To be trying to find a way to stop Dd getting sh*tfaced?

[Grayhairworry]

Just that. Dd 19, has a really bad experience at the end of last year, she was very drunk and her behaviour was very bad, being abusive, had to be escorted to meet DH etc.

Obviously, she hasn't had the opportunity to go out much over the last year but when she has, has come in drunk but happy, have reminded her getting off her face not acceptable. Shes come home tonight, paralytic, crying. So worried that shebis going to come to harm, off to uni after the summer.

Any advice?

The great thing about them going off to uni is that you don't know what they are up to...so can't worry!

Much worse when they are at home and you are therefore aware.

Being abusive isn’t really ok though. I think you need to talk to her about that. Not now, but later. Being drunk isn’t an excuse.

If I had been grounded or had my car confiscated every time I was pissed as a teenager I probably still wouldn’t have my car back now 😂

My parents made fun of me when it happened and sent my younger sisters in to wake me up at 7am but always looked after me. I knew I could call them whenever I needed them. One occasion I got really drunk and ended up in a guys house I didn’t want to be in. Called my dad, no questions asked he came for me and took me home.

If they had been judgemental about it I likely wouldn’t have called them that night and who knows what would have happened to me. I didn’t actually know where I was - I had to describe what was around me and he worked it out. So bloody stupid of me.

My only rule was to tell them when I would be home. And stick to it or tell them if I was coming home later. They knew I was getting pissed and just wanted me home at the end of the night. And I will say I was younger than 19.

Definitely don't go down the 'confiscating her car' route. I'd only take her keys off her if she attempted to drive in the morning (or tonight obviously) .

You posted just after 10, where has she been that she's shitfaced by 10pm?

I'd talk to her tomorrow, see if it was just daft drunk tears or if there's anything up

I'd tell her that her Dad or I were always happy to come & get her, no matter what, but that she needs to think about how vulnerable she's making herself beforehand.

Then leave it. Wait & see what happens. See if it's just learning to find her level or if she has a problem with alcohol.

The last thing you want to do is come over all finger wagging, she'll just put herself in more danger.

This was me - I used to become either aggressive, sad or happy when drunk. Couldn't figure out any rhyme or reason for it, for instance sometimes if I drank when I was happy I would just become a happy drunk whereas other times if I drank when I was happy I would become an aggressive drunk. Sometimes if I drank on an empty stomach I would become a sad drunk, other times I drank on an empty stomach I would become a happy drunk. There was just no rhyme or reason at all for it.

And still to this day, coming 30, I still struggle with my emotions when drinking, although certainly not as much now. I put my parents through a lot of shit back in the day, which included drink driving, being arrested on 4 separate occasions and attempting suicide. All these events occurred whilst black out drunk. In everyday life I was a happy, normal, healthy woman who held down a job and had good relationships. I just turned into the devil with alcohol, I don't know if it's an allergy or just not knowing limits.

I'm now almost 30 and don't drink as much and when I do drink it's mostly in front of the tv and I just get tired, if out with friends I just crave my bed, proper boring now. There will be times where I feel my mood changing when with friends drinking but I am aware enough now to leave and get myself home to bed before I act on my impulse.

There was nothing my parents could have done to help, trust me they tried, I just had to learn on my own the hard way. It would have been much easier for me if I'd of stopped as soon as it became obvious me and alcohol don't mix well but at 19, that's easier said than done. Sorry don't have any proper advice but just wanted to share my experience.

@hatewaitingonuniresults

This was me - I used to become either aggressive, sad or happy when drunk. Couldn't figure out any rhyme or reason for it, for instance sometimes if I drank when I was happy I would just become a happy drunk whereas other times if I drank when I was happy I would become an aggressive drunk. Sometimes if I drank on an empty stomach I would become a sad drunk, other times I drank on an empty stomach I would become a happy drunk. There was just no rhyme or reason at all for it.

And still to this day, coming 30, I still struggle with my emotions when drinking, although certainly not as much now. I put my parents through a lot of shit back in the day, which included drink driving, being arrested on 4 separate occasions and attempting suicide. All these events occurred whilst black out drunk. In everyday life I was a happy, normal, healthy woman who held down a job and had good relationships. I just turned into the devil with alcohol, I don't know if it's an allergy or just not knowing limits.

I'm now almost 30 and don't drink as much and when I do drink it's mostly in front of the tv and I just get tired, if out with friends I just crave my bed, proper boring now. There will be times where I feel my mood changing when with friends drinking but I am aware enough now to leave and get myself home to bed before I act on my impulse.

There was nothing my parents could have done to help, trust me they tried, I just had to learn on my own the hard way. It would have been much easier for me if I'd of stopped as soon as it became obvious me and alcohol don't mix well but at 19, that's easier said than done. Sorry don't have any proper advice but just wanted to share my experience.

Thank you for sharing. I’m glad your in a better place now.

@ArgyleIsle

The great thing about them going off to uni is that you don't know what they are up to...so can't worry!

Much worse when they are at home and you are therefore aware.

