2021 17:13

Just to be clear it wasn't that I objected to paying £5 for my own sandwich or wanted an expensive date I just really didn't appreciatethe long speach insinuating that I was some kind of gold digger when I earned the same as him and had never suggested I expected him to pay.

Cottoncandyandpeaches · 07/06/2021 17:14

Not a date but my lazy entitled sd (18) came to live with us as her mother chucked her out
My son came down to see us and asked if we fancied doing happy hour on the burgers at our local hungry horse pub
Idea being that we’d get the food and a soft drink each-my son wanted to treat us as we don’t see each other often
It was 2-4-1 so her dad (my partner) asked if she wanted to come with us to take advantage of the ‘free’ burger
She was the first in the car,first to the table,first to grab the menu and tried to order the most expensive food on the menu
My son and I put our foot down and told her it was a burger and soft drink or nothing as that was the deal which we’d made very clear when her dad invited her
She threw a tantrum at the table but we ignored it and finally ordered our food
She kept going to the toilet and I commented that I could smell booze but her dad swore blind she didn’t drink
Turned out she’d been going to the bar and was running up a tab on our table with no means to pay for it as she refused to get a job and had no money
We ended up (after a massive row) going thirds to cover the bill and dragged her home-barely able to stand up-we had to spend most of the night making sure she didn’t swallow her own vomit
She sobered up at some point and rang her mother to tell her we’d refused to feed her and how unreasonable we where for getting angry at her booze bill and the way she went about getting it (while swearing blind she’s never had a drink in her life)
Her mother (who loves to score points at anytime) hit the roof with my son-‘what she wants,she must have at your expense-how dare you not want to pay for the drinks she got pissed on even though she didn’t touch the booze’
She went back to her mother within the week and I’ve not spoken to her since

FunMcCool · 07/06/2021 17:16

Why didn’t you say oh yeah I got last time! Thanks!

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 07/06/2021 17:16

If you meet IN the cinema, it means you’ve each had to buy your own ticket

BlueLobelia · 07/06/2021 17:22

I was asked out for dinner. I arrived on time (I am ALWAYS ON TIME... I blame my star sign Grin ) and my 'date' had not only already arrived, he had ordered his meal, it had arrived and he was half way through it.

Then in the middle of chewing he looked me up and down and commented; 'I bet you are a wildcat in the sack'.

My self esteem was rock bottom those days. But even I was not having any of that crap. There was no second date.

Cadent · 07/06/2021 17:38

@AlanThePig

It's not a modern thing. My Dad would tell my Mum he'd meet her in the cinema when they were courting in the 50's. She cottoned on to that one pretty quick. Bizarre really as they were together almost 60 years before he died and my Dad was one of the kindest, most generous men you could meet. But he still liked to save a shilling at the pictures 😂
Maybe he's been strung along by too many broads Grin
MrsIsobelCrawley · 07/06/2021 17:47

@ruthieness

I went on a blind date with a guy - just drinks but he "forgot" his wallet. Didn't see him again. About 5 years later I went on another blind date and it happened again which is when I realised - It was the same guy!!!! I hadn't recognised him until then!!

What an idiot! (him and me!)

StarStarStarStarStar post!!
smallspeckbigcloud · 07/06/2021 17:52

I very briefly dated a guy who, despite on our first date told me he earnt loads and didn't need to think about what we spent, turned up to each date saying he had forgotten to take money out and could I pay? (credit cards were actually a thing back then - I'm not that ancient). On the last date, I said 'No, you are paying for this'. Then I told him he was a tight git. He whined, ' everyone says that but I just forget to get money out' Hmm God he was awful.