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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask opinions on this- school absence

71 replies

Partey · 07/06/2021 08:18

Ds is Y5. On top of the obvious disruption to the school year he’s also suffered with an illness. One which had resulted in a fair amount of added time off. I’m not sure what his exact % is but it won’t be great.

Due to CV an event we were due to attend with his sports team has moved to another date meaning he will miss a Friday and Monday. Refund wasn’t an option and it’s £££.

Although most of the physical symptoms of the illness are gone, some fatigue is ongoing and his mental health has taken a bit of a battering. When he’s tired he’s very tearful, hard on himself etc.

Would you still go to the event? At the very least he could attend on the Friday but will miss one part of the weekend.

Obviously the school won’t authorize an absence but his medical history/notes will confirm the prior issues with illness(of which the school were very supportive and accommodating). On one hand I feel he’s missed so much schooling but on the others he’s still doing very well academically and is exceeding in all areas. I think the weekend will help hugely in terms of his moral but is this enough to justify the absence?

My mind changes every hour, any thoughts welcome

OP posts:
LunaAndHer3Stars · 07/06/2021 11:04

@Whinge

The ongoing fatigue would worry me. If it affects how he is able to play the sport and he doesn't perform to his usual standard he may be even harder on himself. Also pushing himself when not fully recovered could lead to more time off school.
Mental health is so important, but I'd be worried about the above. And also that it could set his recovery back a lot. Overdoing when your body is still in recovery from a significant illness isn't usually a good idea.
LunaAndHer3Stars · 07/06/2021 11:09

Just seen other posts. I wouldn't be pushing through at all post glandular fever. It can trigger other very serious long term conditions in the body. I'm still fighting the chronic illness it triggered 2.5 decades later.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/06/2021 11:22

A sports team for children should not be rearranging something during school term dates! That's weird, they should not be forcing you to choose the sport or school.

Honestly I wouldn't go, it sets a terrible precedent that these sorts of teams and clubs can get away with booking things in term time.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/06/2021 11:23

Also yy to what people have said about not overdoing it post glandular fever. It's a really serious illness.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 12:13

@Pinkylemons he’s not been absent from school since April

OP posts:
Rillington · 07/06/2021 12:15

School should take priority over a sporting event.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 12:19

Thank you for your thoughts everyone- no one has said any different to the thoughts whizzing through my own head.

The event was originally last summer- cancelled due to Covid then rearranged to Easter. I’m fairly sure the T’s and C’s state it was non refundable, it’s something this particular club have done for several years but DS only joined in Sept.

And just to confirm, we really haven’t taken the GF lightly. The GP has been brilliant, we’ve taken her advice every step of the way. I know when he’s not up to it and although ds would absolutely push through it I’ve been strict as have his coaches in terms of gradually increasing exercise. He’s very fit, and has had to learn to adapt through the GF.

Bloody awful illness and and long term health is absolutely the priority

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2021 13:49

If the sporting event will allow him to take part/rest when he wants to and there will be no pressure to push himself... then yes I'd let him do that.

If he will HAVE to take part in everything the whole 4 days and there will be pressure to push himself and not rest.. then no.

LuaDipa · 07/06/2021 14:44

I would let him go. School is important but kids have missed so much this year, and your ds even more so if he has been ill.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 18:20

@WiddlinDiddlin absolutely no pressure- it’s my call. Tbh it’s probably the social side of things he needs most. I think the time off school has damaged that more than anything

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/06/2021 18:34

Even 4 days of constant socialising and feeling the need to keep up may be exhausting for him sadly. Glandular fever really is horrible

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 07/06/2021 18:53

They could authorise the absence. It gets coded P (for approved sporting activity).

I'd authorise it if you were one of my lot. There's been so little sport in the last year that it's good to support those who are trying to get back to the condition they were before Covid (or any other medical issue).

gingerbiscuits · 07/06/2021 19:05

@WiddlinDiddlin

If the sporting event will allow him to take part/rest when he wants to and there will be no pressure to push himself... then yes I'd let him do that.

If he will HAVE to take part in everything the whole 4 days and there will be pressure to push himself and not rest.. then no.

This! ⬆️

I'd definitely prioritise mental health & happiness over 2 days at school for a child who's at the academic level he needs to be at, as long as it's not at the expense of his physical health.

Original poster
Partey · 07/06/2021 20:20

@Sirzy no pressure at all- there’ll be lots of downtime which I will absolutely enforce. I may email the school- I’ve had lots of chats with their in house welfare officer due to the GF

OP posts:
IntoAir · 08/06/2021 08:28

Never let you’re child’s schooling get in the way of his education and learning.

It’s not as if it’s a “day off” for something frivolous like a holiday or a day out to a theme park.

Original poster
Partey · 08/06/2021 14:28

@IntoAir could you clarify please? I don’t follow

OP posts:
IntoAir · 08/06/2021 16:35

Well, there's a different between school, and "going to school" and real learning. Sometimes the latter (education & learning) happens at school; sometimes education & learning happen elsewhere.

It seems you & your son value his other activity for the education & learning he gets from it. Let him attend! 2 days of school won't matter much in the broad scheme of things, and it sounds as though he gets a lot from his sport.

Moonface123 · 08/06/2021 16:47

I would let him go.
I am so relieved both of mine have finished school now, so much more freedom as to what we do and when we do it.

CrumbsThatsQuick · 08/06/2021 16:51

It's an easy one for me, definitely go. And take it easy whilst there. In a years' time, will you regret missing 2 days of school or this club trip? I think the answer is obvious.

Original poster
Partey · 08/06/2021 21:23

Thanks @IntoAir got you now. He lives for it basically. Whilst he’s doing well academically and enjoying it then I’ll go with that. He just dropped his toast(growth spurt late night snackBlush) and he’s so upset. His resilience has taken such a knock- I suspect covid and GF are both jointly to blame.

I’m swaying towards going- and being honest with the school as to my reasons.

Honestly after the year everyone’s had- more so ds- I’m thinking balls to it!

OP posts:
Atalantea · 08/06/2021 21:29

[quote Partey]@TropicalFairyCake they didn’t- initial booking was for the Easter hols- cancelled due to CV. Refund wasn’t offered as 3 alternate dates were offered, all of which mean the same time off school.
One of which was the first weekend back to school in Sept(!). Club agreed to the least disruptive basically.

Four of the team attend the same school and their school are quietly all for it[/quote]
If they have moved it and you can't go due to school they should give you a refund

Even if they don't, you won't get the money back if you go or don't go so ...

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