God hope so

@Demelza82

Try parenting

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@pilates

Paralytic and happy not great but kind of expected when you’re young

But why was she crying? What happened?

She was just drunk... shes got post alcohol anxiety today and is full of remorse!

When I was 17 I got home in the early hours, pissed as a fart, and threw up just inside the front door. I knew my mother would go mad so drunken logic made me run a bowl of warm soapy water, and just chuck it on top of the sick and go to bed. My mum got up the next morning for work none the wiser until she stepped on the carpet at the bottom of the stairs and it was sopping wet! I was told off for being so bloody stupid and instructed to wake her up if it happened again!

I am amazed that parents on here are so laid back over teenage/young adult drinking. Or maybe it's me.....

But I never got absolutely plastered as a teenager, nor while I was at University. And I didn't expect my own children to do so either (DD and DS) when they were that age. While they were in my house and under my care - even if 19 or 20 - they stuck to my house rules. And they most certainly did. Anyone coming home totally pissed would have spent an uncomfortable night in the garden and would have been mopping up their own sick and making their own remedies. If I'd been worried that someone was at all likely to drive under the influence of the tiniest bit of alcohol I would certainly have confiscated the car keys.

Once they left home entirely it was their life. If they'd spend every day drunk it would have been choice, and not up to me. Fortunately by the time they did leave home neither of them misused alcohol at all.

My daughter had a boyfriend from another European country, he was always shocked at the misuse of alcohol by young adults in the UK. Judging by the replies on here, I can see why, it is as though it's assumed normal to get drunk, it certainly doesn't have to be a right of passage at all.

I don't see how you can confiscate things - she is 19 after all. However, I wouldn't enable it - she wants to get shitfaced and cry then I ignore it. I wouldn't be trying to calm her or pacify her, I'd let her get on with it - as hard as that is. Sorry OP, I hope she grows up soon! But take heart they can change when they get to Uni - one of mine was obsessed with social media - actually they got inundated and they've given it up altogether now!

I did the same at that age. I grew out of it. Same with my DS he never drinks now.

@Grayhairworry Post alcohol anxiety? Its called a hangover!

I spent my whole years of 19-21 completely shit faced. I worked in a pub and was just drinking non stop and when I got drunk I’d either cry and throw up or argue with everyone. I wasn’t very nice. Looking back now I think I was depressed - difficult childhood, self esteem issues, bullying etc but it did pass. She’s 19, not 15. Unfortunately.

YABU. She’s an adult, you can’t punish her or confiscate her things.

She has to make her own choices and her own mistakes whether you agree with them or not.

You can’t wrap her up in cotton wool and try to stop her making a mistake. She needs to figure out life for herself.

@hatewaitingonuniresults

This was me - I used to become either aggressive, sad or happy when drunk. Couldn't figure out any rhyme or reason for it, for instance sometimes if I drank when I was happy I would just become a happy drunk whereas other times if I drank when I was happy I would become an aggressive drunk. Sometimes if I drank on an empty stomach I would become a sad drunk, other times I drank on an empty stomach I would become a happy drunk. There was just no rhyme or reason at all for it.

And still to this day, coming 30, I still struggle with my emotions when drinking, although certainly not as much now. I put my parents through a lot of shit back in the day, which included drink driving, being arrested on 4 separate occasions and attempting suicide. All these events occurred whilst black out drunk. In everyday life I was a happy, normal, healthy woman who held down a job and had good relationships. I just turned into the devil with alcohol, I don't know if it's an allergy or just not knowing limits.

I'm now almost 30 and don't drink as much and when I do drink it's mostly in front of the tv and I just get tired, if out with friends I just crave my bed, proper boring now. There will be times where I feel my mood changing when with friends drinking but I am aware enough now to leave and get myself home to bed before I act on my impulse.

There was nothing my parents could have done to help, trust me they tried, I just had to learn on my own the hard way. It would have been much easier for me if I'd of stopped as soon as it became obvious me and alcohol don't mix well but at 19, that's easier said than done. Sorry don't have any proper advice but just wanted to share my experience.

That is exactly my experience too. Sometimes I would drink and I would be fine, other times I would drink the same and black out and emotional. It took me many years to control it. For me it was lack of confidence so used to drink to boost my confidence but it was like a switch, absolutely fine and then remember nothing. Thankfully I had lovely friends who stuck by me. And one particular friend who was the same. We still drink but sensibly now and grew out of the excess.

I think your daughter has to live and learn. I'm surprised by so many pp saying about counselling for it. It's almost a rite of passage where I grew up and all kids did it.

@ludothedog

My 74 year old mother got blind drunk the other week. I had to pick her up from her sisters, put her in the shower and put her to bed. I've grounded her for 2 weeks.

Brilliant! She sounds like fun.

My granny, who was very straightlaced 95% of the time, would occasionally get a bit pissed and become very sweary.

As a child, I found it very amusing to hear my genteel, devout Catholic, retired primary HT grandmother going on about "Fucking Harold Wilson" putting up the price of gin and Benson & Hedges.