AIBU to not invite my sister-in-law to my hen do?

[Debbierocket123]

There are many reasons I do not want to invite her. To be honest I can't stand the woman. The only words I have ever heard come out of her mouth are insults and put-downs towards me so I keep my contact with her to a minimum. She also lives 8 hours away from me and don't want too many people to attend outside of my usual bubble due to covid. She is coming to the wedding but I still intend to keep my distance from her. A few members of my H2B's family think this is a huge scandal and I am being out of order for not inviting her but I really don't want her there. Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU I wasn't invited to my sister in law's hen do and I get on fine with her and live around 2 hours away. If invited I probably would have felt obligated to go but wasn't in the least offended not to be. We get on fine but we're not friends and her hen do was a night out with her close friends so I felt no reason to be there (and would have felt a bit like a spare part).

@Debbierocket123

My H2B doesn't like her and makes that clear to her and everyone else how he feels. No one in the family likes her but they continue to invite her to family occasions "in order to be the bigger person" and try to make us do the same but it always ends in tears. After this wedding, I am hoping we don't have to see her again. This isn't a "problem family" I am marrying into. Most of them are lovely - but no one really knows how to deal with this woman. She isn't logical, she just tries to upset people and will do anything she can think of to cause hurt or drama.

So why are they "scandalised" then at the suggestion she wouldn't be ìnvited?.

In a normal family this wouldn't arise.

Surely OP, as an adult, the answer to your question is obvious?

Unless you don't care about her upsetting you and everyone else that attends the Hen?

Very bizarre.

If you do invite her, I would suggest you tell the other attendees that it is likely to be a stress filled, unpleasant evening.

IMO that would be the polite thing to do, so they can give it a miss.

I haven't ever been in such a situation but if I was, I would just give the Hen a miss.

If you invite her and her inevitable drama, you are putting her ahead of the other attendees which IMO is rude.

I don't want her to come to the wedding but it's my H2B's side of the family what can I do? He hasn't got much family left after the war and if SHE doesn't go - her husband and the rest of the family won't come, making my H2B's side very small. It's complicated but weddings are aren't they!

I would rather a tiny wedding rather than a stressful one any day.

Lots of people have had very small weddings over the past year and I think many have been surprised at how intimate and enjoyable they have been.

Fuck the bitch OP. Have a cracking hen 🥂🥂

Wouldn’t even have thought this was a “thing” tbh

The bride invites her own friends, and maybe family, but not groom’s side

She lives too far away and she won't know any of your long standing friends and all the stupid 'in jokes'. When his family accuse you of being difficult pull a simpering face 'Actually, I am thinking of her and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable or excluded, besides she coming to the wedding'

Good luck OP

I wouldn't have even thought to invite her to be honest
1 because she's not a close friend or family member
2 she lives 8hrs away.

[quote JustNippingToWaitrose]@Debbierocket123 “after the war?” Where do you live?[/quote]
I still want to know about this please.

Nope absolutely dont invite her, i was pressured into inviting mine, i point blank refused and arrived on my hen to a lovely rant text message from MIL...no hen do, no bridesmaid, no godparents role, nothing, make your stand now

Don't invite her and don't even bother using covid as an excuse.

If anyone asks you dind't invite her as you don't want anyone putting a downer on the hen do

She sounds like the type who would be annoyed and complain whatever you did. Don’t invite her? She’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re a bitch. Invite her? It will be ‘Can you believe she expects me to travel eight hours to her hen do?!’

Neither option will make her happy - so choose the one that makes you happy.

StillCoughingandLaughing - you sound like you've met her LOL. My H2B is from Bosnia and he lost a lot of family during the war. The small amount of family he does have are precious to him.

I didn't invite mine ... I didn't even consider it to be honest!

Don't invite her to your hen night, if anyone says anything say the chief bridesmaid organised it as that tends to fall on the chief bridesmaid anyway.