AIBU to not invite my sister-in-law to my hen do?

[Debbierocket123]

There are many reasons I do not want to invite her. To be honest I can't stand the woman. The only words I have ever heard come out of her mouth are insults and put-downs towards me so I keep my contact with her to a minimum. She also lives 8 hours away from me and don't want too many people to attend outside of my usual bubble due to covid. She is coming to the wedding but I still intend to keep my distance from her. A few members of my H2B's family think this is a huge scandal and I am being out of order for not inviting her but I really don't want her there. Am I being unreasonable?

Don't do the fancy dress thing

Don't invite her, use covid as the excuse (e.g., venue is limiting you to x-amount of people), so sorry, see you at the wedding. If she takes issue with it don't let her draw you into an argument or discussion about it.

If she always insults you and isn’t very nice then she doesn’t deserve an invitation! You want to be happy at your hen do, not feeling uncomfortable.

I get on really well with my SIL but she lives about 3 hrs away and has 2 young kids so it didn’t even cross my mind to invite her. I had a really low key evening anyway (Thai restaurant followed by my favourite pub) and just asked local friends and my sister who also lives locally. It’s never caused an issue and I wouldn’t expect to be invited to hers either if she has one. The wedding is the important bit!

Surely Hen dos are for YOUR very close friends and sisters?
I don’t get this thing of inviting your future in-laws, unless you also happen to be good friends.
Parents also seem to be becoming obligatory. DD1 is marrying next year and when she started mentioning hen dos I said unless she really wanted me there, I wouldn’t expect or look to go. It changes the dynamic a bit and her friends might feel inhibited about taking the piss out of her for past crimes etc if I’m there.
We get on brilliantly and spend lots of time together but I’m her mum, not her peer.

If she's been rude and nasty towards you then she has uninvited herself. No reason you should put up with her.

Apologies I accidentally hit the wrong box .
Of course you are not unreasonable. If she can't have good manners and will only insult you ,you don't need her there.

Oh God definitely don’t invite her. No need for any “moral” high ground, no such place exists and it’s another way to keep women always doing the “nice” thing which doesn’t serve to help them stand up for themselves.

You’re under no obligation and this is your day. No need to keep the peace or invite those who don’t like you and whom you don’t like.

Strokethefurrywall - thank you - this is how I feel. I am so sick of being "nice" for everyone else's sake. It's my life and no one else is living it so I want to be happy. Life's too effing short not to be. Even if I did invite her she wouldn't suddenly start being nice to me, I think she just likes the drama so if my friends stood up for me it would only fuel the fire.

I only invited friends to my very low key hen do, was just a meal. Didn't invite family.

If the rest of the family are giving you a hard time over this, I would be working on boundaries with the family as may be other issues going forward.

You don’t need to invite her.

I get on okay with mine - perfectly pleasant. I wouldn’t expect to go her to hen do though, and I wouldn’t invite her to mine (I didn’t, but then I only had my mum, two sisters and my one year old at mine 🤣).

Hens are for the bride and her friends and family. Stags are for his friends and family. They are supposed to be a fun way to relax before the wedding, not a pain in the arse stress fest! The wedding is the place for the family politics and sucking it up IMHO.

Even if you did like her, I think it's perfectly normal to not invite family to a hen party.
You want to be able to let your hair down, maybe chat about sex, get tipsy etc.
I certainly won't be doing that with with my future husband's family or my own.
I will actually be having a special afternoon tea with SIL, MIL, and my mum to celebrate. So still doing something, but it means I can relax doing my own thing with friends also.

Yeah, fuck it. Don't invite her. I wouldn't. I didn't even invite my own sister to a party I had once, as I didn't trust her not to kick off about something. Seriously.
My mum didn't like it (but I think was secretly pleased 😂). But I said, if people can't behave themselves, then they're just not invited.
If anyone questions you, just say the truth with a dead straight face. "She's always insulting me, I don't want her ruining my day".
Not a lot people can say? Even if they do, they're bloody Cuckoo.

By all means dismiss my opinion, but MN is full of stories of awful inlaws.

The Hen do is nothing to do with the grooms family, yet his family are scandalised by her choices and she writes that they might blame her.

Her SIL insults her at every opportunity.

Does the OP's husband have any opinion on his SIL rudeness? Or does he tell her she is sensitive, or pretend not to hear?
Are the rest of the family witnessing the rudeness?

If his family are as described the OP would do well to pause and think about what she is marrying into.

It is utterly naive to imagine marrying into a family of strife will not impact on the marriage.

OP is afraid of upsetting her inlaws so assuming she is going to be able to impose boundaries might not be possible.

If her intended is cowed by them, I think she may find that she has a long marriage ahead of her.

In the real world it would indeed put some women off getting further involved with someone.

NU and the 8hr distance is the perfect excuse. Does your husbands family even need to know you are having a hen do? Best not to mention it to them.

I didn't invite my SIL to my hen do - my husband has a very poor relationship with her and she's been a nightmare on the handful of occasions I've spent any time with her. Frankly she barely made the cut for the actual wedding.

You've got lots of good excuses not to invite her - stick to your guns.

No, wouldn't have even occurred to me to invite my partners sister to my hen do. She lives about 6 hours away. I don't dislike her but she's never made an effort with me. But it wouldn't even cross my mind.

My H2B doesn't like her and makes that clear to her and everyone else how he feels. No one in the family likes her but they continue to invite her to family occasions "in order to be the bigger person" and try to make us do the same but it always ends in tears. After this wedding, I am hoping we don't have to see her again. This isn't a "problem family" I am marrying into. Most of them are lovely - but no one really knows how to deal with this woman. She isn't logical, she just tries to upset people and will do anything she can think of to cause hurt or drama.

I didn’t invite mine, nor my MIL. Was invited to my SIL’s either and wish I’d been “brave” enough not to invite them to the wedding either.

Do not invite her.

Wasn’t invited to my SIL’s*

Oh for god's sake do you have to ask then, really? Fuck her.

Tell your fiancé's family to get fucked, too.

Thousands and thousands of MNers went through stuff like this so that we learned to tell you, you don't have to.

* My H2B doesn't like her and makes that clear to her and everyone else how he feels. No one in the family likes her but they continue to invite her to family occasions "in order to be the bigger person" and try to make us do the same but it always ends in tears.*

^Dont invite her to the wedding. This whole thing is ridiculous. Why are you pandering to her????

Based on what you put, it sounds better if you don't invite her, but could you then use covid as a legitimate reason ?

Nope. Your hen, your choice