Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask opinions on this- school absence

71 replies

Partey · 07/06/2021 08:18

Ds is Y5. On top of the obvious disruption to the school year he’s also suffered with an illness. One which had resulted in a fair amount of added time off. I’m not sure what his exact % is but it won’t be great.

Due to CV an event we were due to attend with his sports team has moved to another date meaning he will miss a Friday and Monday. Refund wasn’t an option and it’s £££.

Although most of the physical symptoms of the illness are gone, some fatigue is ongoing and his mental health has taken a bit of a battering. When he’s tired he’s very tearful, hard on himself etc.

Would you still go to the event? At the very least he could attend on the Friday but will miss one part of the weekend.

Obviously the school won’t authorize an absence but his medical history/notes will confirm the prior issues with illness(of which the school were very supportive and accommodating). On one hand I feel he’s missed so much schooling but on the others he’s still doing very well academically and is exceeding in all areas. I think the weekend will help hugely in terms of his moral but is this enough to justify the absence?

My mind changes every hour, any thoughts welcome

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 07/06/2021 08:21

I’d let him go. It’s been a crap year, let’s hope we can start a proper school year in September.

BarbarianMum · 07/06/2021 08:22

If fatigue is ongoing and he's missed a lot of school then I'm not sure I'd prioritise a sporting event tbh. If it exhausts him it might just result in more time off school the following week. Can you not ask for a refund as theyve changed the dates?

RealMermaid · 07/06/2021 08:24

Mental health is more important. If you don't let him go he may feel almost like he's being punished for being sick, which will feel very unfair. Personally I'd let him go especially if he's doing fine academically anyway.

Plumbear2 · 07/06/2021 08:24

Irresponsible of a sports team to organise an event on a school day.

rjacksmiss · 07/06/2021 08:25

CV has fucked everything up. Honestly, at this point, what's another couple of days. Hope he has a big smile on his face when he's there! Go for it! ❤️

Whinge · 07/06/2021 08:26

The ongoing fatigue would worry me. If it affects how he is able to play the sport and he doesn't perform to his usual standard he may be even harder on himself. Also pushing himself when not fully recovered could lead to more time off school.

HandfulofDust · 07/06/2021 08:27

I would let him go. Sounds like a tough year for him, he's doing well academically anyway and two days can be caught up.

Heckythump1 · 07/06/2021 08:27

Nope, wouldn't be happening here.... my daughter has missed all the covid time off, plus her class to isolate for a fortnight (just before it changed to 10 days), she's also had chicken pox and two lots of dv so had another 2 weeks off.

She will in school every day this half term all being well, she's missed enough already!

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 08:28

@Plumbear2 they didn’t to be fair. Initial booking was for Easter holidays.

@BarbarianMum
his coaches have been great tbh, he’s doing enough to stay involved but not exerting himself too much. He missed an additional 6 weeks due to his illness following lifting of restrictions and they’ve slowly eased him back in.

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 07/06/2021 08:30

I'd let him go.
100%, not a shadow of doubt.

TropicalFairyCake · 07/06/2021 08:30

Im very surprised at a kids sports team arranging anything on a school day and think thats rather irresponsible and Id speak up about that.

Also if hes fatigued he wont play his best. Can you join them for the sat/sun?

I think Id be talking to the sports club though tbh.

paralysedbyinertia · 07/06/2021 08:33

Hmm, I'm not sure tbh. If he is really struggling with fatigue, is it a good idea for him to be spending a whole extended weekend doing sport? What if he is shattered the next week?

I do agree that mental health is important, and the kids have all missed out on a lot this year, but I don't think I'd want to take him out of school for something optional if he has already missed so much.

It seems odd that a children's sports club would organise activities on school days. Was this the original agreement when you paid for it?

paralysedbyinertia · 07/06/2021 08:34

X post, I see the original booking was for school holidays. I think they need to reschedule the activity for the summer break or refund your money tbh. It isn't reasonable to expect kids to miss school.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 08:35

@TropicalFairyCake they didn’t- initial booking was for the Easter hols- cancelled due to CV. Refund wasn’t offered as 3 alternate dates were offered, all of which mean the same time off school.
One of which was the first weekend back to school in Sept(!). Club agreed to the least disruptive basically.

Four of the team attend the same school and their school are quietly all for it

OP posts:
TrashPanda · 07/06/2021 08:35

I would 100% do the rearranged sporting event

Whinge · 07/06/2021 08:38

If the original booking was for Easter then I would be expecting a refund or for the club to reschedule to the next school holiday. The take up will be much lower, and i'm surprised more people haven't complained about the new date.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 08:41

@Whinge this was my thought. However most of the other parents seem ok with it. There’s only one I know of who is having the same thoughts as me. We would be the minority in requesting refund- meaning it’s likely only DS would miss out and the booking is per group

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 07/06/2021 08:42

If he is keen I would let him. Joy is important these days. (I do think it's crap they won't refund if going means missing school though!! Shock)

The3Ls · 07/06/2021 08:45

I have been in a similar position and prioritised fun and well being. I didn't know at the time my child's condition would turn out to be chronic. Doing well now but I am glad I did always priotise school as you can't do that forever. This was an older high school kid too

The3Ls · 07/06/2021 08:46

Didn't always that should say

AlmostSummer21 · 07/06/2021 08:51

If he's been that unwell should he be either at school or at the sporting thing? I'd be concerned about him getting Covid while he's still not 100%.

Covid aside, I'd let him go if you trust the club to moderate how much he does.

2days off school wouldn't worry me compared to his general wellness and mental wellness-especially as he's doing fine academically.

Hope he's much better soon!

Waspsarearseholes · 07/06/2021 08:51

They really ought to rearrange it for the summer holidays. Expecting children to miss two days of school for it is not on. However, I'd let my son go.

Geamhradh · 07/06/2021 08:52

He shouldn't be at either

singsingbluesilver · 07/06/2021 08:53

How many actual school days would he miss? If it's 2 or 3 then let him go. He needs to be doing fun things with his mates. Ask the school very nicely if they can let you have the work he will be missing and let your ds know that he can do the sport as long as he is prepared to do the catch up work at home.

A couple of missed days is hardly going to make a lot of difference, and it sounds as if being with his friends will do him the world of good.

Sirzy · 07/06/2021 08:54

If he is still struggling with fatigue then that would be the deciding factor to not go at all.