How much did your 16yo spend on their prom dress?

[SpongebobNoPants]

I have no idea how much these dresses cost but we’ve been asked to pay £500 towards SD’s prom outfit which seems really excessive?
Her dress alone is £500

When DP expressed some surprise (and announce to be honest) at the cost he was told everyone spends that much?
Are we just old and out of the loop or is this excessive?

Nothing as covid cancelled Prom.
I guess I would go up to about £75.

@SpongebobNoPants

This morning we’ve also been sent links to shoes of £140 by her DM saying she wants those, DP replied fine we can get those and for her hair and make up so that’ll come to around the £200 we were going to spend. She has hid the roof saying we have to pay for those and £200 towards the dress because she can’t afford to buy the dress on her own

No shit Sherlock, neither can we! DP has again said our contribution in total is £200 max, his ex is now sending text after text calling him a selfish father, some nice choice things about me thrown in there too.

Lovely.

Say £200 max of nothing, take it or leave it.

The mother sounds awful! Do you think she's even planning to let her DD buy a £500 dress? Or is it more likely that she'll get a cheaper one and her mum will pocket the change?!

Stand firm OP - £500 is ridiculous!

I'm also in the Midlands, also wasn't sure if prom was 100% on until a couple of weeks ago.

£60 dress from ASOS (it did need alterations, but those have been done for free)
£20 shoes - in sale they should have been about £100(& £90 for trainers incase she can't walk in heals, but now she thinks she can walk in them I was had!)
£30 hair
£30 make up
£20 nails
I've told her that's it!

The most expensive prom dresses I've heard of were under £400, but no one seems to have spent that much this year. And we're not doing cars.

I think mine was about £120 from monsoon back in the early 2000s for our 6th form leavers ball.
As we were all 18, a load of us stayed at the hotel afterwards with our boyfriends. I got food poisoning from the buffet and vomited all down my dress, and proceeded to spend the entire night in the bathroom. Good times!

Second hand prom dresses don’t sell very well as the cut and fit vary for each girl plus if they are altered or shortened - styles change each year as well.

I wouldn’t go down this route

There are loads of cheaper prom dress shops - I believe there’s a big one near Birmingham.

She can still have the experience without paying a fortune.

I think this prom thing is madness. I wonder whether it replaces marriage for a lot of people, you get the whole princess for a day nonsense. Not so many people marry in their early twenties so this is an opportunity to have a big fuss. I see people on my local Facebook group wanting hundreds of pounds for “nearly new” prom dresses.

SDs mother is completely unreasonable here.

The mother sounds awful! Do you think she's even planning to let her DD buy a £500 dress?
They’ve already bought the dress (I assume on credit card) so it’s a done deal. That’s what we were so annoyed about yesterday, we were simply told that they’d bought it and we needed to pay for it! No discussion, no “SD has found a dress she loves but it’s £500, how much can you put towards it?”

Instead it was a forceful demand and emotional blackmail about “letting her down”, so we were set up to either pay up or be the bad guys.

We hired on both occasions and it was £50/60 .did buy new shoes and bags though .
£500 is stupid money.Don't pay it.

Oh dear (update on £200 offer causing tantrums).
I guess you'll have to ride this storm out.
How do you normally work out expenses on high cost vague amount items for the SD, together?

I spent £800 on my wedding dress in 2000 so £300 on prom dress in 2018 (cost may have included shoes?) didn't seem outrageous to me. High but not stupid. My wedding dress is literally the only posh frock I've ever worn - or ever will wear.

@SpongebobNoPants

The mother sounds awful! Do you think she's even planning to let her DD buy a £500 dress? They’ve already bought the dress (I assume on credit card) so it’s a done deal. That’s what we were so annoyed about yesterday, we were simply told that they’d bought it and we needed to pay for it! No discussion, no “SD has found a dress she loves but it’s £500, how much can you put towards it?”

Instead it was a forceful demand and emotional blackmail about “letting her down”, so we were set up to either pay up or be the bad guys.

£500 is quite frankly ridiculous. If her mum has bought it, tough shit, she pays for it, more fool her. Her DD, your SD, should also know better, sorry, but her demands are also totally unreasonable.

Are the tickets free? If not that is an extra £150.

We paid £150 for dress, worn once, and will never be worn again. £120 for tickets, and about another £50 for jewellery and shoes, DD bought those herself. Nothing on hair, or makeup, or tans, or nails. DD completely capable of doing all that herself, as are most girls.

Leavers is the next step for which they need another full ensemble. DD is borrowing older sisters dress, and using all the other accessories she already has from prom. Again doing her own hair, make-up etc etc. This time just paying for the tickets £150.

