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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be trying to find a way to stop Dd getting sh*tfaced?

68 replies

Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:04

Just that. Dd 19, has a really bad experience at the end of last year, she was very drunk and her behaviour was very bad, being abusive, had to be escorted to meet DH etc.

Obviously, she hasn't had the opportunity to go out much over the last year but when she has, has come in drunk but happy, have reminded her getting off her face not acceptable. Shes come home tonight, paralytic, crying. So worried that shebis going to come to harm, off to uni after the summer.

Any advice?

OP posts:
toffeebutterpopcorn · 05/06/2021 22:06

So she came home tonight, ratted and crying?

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 05/06/2021 22:07

She's an adult, 19yos get drunk, she has been fine multiple times Vs one admittedly worrying incident of bad behaviour.

It's her body and her life and she has to find her own limits. If she's living in your home then she shouldn't be waking you up, puking on your stuff etc and you have a right to set boundaries where her behaviour impinges on you. But it's not up to you what she puts in her body.

TheGumption · 05/06/2021 22:07

Yanbu to be worried. You might find though that when she goes to uni her friends/housemates will soon get absolutely sick of it and she'll stop drinking to the point that she shows herself up.

AGoatsbawhairaway · 05/06/2021 22:08

There's not a lot you can do really. She has to learn her own lessons unfortunately. Hopefully the hangover tomorrow will help towards that

LemonRoses · 05/06/2021 22:11

I wouldn’t put money on university stopping it. It just means they are further removed and you don’t know what they are up to. Young people can drink inordinate amounts occasionally . They grow out of it.

Original poster
Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:12

So would be confiscating her car for a few days too much? Apart from the worry, which little sibs pick up on and picking her up, doesnt impact us.

OP posts:
toffeebutterpopcorn · 05/06/2021 22:12

I still remember when I was a teenager having the mother and father of all hangovers and mum draining tins of pineapple chunks because I was absolutely dying, and really really really wanted pineapple juice (muuuuuuummmmm have we any ‘napple joooooseeeeee?).

She announced that poor me obviously had food poisoning and fluffed over me as I was laid out like the death of nelson in the living room.

It wasn’t the first or the last time I drank too much. Each time ‘never again’. So many of us do.

She will be fine. A gentle reminder when she feels better that maybe she should not mix drinks, or eat before she goes out (plus the usual advice of don’t leave a drink unattended, be wary of people trying to ply you, stick with your mates).

Hankunamatata · 05/06/2021 22:12

I stayed at home for uni. Many a night dad retrieved me from the city as too sick to get on train home. Mum used to chuck me a blanket and pillow and leave me in the bathroom. No judgement. They just had a giggle at state of me.in the morning. They let me get on with it. I learned my lessons

Hankunamatata · 05/06/2021 22:13

No you cant take her car.

Hankunamatata · 05/06/2021 22:14

Be glad she came home to a safe place. Better than worrying about coming home and going off with some stranger to stay at his/hers

JustCallMeJulia · 05/06/2021 22:14

At 19, although scary for the parents this can be a phase that teens go through. Testing limits.
Certainly was amongst my group of mates. Someone often had to go to a&e with alcohol poisoning. We spent a lot of money on booze or stole it from parents wine cellars.

First year of Uni was a bit of a turning point. I think it often is. When you continue going that way but then realise you're the only one taking care of you so you might as well not get quite so pissed.

Think I came to my senses when I had to clean my own sick up in the halls, while feeling bloody awful the next day. And flat mates were pissed off. My best friend calmed her drinking down after falling asleep in a club and got locked in till noon next day.

There's nothing you can do or say that will help.

Original poster
Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:15

Im just so worried for her

OP posts:
Slimmingstar · 05/06/2021 22:15

She’s 19! You could throw her out, but you can’t really punish her!

Original poster
Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:16

@JustCallMeJulia

At 19, although scary for the parents this can be a phase that teens go through. Testing limits. Certainly was amongst my group of mates. Someone often had to go to a&e with alcohol poisoning. We spent a lot of money on booze or stole it from parents wine cellars.

First year of Uni was a bit of a turning point. I think it often is. When you continue going that way but then realise you're the only one taking care of you so you might as well not get quite so pissed.

Think I came to my senses when I had to clean my own sick up in the halls, while feeling bloody awful the next day. And flat mates were pissed off. My best friend calmed her drinking down after falling asleep in a club and got locked in till noon next day.

There's nothing you can do or say that will help.

Bloody hope so
OP posts:
Faranth · 05/06/2021 22:16

There's no point punishing her, all that means is next time she gets too drunk, her drunk logic will be 'if I don't go home they won't know and I won't get in trouble'

So then she'll be drunk and in some random place, with some random person. I'd rather her be home and safe.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/06/2021 22:17

The only way confiscating her car would be in any way ansensible suggestion is if she drove it drunk tonight.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 05/06/2021 22:18

So would be confiscating her car for a few days too much?

...Um, yes, massively. You can't control an adult like that. It's not advisable even with a child.

What specifically are you worried about?

Twofurrycats · 05/06/2021 22:19

I don't think confiscation of a 19 year olds car is appropriate. Unless it's your car that she uses. But I'd not be letting her drive in the morning if she's had a skinfull.

pilates · 05/06/2021 22:19

Paralytic and happy not great but kind of expected when you’re young

But why was she crying? What happened?

Eachpeachpears · 05/06/2021 22:19

@Grayhairworry

So would be confiscating her car for a few days too much? Apart from the worry, which little sibs pick up on and picking her up, doesnt impact us.
Yes, too much. She's an adult. She's not the first, nor will she be the last, to get drunk
Halliabaloo · 05/06/2021 22:19

You can take her car keys if she goes to drive while still under the influence, but generally 19 is too old for discipline.

Original poster
Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:21

Why is this young adult business so hard?Sad

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 05/06/2021 22:21

@Grayhairworry

So would be confiscating her car for a few days too much? Apart from the worry, which little sibs pick up on and picking her up, doesnt impact us.
Confiscate the car of an adult?? Confused

I get that you're worried but good grief!

Original poster
Grayhairworry · 05/06/2021 22:21

@pilates

Paralytic and happy not great but kind of expected when you’re young

But why was she crying? What happened?

Couldnt make out why?!?
OP posts:
Concestor · 05/06/2021 22:22

@pilates

Paralytic and happy not great but kind of expected when you’re young

But why was she crying? What happened?

I get really maudlin and upset when I drink too much. Alcohol affects some people like that.
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