Hi. I’ve been up all night trying to decide whether it’s worth replying, what would I gain and do I really care what a bunch of strangers I’ll never meet online think of me.
My point is there are two sides to every story on here and maybe take that into account before giving out advice.
Then I’ve delved around the rest of the forums looking at what people are writing, accounts of their lives, what they’ve been doing and whether I’ll advised or not I’ve decided that I will respond. Not to engage in argument, and certainly not to take people’s abuse because they have a certain viewpoint.
So I am the partner that OP has written about. I’m the one who is now sat in an empty house because she has fled to a women’s refuge or family or god knows where. Actually, I really hope it IS her family and I hope she is being cared for there. The same family that I have continuously encouraged her to engage with over the last few years as there is a rift, or WAS a rift hopefully. Hardly the actions of an amoeba or a dick.
Am I going to paint myself as some sort of Saint though? Certainly not, there are many flaws that I have. Some things are my fault, some things are not my fault. As there are two sides to every tale on here. And probably when people come on here to moan about abusive partners, useless partners, or just in general I’m sure that in most cases it is absolutely justified. But please remember there are always two sides to every story on here when doling out advice, especially when someone leads with the fact that they may be suffering from pnd as well.
So yes, my daughter has issues with having her fingernails cut. You attempt to do them and she tries to escape your grasp every time. And yes because those nails are long, of course there is dirt embedded in them…this is definitely not representative of her hand washing routine however.
Of course I make her, as does op, wash her hands. She is 7. Of course when she’s been to the toilet and comes downstairs I ask her if she’s washed her hands and flushed the toilet. She’s SEVEN!! I’m sure there’s lots of kids out there that try to avoid washing their hands etc after going toilet, and by the law of averages I’m sure once or twice she has been able to get away with not doing so if we have been too distracted to ask/remind. But yes my daughter DOES have some sort of tactile issue or something. She has to have seamless socks and tights otherwise she will have a meltdown because she can feel the stitching. She is probably somewhere slightly on the autism scale or something I don’t know, but then it’s a scale and we all have quirks that would put us on there. But it’s not an excuse. The thing I have continuously stated is that it cannot be attacked head on. I can’t just say let’s cut your nails, because straight away my daughter is scared and defensive.
But anyway, as another person on here stated…there is surely a deeper issue reading the op’s post rather than the fingernails. My behaviour etc.
Well yes to my shame, I lost the plot and called OP a bitch and told her to get away! Yes this was after she mentioned about the nails. However there is another side to this tale too. Did the OP mention the tone and the venom that she shouted this in whilst in front of her? Well see exaggeration is easy to do online, please remember that! ALMOST shouted this in I mean? Did she mention that this 7 year old was completely shocked, looked scared (and is now scared of op) about being spoken about by an adult? So yes I lost the plot completely called her a bitch and told her to get away because my daughter was absolutely shocked and scared. Now it would have been much better, especially aa my daughter was present, to not swear and be all calm. But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be the first person to lose the plot when their child has been scared. Not an excuse, but just the other side of what happened. Maybe I’ve even unconsciously remembered it more than it was, but even so somewhere between the two tales would be a middle truth I guess. Don’t know, I’m babbling.
And yes she was supposed to have had head lice about a month or two ago. She also suffers from cradle cap hence the “dandruff” comment. But I had given my daughter a bath, found out that she hadn’t packed her brush and I just used op’s brush. Probably I should have asked, but it’s a 7 year old and I didn’t think it would be a major issue.
The OP has lain every single blame at my feet. Not mentioning that before she left she was going absolutely mental, running around and screaming that my daughter can not use any of HER towels and she should have brought her home. Not mentioning that my picking up our screaming newborn, whilst op was busy, from a cot constituted me taking over and pulling him out of op’s hands. Not mentioning that after an argument whilst I was holding our baby she attacked me by punching and kicking me. Not mentioning the amount of times I’ve tried to cajole her into getting proper help for pnd because I’m not a professional and she needs more than just my support.
That yes when the op is trying to talk about our relationship I freeze and get lost and don’t know what to say. I was previously years ago in an unhealthy abusive relationship. Not an excuse for not talking, but it is what it is.
I’m not a saint, far from it. I make the same mistakes as any of you…but on the whole I’m a reasonably balanced person.
Like I said, the upside from this is that I really hope she is staying with family and I really hope she is getting professional help.
And maybe it sounds like I’m trying to get back at OP, I’m not. I would much rather she was at home where…well because of me we couldn’t talk about it ☹️
But I just hope that people remember before giving out advice that it’s easy for any poster to exaggerate on here and that there is usually another side to every story.