To ask opinions on this- school absence

[Partey]

Ds is Y5. On top of the obvious disruption to the school year he’s also suffered with an illness. One which had resulted in a fair amount of added time off. I’m not sure what his exact % is but it won’t be great.

Due to CV an event we were due to attend with his sports team has moved to another date meaning he will miss a Friday and Monday. Refund wasn’t an option and it’s £££.

Although most of the physical symptoms of the illness are gone, some fatigue is ongoing and his mental health has taken a bit of a battering. When he’s tired he’s very tearful, hard on himself etc.

Would you still go to the event? At the very least he could attend on the Friday but will miss one part of the weekend.

Obviously the school won’t authorize an absence but his medical history/notes will confirm the prior issues with illness(of which the school were very supportive and accommodating). On one hand I feel he’s missed so much schooling but on the others he’s still doing very well academically and is exceeding in all areas. I think the weekend will help hugely in terms of his moral but is this enough to justify the absence?

My mind changes every hour, any thoughts welcome

Sorry - just reread the OP. Two days - yes I'd let him miss two days.

If he wants to go, he goes, simple as that I think. If he finds it too much to go then cancel.

Let him go, it’s only 2 days of school. You’re overthinking it.

I hope he’s back to full health soon.

Definitely let him do it. Kids have had a crap year and your DS’s sounds worse than most. Mental health is very important. 100% he should go. Hope he has fun!

I don’t quite agree with the “it’s only two days” side of things though. If he is struggling with fatigue so much post illness then 4 days of activity/sport is likely to have a knock on for much longer.

Sadly part of living with something that causes fatigue is learning to pace yourself which four days of sport doesn’t necessarily allow for

I'd let him go. He's Y5.
My son had a really rough Y5- missed loads of school due to anxiety and depression, which led to school refusal. He's doing really well (academically) now in Y9. His hobby has really helped him build his confidence back up, which has had a positive impact on his mental health.
How would it impact on his mental health missing out? I doubt he'd take much in at school on the days he went if he knew he could be doing something he enjoyed more elsewhere.
Kids need an education, but they can't learn effectively with poor mental health.

Ds2 had a football tournament abroad in year 8 and missed the Friday and Monday. The school authorised them. It was a great experience.

At DC's school, if DS was competing at a sports event, at a high level, in a formal, organised event, scheduled during term time, they would absolutely authorise this, in fact they would encourage it. They frequently take kids out of school themselves for all day inter-schools athletics events for example. If it was a bit of a jolly, i.e. say his cancelled rugby tour was rescheduled for term time, they wouldn't be supportive of this. So really depends what the event is in my opinion.

Is it close enough to travel down after school on the Friday? These sort of activities are usually the Saturday and Sunday daytime with a presentation on the Sunday evening and travel back on the Monday

If he’s so physically ill and fatigued that he has missed days of school, maybe several days dedicated to sport is not a good idea. He might be too tired to enjoy the events and then this will have a knock on effect for the next week when he is at school.

Kids have 'time off' school all the time to attend sporting fixtures. In most schools, sports are very important and it'd be seen as part of the curriculum. Yours may not, but plenty of schools would authorise absence for sports related reasons. I'd let him go.

Fwiw, I've just taken my 13 year old out of school for a week's holiday, even though her attendance hasn't been great this year (she had massive issues with anxiety which have greatly improved recently).

So a 8/9yo child who is struggling with fatigue following illness isn't going to have downtime to recuperate for 12 days?
That's the part I think is unreasonable, not the time off school. The school year is shot to hell anyway, 2 days won't make a difference, but the second week of school is going to be exhausting for your kid, no?

@Hallyup6

Kids have 'time off' school all the time to attend sporting fixtures. In most schools, sports are very important and it'd be seen as part of the curriculum. Yours may not, but plenty of schools would authorise absence for sports related reasons. I'd let him go.

Fwiw, I've just taken my 13 year old out of school for a week's holiday, even though her attendance hasn't been great this year (she had massive issues with anxiety which have greatly improved recently).

This. My dd has dance exams and takes time off for these. They are considered part of her education. When she used to do another sport, she took the afternoon off a couple of times to travel down for an annual event.

@edwinbear

At DC's school, if DS was competing at a sports event, at a high level, in a formal, organised event, scheduled during term time, they would absolutely authorise this, in fact they would encourage it. They frequently take kids out of school themselves for all day inter-schools athletics events for example. If it was a bit of a jolly, i.e. say his cancelled rugby tour was rescheduled for term time, they wouldn't be supportive of this. So really depends what the event is in my opinion.

