To be trying to find a way to stop Dd getting sh*tfaced?

[Grayhairworry]

Just that. Dd 19, has a really bad experience at the end of last year, she was very drunk and her behaviour was very bad, being abusive, had to be escorted to meet DH etc.

Obviously, she hasn't had the opportunity to go out much over the last year but when she has, has come in drunk but happy, have reminded her getting off her face not acceptable. Shes come home tonight, paralytic, crying. So worried that shebis going to come to harm, off to uni after the summer.

Any advice?

Haven't we all done this? Everyone does and you have to do it to learn. You can't punish her, the hangover will be punishment enough. She's an adult and had to learn this lesson herself

My 74 year old mother got blind drunk the other week. I had to pick her up from her sisters, put her in the shower and put her to bed. I've grounded her for 2 weeks.

Did you never do this when you were her age?
It’s fairly normal to have the occasional blow out and do slightly stupid things. Most teenagers do this and learn the lesson.
Luckily I did mine at university where my mum couldn’t see me to worry!

She's 19. She needs to deal with her own fuck ups. I can't imagine a group at uni would take care of someone they've only just met. As a volunteer for St John's my friend sees a lot of people just left by their "friends" in this state at events. She needs to learn fast that nobody will be there or care when she can't control herself away from home.

She just got drunk and maudlin. Alcohol is a depressant; everyone's done that at one time or another. Probably there is a [person of preferred sex] involved somewhere, or else she was just feeling a bit lonely/insecure. All standard young adult stuff.

@ludothedog

My 74 year old mother got blind drunk the other week. I had to pick her up from her sisters, put her in the shower and put her to bed. I've grounded her for 2 weeks.

Lol I’ll try it

Confiscating her car might just mean that next time she stays out instead of coming back to potential car removal. She will grow out of it and start realising she can't drink to that excess.

Confiscate her car! Sorry OP but that made me laugh. No you can’t do that. Just ignore her antics and move on. She has to learn for herself.

It's normal. Not desirable but perfectly normal. 3 out of my 4 did it on several occasions. Now in their mid twenties they have all grown up and out of getting hammered!

Dh picked up our legless son from a shop doorway, carried DD2 away from the local nightclub, and DD1 once spent Boxing Day lying on the floor or our wet room whimpering after an incredible amount of pink gin!!

We looked after them, made sure they weren't driving the next day and that was it. Now one is teetotal, one has a baby and the other rarely drinks at all (he never could handle his booze!)

And if I recall, my own first year at Uni was somewhat full of hangovers. Just be patient, she will grow out of it!

grayhairworry unfortunately my mother ignored my grounding request and tbh at either 29 or 74 years old I would be ignoring that request too!

I understand your worry for your daughter but you can't confiscate her car or control her life. She needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes and learn from the consequences

My eldest 2 are just into their 20s and they had some horrible hangovers for a year or two in their teens, from parties or going to friends houses. I've had to bring them home half dead a few times. They both grew out of it, neither of them bother with alcohol now.

She's 19! Of course she'll get drunk. Likely be sick a few times as well. Then as she gets older/leaves uni she'll learn her limits. But that's half the fun of going to uni - student nights, house parties etc.
I remember/have been told at 17, waking my parents up as I couldn't unlock the door, and telling them I was 'awfully drunk.' Mum put me to bed. It's life, it won't turn her into a raging alcoholic by having drunken nights out.

Didn't you get drunk when you were younger OP? You can only really learn from your own mistakes so let her. She'll feel the embarrassment and the hangover. No point being angry with her.

Try parenting

When I was 18 I had a friend that would cry every single time we had a few drinks! It doesn't suit some people! Think she'll have to learn herself.

@Demelza82

Try parenting

Hi OP, I'm sorry I don't have any advice but following hoping to learn some tips. I know most young people get drunk and I did it myself decades ago.
But our DD1 20 is a terrible abusive drunk, we've had to collect her on a number of occasions when her friends can't cope anymore, she's often much worse for wear than everyone else. Then she comes home and abuses us, genuinely frightening her younger siblings so it takes the whole household days to recover.
Neither DD2 18 or DS16 will touch alcohol as a result, so while that may be a silver lining I worry that she's scarred them for life with her shocking behaviour.
So while it might be a rite of passage for many teens, I fear for her, what happens when we're not there to collect her, pick her off the road, stop her from staggering off to god knows where?

The teens that get into trouble at uni are the ones who’ve been prevented from testing their limits at home. She needs to have a shit load of fun this summer while she’s under your supervision. If you prevent her from doing that, she’ll be like a coiled spring come freshers week and god knows what she’ll get up to.

Film it next time.

Send the footage to her.

Show her what she's like when she's paralytic

@Demelza82
I and all my friends were parented just fine. We still occasionally drank too much, made slight idiots of ourselves, looked after each other and dealt with the hangovers the next day.
Happy times, great memories!

She’s 19, she will make her own mistakes. You don’t need to keep reminding her of one time almost a year ago. If my mum would have done that I’d have hidden my drinking and not confided in her if something bad had happened when drunk for fear of judgement.

At 19 my parents had nothing to do with how I lived my life

Confiscate her car has really amused me! Unless she has drunk drove then thats a really crazy idea, she is 19 just leave her to it. I'd been living on my own for a year by 19 and my parents had no idea whatsoever what I was up to.

I’m quite surprised at the responses here. When I was that age none of us drank to the point of being noticeably drunk. We smoked a bit of pot, but didn’t drink. My son doesn’t drink to excess either. Not sure if this is cultural (we are not culturally British), but it’s not a thing that has to happen.

I like the idea of filming her. Drunk people have no idea how out of control they look, it might help change her behaviour.

My winter coat....would you dd agree to go to counselling as she seems to be reacting more than the usual to drink. There may be some underlying issue she needs to deal with.
It's a huge worry being a parent watching your teen being more reactive to alcohol than their friends. It's actually terrifying. I have seen it with my ds and thankfully he has come through it but he had no capacity for alcohol and no off button. He had a lot of counselling to come through it, finally deciding not to drink as it didn't suit him. But that was a decision he had to come to himself.
Op there is no much you can do at the moment besides not make life any easier for her tomorrow so she suffers the full effect.