Hopefully your SD will not want a step up for her leavers, where will it end? Her wedding is going to be a nightmare .

@BigWoollyJumpers this is her “leavers” prom, she will not be continuing on to 6th form and maybe not higher education at all.

Tickets are free and being funded by the PTA 8 believe, although the parents have organised it independently.

*PTA I believe

Stand firm, OP. £200 is a reasonable contribution IMO.
My DD's dress (last year) was £57 from JJ's house including shipping - we're on a pretty tight budget and DD understands that, I'd have had to pay for alterations, shoes, accessories, hair, nails etc but wouldn't have spent anything like £500 in total I don't think. As it goes, she never even got to wear it so I'm glad we didn't push the boat out.

It also would never have occurred to me to ask her father for a contribution.

Do a Carrie - rent a frock!

I’ve just spent £100 on my dds. It’s technically a bridesmaid Dress from a wedding shop, but she fell in love with it. Her shoes were on sale for about £10. I’ve just spent £60 on her getting her hair cut and coloured. That’s it really. I thought spending too much more just seemed excessive.

It also would never have occurred to me to ask her father for a contribution

I see no problem at all with asking her dad for a contribution, he is her parent after all. DP is really fair with splitting extras (or just paying for them such as phones & phone bills, bus passes etc) but he won’t tolerate being told he has to spend large amounts he hasn’t pre-agreed to

Dress £160
Shoes £35
Hair £0 I'm doing it
Nails £35
Bag £20
Hair accessories £10
Jewellery &55

We baulked at the price of the dress to be honest

I'd tell them they need to return the dress if they can't afford it. Because you're not going to make up the difference.

SD is being raised to think she's entitled to what she wants when she wants it.

£600 trainers ... the fact that they were even being considered is hilariously frightening, frankly, for someone on a low income.

£500 prom dress, £140 shoes, full on hair and make up outing, probably transport, expensive night out ... nope. If she can't afford it, then she'll have to tone it all down like everyone else who lives in the real world.

Someone really needs to sit down with SD and explain the financial realities of life. Doesn't sound like that's going to be her mother...

Absolutely chuffing ridiculous amount of money made even worse by the fact that they can't afford it.

There is no way I would pay that and I speak as the mum of 2 teenager daughters.

Just say no.

Dress £50, shoes £65, hair £25, nails £15. She's borrowing accessories and jewellery.

DD is petite and although we did have an outing to a 'prom dress shop' where the dresses were £200-800 mark, there wasn't a single one which she liked or that didn't make her look like a little girl in her mum's dress ( a big Nono at 16!), so she's gone for something more party that prom from ASOS and will dress it up.

£500 prom dresses do exist but there is absolutely no need to buy at that price. There'll be lots of girls in much simpler styles.

Mine was 18 and her dress was £150.

@lastcall I completely agree. Her mum doesn’t work but seems to think her and eldest SD are something from TOWIE... designer bags etc. Her DM splashed out on £300 Gucci sliders recently for example. Her finances are none of my business but it is concerning that none of them seem to know the value of money.

We try to explain to SD how much things cost, about wages but it doesn’t seem to have any affect. She was recently looking for a part time job (we were thrilled!) but she refused to apply for anything as they were offering between £8.50-9 per hour (supermarkets) and she said “Urgh it wouldn’t be worth my time”.

£8.50/hr for a 16 year old is a really good wage! But she thinks she’s above this somehow?

We’ve also offered to pay her an allowance to come and walk our dogs or do a bit of housework on the days I’m in the office. We offered £20 a week to walk the dogs 3 days for an hour a time... she said “No way. That’s ridiculous”.

£80 a month for walking the family pets 3 times a week is a good deal I think! My 11yo DD piped up saying she’ll do it for half of that 😂😂

@SpongebobNoPants

It also would never have occurred to me to ask her father for a contribution

I see no problem at all with asking her dad for a contribution, he is her parent after all. DP is really fair with splitting extras (or just paying for them such as phones & phone bills, bus passes etc) but he won’t tolerate being told he has to spend large amounts he hasn’t pre-agreed to

No, I totally get that. My DDs father pays maintenance and considers that his job done. I don't ask for anything else, as I could cause awkwardness for DD. Also, if I want to treat DD to something more expensive, that's my decision and would be unfair to tell my ex he had to pay (and he would never offer, he must think DD teleports to college as he's never asked about her bus pass).

@ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower yes I agree with you, it would be unfair to agree to treats then ask for money for them without prior consultation