This would be my stance too - is it a formal competition that has been rescheduled or just a fun weekend away kind of thing?

If it is the former then I would have no issue letting your DS go, most schools would have no issue allowing this under the circumstances (it being a formal/recognised sporting event that has been rescheduled from a holiday time to term time due to Covid). However, if its just a "team building" type weekend away for DSs sports club then I would be far more reluctant to let him miss school, especially when his medical condition may mean that due to fatigue from the weekend he potentially might miss even more school.

I'm a teacher and I say let him go.

I don’t quite agree with the “it’s only two days” side of things though. If he is struggling with fatigue so much post illness then 4 days of activity/sport is likely to have a knock on for much longer.

Sadly part of living with something that causes fatigue is learning to pace yourself which four days of sport doesn’t necessarily allow for
I agree with Sirzy. There is every chance that a long weekend with his sporting team is exactly the sort of event that is likely to exacerbate existing fatigue, and make If more likely he has more time off school as he recovers from the event.

It’s entirely up to you, but be prepared for school to fine you. If he hadn’t had so much extra time off for illness, I think they would be less inclined to fine, but as he’s been off so much with fatigue and you’re taking him to a 4 day sporting event school will be less likely to be so flexible.
As a parent and a teacher, I’d be more likely to just go for the weekend instead of the 4 days. As others have said, taking part in a 4 day sporting event if you’re suffering from an illness that causes fatigue doesn’t sound like a great idea and could result in even more time off school.

Go.let him enjoy it.he has years of education ahead of him.

Just to confirm he’s (atm) 100% able to attend school. He’s also played games with his game time managed carefully by me and his coaches. Break times and PE at school have been gradually increased as well. He’s had glandular fever. We suspect since October time. Not diagnosed until March. His bloods were taken fortnightly and was given ok by GP to resume sport once she was happy with the results.

In terms of fatigue it’s more going to bed earlier and waking later. Over Christmas time and through the lockdown we suspected it was his mental health affecting him physically until the diagnosis where we no suspect the GF has basically had him running on empty a lot of the time

In polite response to the PP who suggested asking your son's teacher for the work he will be missing - please don't do this. It creates more work for the teacher. It drives me a bit mad when parents take their children out of school then expect us to put a learning pack together for them. If you're taking them out of school you accept that they are missing school

Personally I think it’s way too soon then, he is still recovering from glandular fever. Can you take him up for the day to cheer his team mates instead? If he is still at the point of building up activity then 4 days away at a sporting event sounds like it would be a massive jump

If he's genuinely up to the four days, then ask the school - it sounds as if another school are authorising the absence, so you could mention that.
It sounds as if academically it's not going to be a problem.
I suspect that you do need to be very careful about him pacing himself - it's not just the physical activity, but the fact that he won't have a weekend off.

I wouldn’t attend the event personally. If he’s been too il to go to school then how is he well enough to play sport?

What does he want to do?
Will you / his dad be there?

That would be decider for me - his choice and your support .

(I think the two days off school is a bit of a red herring - although I think it’s not on that such an event is held in term time I also see that it could be good for children too)

Also - does your DS know that he can ( if he goes ) stand down from the sport if he doesn’t feel up to it over the 4 days?. The reason I ask is that it sounds very intense - and whilst day 1 or 2 might be ok - how will he feel on days 3 and 4? Will he be expected to ‘perform ‘ and then set himself back - also will he feel he HAS to do it ( team and peer pressure etc). I’d be asking what he wants and also reassuring he can leave / come gone / sit out at any time.

@Partey

Just to confirm he’s (atm) 100% able to attend school. He’s also played games with his game time managed carefully by me and his coaches. Break times and PE at school have been gradually increased as well. He’s had glandular fever. We suspect since October time. Not diagnosed until March. His bloods were taken fortnightly and was given ok by GP to resume sport once she was happy with the results.

In terms of fatigue it’s more going to bed earlier and waking later. Over Christmas time and through the lockdown we suspected it was his mental health affecting him physically until the diagnosis where we no suspect the GF has basically had him running on empty a lot of the time

From personal experience, I had a virus that left me with fatigue, just mild at first and as if I was “running on empty”. No-one told me to rest, my parents and GP etc told me to push through it, which I did for years and now 15 years on the fatigue is worse than at the start (plus other things).