Am I overthinking or doesn't he care?

[CabinCrew]

Last week I became really unwell with the flu, had to leave work as I had got all dizzy and lightheaded and sweaty, then got home and slept. Had a high temperature, couldn't sleep all night from the pain in my ears and throat and was figiting and moaning all night between bouts of sleep and cold sweats. The following day my husband come home from work and I asked him if he could get me some ibuprofen, he said we didn't have any and said he would go back out (he had just done a food shop on his way home), I said I didn't want to put him out so he didn't go. Later on I was moaning in pain and he shouted what can he do to help, as if I was annoying him (probably was, I was annoying myself but I couldn't help it was in agony) I said I needed something stronger for the pain and he started an argument with me saying why didn't I tell him earlier etc etc. He came back and apologise whilst I lay crying from the pain and the inconvenience I had caused him...

When I got better I mentioned that it really hurt me how he reacted,. I feel like he doesn't care about me. He went into a supermarket and didn't once think I may need something for my illness - for me that would be second nature, my first priority. He told me I was overthinking again.

Just to add we've had this same arguement in the past, he does things without a passing thought of my thoughts or feelings to the matter, I stopped mentioning it and just accepted it but when I needed someone to care for and look after me it really hurt and genuinely believe he does not care for me.

Aibu to think this?

He is lacking empathy. Not sure that can be cured

Why did you tell him not to go out for medicine?

So, he offered to get some ibuprofen and you told him not to bother? Why?
He does sound rather thoughtless though.

To be honest I would be annoyed if I had offered to go get you some ibuprofen and you refused and then later on asked me to go get some. However I wouldn't be an asshole and make you feel bad about it.

Agree with PP. He offered, instantly, to go back out to get you painkillers, and you told him not to! If you did that it suggests you weren't in too much pain so i can imagine it seeming quite dramatic and exaggerated that you later were moaning in pain, a bit histrionic and am-dram.

I think you're definitely making too much of this.

Why didn't you just TELL him what you needed when he was doing the weekly shop?

He offered to go and get you some?

Why don’t you have regular painkillers in the house all the time for emergencies? I’m always surprised people don’t have some sort of first aid / medical box but anyway….

I think he just sounds irritated but he’s human. He probably thought he didn’t need to go out again when you’d already told him you didn’t want anything.

Why didn’t you tell him what you needed in your big shop? You knew better than he did. Why did you then say no when he offered to go back?

You didn’t help yourself here.

He isn't a mind-reading, when he was initially in the supermarket how was he supposed to know you didnt have all the painkillers you need? As soon as he realised, he offered to go back. You refused (why???) - that's on you.

You then left it - without telling him you were still in pain - until you were in so much pain you were crying. He heard you and checked you were ok, expressed his frustration that you had left it, then went and got you painkillers, and came back and apologised for expressing his (understandable) frustration.

I'm not clear what he did wrong here? It sounds like you were being a martyr to be honest.

Your husband didn’t know you needed anything when he was on his way back from work, he probably assumed you had shaken it off a bit (which with most things we do) or if you wanted anything you would have messaged him to ask. He anyway immediately offered to go out and you said no. If you want to act like a martyr you really need to keep it up to the end and not start moaning about it afterwards.

It was a day of feeling a bit rubbish, it happens to us all, why you needed to drag it up again I do not know.

It all sounds a bit dramatic, crying in pain. To be honest if my partner was ill and I offered to get him some tablets and he says no, and then proceeded to cry in pain and later ask me to go out I wouldn't be too happy either. Just make sure you always have tablets for occasions like this then all this angst can be avoided.

I hate the martyrdom by some posters on here. You needed ibuprofen, proffered to go out and get them just say thank you yes please! Don't say no because he somehow should have known there weren't any when he was at the shops. Yabu.

He offered to go back out for the painkillers and you told him not to…the you have dramatics about pain…really???

Crying in pain and for inconveniencing him
Are you always a drama queen?
I’d have went out and stayed out if I was him 🤣

You are coming across as a martyr to be honest.

He offered to go and get ibuprofen. You told him not to bother. Now he is in the wrong?

I think there's fault on both sides. For your part you need to be a bit more straight forward. If you're in that much pain then just ask him directly to go get you a pain killer. Don't expect him to guess or tell him not to bother. For his part he could dredge up bit of sympathy when you're feeling rotten.

If I was going to guess there seems to be a dynamic where you are perhaps a bit dramatic hoping to get a bit of sympathy out of DH and he finds it a bit OTT and then goes the other way and acts even less sympathetically which leads you to ramp it up even more.

He offered. You said no. Moaning in pain too?! Sounds like you were frustrated at him and this is an excuse

He offered to get pain relief you said no, now you’re expecting him to read your mind.

Just to say I didn't initially say no, I didn't want to put him out as he was asking me angrily as if you have already been an issue.

He didn't tell me he was going to do a big shop I didn't know until he got home.

And no I'm not always a drama queen, I don't like to put him out and wanted to try and cope if I could. I had an ear and throat infection so it was painful.

But thank you for all your responses.

You're a grown up. You need to have stocks of stuff in. And even if you're I'll you need to think you might need some. He did a full shop and made sure you guys had stuff to eat. You're being a martyr.

Drop it, and stop feeling so badly done to. You sound determined to cause an argument. Hope you are feeling better now. I think we are seeing all the colds and flu which we didn't get in lockdown.

Are you sure it's just the flu? Constantly moaning in pain, crying and being in agony isn't regular flu type illness, have you seen a doctor?

Cross-post, just saw you have an ear and throat infection. Hope you feel better.

I think my point was that, switching roles. I would have gone to the shop with my main priority to get anything he may have needed whilst he was ill. I would have also come back and been with him not sat on my phone as he did.
For the poster that questioned why I don't have regular pain killers in the house, I have paracetamol. I avoid ibuprofen because of its effects on the stomach as a nurse I've had way too many bleeding stomach ulcer patients to bother with it. Until this particular time when the pain outweighed the risk.