First of all, I know I'm being completely U. I'm not expecting advice, I just need to vent somewhere because this is how I'm feeling and I can't help it. I have no ill feelings toward's my brother or his fiancee themselves, she is absolutely lovely and I would never be funny with them in real life.
I'm 23, and have never had a long term relationship. The odd flings, but nothing ever lasted. It saddens me as I'd love to just settle down. I'm saving up for my own property but haven't got a cat in hell's chance without a partner. I'd love to get married and have children. I have endometriosis and while it doesn't mean I can't have kids, there's a pretty decent chance I will struggle. It terrifies me. I've always just been drawn to the 'white picket fence' life and I'd be gutted if I could never find a partner and/or struggled to have children. I've always been very close to my mum, I literally tell her everything. I have friends but she is absolutely my best friend.
My brother is 25 and his girlfriend is the same age as me. They have been together 4 years and seem to have it all. She got help from her parents for a deposit, and they have a gorgeous little house. They recently got engaged and are planning a big white wedding once Covid has properly been sorted. Their son is 4 months old. I've always thought "lucky them" a bit, with their stable relationship and the house. But it never really affected me. But the pregnancy announcement gutted me. I remember seeing the text in the family groupchat and sending a lovely excited text back, and then crying my eyes out. That is what I wanted for me. I remember being relived that Covid was a thing because I was able to have my reaction to the news privately. I just felt horrendously jealous whenever I saw a scan picture etc. I wanted (and still want) their life.
Something that I've really struggled with though, is the new closeness between my brother's fiancee and my mum. My mum was so excited during the pregnancy about her perfect first grandchild. Going on to my brother's girlfriend how much she loved her and how she was properly part of the family now etc. It got worse after my nephew was born. I adore my nephew and have loved when I've been invited round for a cuddle but it's the family dynamic that seems to bother me. It seems to be my mum's relationship with my brother's fiancee which is the trigger specifically. As when I've been invited round to see the baby and just my brother and his fiancee are there, I'm fine and just enjoy spending time with them and the baby.
We all live within a fairly small vicinity of each other and a few times I've seen my mum and my brother's fiancee out with the pram. We all went round a few days after baby was born and my mum was all over the baby and fussing over my brother's fiancee, and I was so envious because I'd imagined all of this with me. My mum being adoring of my future baby, us out on walks with the pram together etc. And I know I may have that in the future, but I feel like there is something extra special about the first grandchild and I feel like my sister's fiancee has stolen it from me. I know that's completely irrational because nobody has 'the right' to have the first grandchild, but I still feel those emotions. I feel so guilty for it because my brother's fiancee really is lovely but I'm just so bitter. My mum has even started referring to my brother's fiancee as her daughter since the baby which doesn't help. I'm her daughter. My brother's fiancee has her own mum who is also adoring of her baby and makes a fuss over her. My parent's aren't together and my dad lives 200 miles away but he'll be coming up soon to see the baby and I think that will also upset me.
I just keep telling myself that yes, the first grandchild is extra special. But there is also something extra special about when your own daughter specifically has a baby and that that is something I'll get with my mum. But then I start thinking about how I've never had a partner and my endometriosis and just become convinced I'll end up a bitter old hag watching my brother's fiancee live out the life I wanted, and me fading into irrelevancy in my mum's eyes. I feel so horrible. I have visions of my mum going "Oh yeah, my daughter is infertile/never found somebody to have kids with but it's okay because I have my daughter in law!" and it really breaks my heart.
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AIBU?
To be so jealous of my brother's fiancee?
124 replies
mittenwalker · 06/06/2021 19:46
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