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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not invite my sister-in-law to my hen do?

66 replies

Debbierocket123 · 07/06/2021 11:23

There are many reasons I do not want to invite her. To be honest I can't stand the woman. The only words I have ever heard come out of her mouth are insults and put-downs towards me so I keep my contact with her to a minimum. She also lives 8 hours away from me and don't want too many people to attend outside of my usual bubble due to covid. She is coming to the wedding but I still intend to keep my distance from her. A few members of my H2B's family think this is a huge scandal and I am being out of order for not inviting her but I really don't want her there. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
espressoontap · 07/06/2021 11:23

No! Your hen do - invite who you want.

Aprilwasverywet · 07/06/2021 11:24

I never invited mine. I never went to hers either...

Wrotten · 07/06/2021 11:25

My SIL didn't invite me to hers. No idea why as we get on. It's just never been discussed.

Thehop · 07/06/2021 11:25

I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow at this! Just invite your friends

notanothertakeaway · 07/06/2021 11:25

I might take the moral high ground, invite her, and then task a coyple of people with keeping her out of your way

Or make the hen do sound small & low key, so she declines

Leeds2 · 07/06/2021 11:30

I wouldn't invite her. I also wouldn't think she would want to attend anyway.

VainAbigail · 07/06/2021 11:31

Does she like you?

4amWitchingHour · 07/06/2021 11:34

My SIL and I didn't invite each other to our respective hen dos. We get on fine, just quite different people and don't see each other all that often anyway. No issue

billy1966 · 07/06/2021 11:51

I would be rethinking marrying into such a family.
Horrible SIL and a family that have an opinion on your hen which is NOTHING to do with them.

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 07/06/2021 11:53

Thank you for the answers so far. I have no idea if she likes me but she constantly insults me so I don't imagine she does. I don't enjoy her company at all she puts me on edge so I don't want her to ruin the day. If I invite her she WILL come despite this so I am just using covid as an excuse right now so my H2B's family don't blame me for being difficult.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 07/06/2021 11:56

If she lives eight hours away, how is she managing to constantly insult you? Isn’t she pretty unlikely to come given the distance and that she doesn’t like you?

katy1213 · 07/06/2021 11:56

No need even to let them know that a hen do is happening - it's for your friends.

denverRegina · 07/06/2021 11:58

Lives 8 hours away yet constantly insults you? How?

PurpleDaisies · 07/06/2021 11:59

@billy1966

I would be rethinking marrying into such a family. Horrible SIL and a family that have an opinion on your hen which is NOTHING to do with them.
Would you honestly call off a wedding over this? It’s easy to say this to a random on an anonymous forum but seriously, in real life who is actually going to rethink getting married over a gen do argument?
RonSwansonsChair · 07/06/2021 12:02

@Aprilwasverywet

I never invited mine. I never went to hers either...
Ditto! Never even thought about it until now.
PixieDust28 · 07/06/2021 12:04

No. It's your hen do invite who you like.

People really piss me off when they say 'oh no, you have to invite them!' Do I? If you're so bothered have a party for two on your own pet.

The fact she insults you and puts you on edge is enough not to invite her in the first place. Fuck her.

PixieDust28 · 07/06/2021 12:05

@denverRegina

Lives 8 hours away yet constantly insults you? How?
Social media. Family groups. Texting?

You could be on the other end of the earth it's not exactly hard to reach out or bitch about someone.

RonSwansonsChair · 07/06/2021 12:06

billy1966 what absolute bollocks!
Of course you don't not marry someone because you don't get on with their sibling. You set your boundaries and stick to them.

TailFeatherz · 07/06/2021 12:18

Invite her and ruin your own hen do? Why would you do that!?

Your day, your decision

Waspsarearseholes · 07/06/2021 12:24

@notanothertakeaway

I might take the moral high ground, invite her, and then task a coyple of people with keeping her out of your way

Or make the hen do sound small & low key, so she declines

Why put yourself through all that bother, though? It's likely to be just a few people, certainly not enough people so that OP can avoid her. Why should OP's friends, who she actually wants there, have their evening ruined by having to go through a silly effort to keep this horrid woman away from OP? How what that even work? What would that look like, to you?

OP you most definitely do not need to invite her, it's completely up to you who you invite. Hen dos are for your closest friends, not your husband-to-be's family who are awful to you anyway!

Makegoodchoices · 07/06/2021 12:32

I’m really hoping my SIL doesn’t invite me to hers. Nothing personal but I hate hen dos and have been to many over the years.

It didn’t even occur to me to invite all the SILs to mine because I barely knew them at the time.

Takeitonthechin · 07/06/2021 12:34

Do NOT INVITE HER...

MinnieMountain · 07/06/2021 12:37

I didn’t invite BIL’s then DP to mine as she was a pain in the arse. I viewed it as the one part of our wedding where I could do exactly as I pleased.

Dontbeme · 07/06/2021 12:38

Going against the grain her OP but I say for the sake of family harmony invite her. Then get a bridesmaid to tell her everyone is dressing up in themed outfits. She will either refuse to go or, better yet, show up dressed up and you can regale family at every event going forward about how "silly" SIL was in her fancy dress and you have no idea how she came upon such an idea when everyone else just showed up in normal going out wear.

Curioushorse · 07/06/2021 12:40

Hmmm. See I think you need to play the long game here. I would invite her, but I'm a bitch. Reasons:

  • you'll have the moral high ground forever.
  • either she won't come, or she'll have to be nice to you. You might end up actually becoming friends
  • your friends will all be there. Your crew. If she insults you in front of them, surely they'll all pile on to defend you and make her look awful?
  • you will look like a really nice person. Anything mean she does after this would make her look like a complete cow
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