Please help

[Applequeen24]

At what age do you start telling the kids that to wash your hands is very important, especially when there is a new baby about?
The thing is my partner has his daughter every other weekend coming around. I have just had a baby and I mentioned that she needs to wash her hands, especially with COVID around. My partner called me a bitch in from of the child for saying that. I have to mention that she has very long and dirty nails as well and when I mentioned that they need cutting I was told off because she is very tactile. Today again I have set him off because he used my hairbrush to brush her hair without asking for my permission even though his mum mentioned she thinks she had lice. Also, she doesn’t flush the toilet after using it nor does she washes her hands.
Every single time I mention something like this I get told off and made to feel like a bitch.

What age is the child?

How old is she?

You don't sound like you like her very much tbh

Yanbu that's really poor parenting on both his and his exes part, she should have been taught to flush the toilet and wash her hands as soon as she came out of nappies. Definitely sounds like she needs her nails cutting and scrubbing too.

LTB.

I can't imagine he will treat you any better when it comes to raising your baby together. Leave now to limit how bad it gets.
What a nasty, nasty man.
I am a childcare professional and the children I have looked after have washed their hands from about 18 months

Poor kid. Why didn’t the headlice get treated? Could you cut the nails and maybe paint them to tempt her?

I feel sorry for the child. If you think she has lice is her dad treating them? Has he looked?

She is almost 8. And we get along just fine. I did cut her nails myself before in the past but I can’t do it anymore.

Is washing hands not one of the most basic things to teach from a young age? Wash your hands before eating, after going to the toilet etc. Certainly from mine were toddlers/potty training we taught regular hand washing prior to that we washed their hands before eating.

Poor kids - his child and your baby.

And no, he said is just a bad case of dandruff 😑

It sounds like your step daughter is being slightly neglected if she has untreated lice and is generally just a bit dirty and unkempt. Does your partner have any concerns about her care? It doesn’t sound like she’s being properly looked after.

Separately, it is absolutely unacceptable for your partner to call you a bitch - no excuse of any kind. What’s he like normally? Is this the way he usually behaves towards you?

If I tell him then he makes me feel like shit. I am sorry but I will put my child first. And I don’t want to tell others how to parent they kids if that makes sense

@dementedpixie

You don't sound like you like her very much tbh

@dementedpixie How the hell did you get that from the post?

OP he sounds like a nasty man and piss poor parenting. It’s normal to encourage children to flush loo, wash hands (especially around new baby), not sharing hairbrushes when someone has suspected head lice...obviously we’ve only heard your view but in itself there’s nothing wrong with saying any of this. Given he called you a bitch for it, and in front of his child, pretty convinced he’s the arsehole here.

Keeping clean is a basic life skill, you are not being a bitch encouraging her to wash her hands, you are teaching her basic things she will need throughout her life.
In my eyes a child that has not been taught to wash their hands & has long dirty fingernails is not being looked after properly

User27392 He’s been weird and we’ve had ups and downs but now the relationship seems to have worsened even more.
We argue about everything almost. I know it’s tiredness with the new baby and all but for some things there is just no excuse. Dunno

Given he called you a bitch for it, and in front of his child, pretty convinced he’s the arsehole here.

Agree.

He has issues with his ex as well. He will moan to me that his daughter is being a spoiled brat and all that but he won’t talk to her about any of these things.

I think you have a decision to make OP. Are you happy for your child to grow up hearing their dad call you a bitch (and probably worse?)

I really feel sorry for his daughter. I really hope someone has checked her for lice and treated her if needed. That's neglect. Sounds like no one is teaching her basic skills.

He called you a bitch for telling a young child to wash her hands? That’s appalling.

Have you got other children, OP? Perhaps you can involve her with hand washing there?

Your DP was a dick.

If he's calling you a bitch in front of his DD, he doesn't have any respect for you or her. Do you really want to live like this?

Sorry by ‘involve her’, I mean encourage her to be a role model to her younger (half) siblings

Just read your update saying that you're also arguing over everything. Do you have an escape plan in case things get worse?