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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not being unreasonable about my lack of excitement?

81 replies

elementofslurpee · 04/06/2021 20:27

Me and hubby upgraded our cars today and they will be ready start of July. Husband got a completely different make and model, fancier car than the one he has just now. Whereas I just chose the same make and model that I have now, only difference being that it's a different model and a 2021 plate. Since then he has been very excited which is fair enough, but he keeps asking if I am and I'm not really - why would I be? It's the same car basically. He's now had a few drinks and is calling me ungrateful and spoiled Hmm

AIBU? He's like a dog with a bone tonight, it's quite odd really.

OP posts:
Original poster
elementofslurpee · 04/06/2021 20:46

@Nohomemadecandles god I never even realised I wrote that, had to go back and check Blush

OP posts:
LindainLockdown · 04/06/2021 20:47

But if it helps your DH is being a dick.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/06/2021 20:47

I can see why you're not excited OP. It sounds more like a tick box exercise to you. Glad your DH has something to look forward to his his upgrade though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/06/2021 20:47

@LindainLockdown

But if it helps your DH is being a dick.
Birds of a feather
WallaceinAnderland · 04/06/2021 20:50

Both north of 50k

I've never heard this phrase 'north of' in relation to money but ew it made me cringe Blush

IliveonCoffee · 04/06/2021 20:52

It sounds like you've made a sensible choice, and I can get that from your point of view there is not much change....but pulls out splinters I do kind of get his side.

You're not even a little excited to get a new one? All shiny new, with that new car smell. Assuming brand new - so barely any miles - the anticipation of getting into quadruple (or even triple) digits on the mileage. Will you be lucky enough to have plastic film to pull off?

I'm guessing the spoilt comments are well, if you're not excited you must be taking the fact you can upgrade after 3 years for granted rather than it actually being a nice thing to be able to do. Obviously its actually more cost effective if your case but its still a nice position.

I can see why you're not excited - if its basically identical but 3 years younger. But I also don't see why you bother...or more accurately why you don't bother to find an alternative cost-wise if it seems more of a chore than a excitement to upgrade.

kneesbentarmsstretchedrararaaa · 04/06/2021 20:54

As someone who has never driven anything other than a second hand, clapped out banger, I'd say you are being a bit blasé about it, but I don't really get why he seems offended. He is being weird.

Original poster
elementofslurpee · 04/06/2021 20:56

@IliveonCoffee you might have evoked a little excitement in me actually Grin

OP posts:
Peach01 · 04/06/2021 20:58

Ungrateful for not being excited over having a new car? If it was a gift I would understand but just because you don't share his excitement doesn't mean he can label you as spoiled and ungrateful.
Some people aren't up north down over these things and I don't see why it would upset him.

Peach01 · 04/06/2021 20:58

*Up nor down

godmum56 · 04/06/2021 21:02

not sure why you are spoiled and ungrateful if you are paying for it?

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 04/06/2021 21:04

I’m team DH too.

Quite frankly you sound miserable and spoilt, I love cars and I’ve been excited over every single one I’ve had! There’s nothing wrong with being excited, stop making it such a negative experience for him

FudgeSundae · 04/06/2021 21:07

[quote elementofslurpee]@NavalGazer and quite right, why not! Enjoy! [/quote]
No but this makes sense because @NavalGazer says that she likes new cars. You clearly don’t care about new cars and so upgrading every 3 years is just a colossal waste of money? I mean it’s up to you of course but if you don’t care about it you might as well light pound notes on fire or give them to me

Original poster
elementofslurpee · 04/06/2021 21:10

@OneMamaAndHerGirl I'm not at all but he keeps asking if I'm excited and I've said not overly because it's same make and model etc. I'm not making it miserable for my darling husband at all.

OP posts:
NC276 · 04/06/2021 21:25

Haha I think it's weird to lease cars. But I guess, different strokes. If you're paying for it, then no you're obviously not being ungrateful and spoilt.

Original poster
elementofslurpee · 04/06/2021 21:31

@NC276 a lot of people say that, why do you think it's weird? I like the security that if anything goes wrong with it it's not my responsibility

OP posts:
Tiggytico · 04/06/2021 22:13

[quote elementofslurpee]@NC276 a lot of people say that, why do you think it's weird? I like the security that if anything goes wrong with it it's not my responsibility[/quote]
I'd like to know this too... I'm like OP. No interest in cars but had my fingers burned by buying a three year old car (which was a lot of money for me) and then the engine had a "catastrophic failure" a few months later which basically meant that I lost the thousands spent on the car. Ever since I've leased. Pains me to see that money leave my account each month. Looked at buying a 12 month old car and then selling after another 24 months, but would be paying less monthly than the depreciation? Doesn't seem to add up, which is why I lease.

FudgeSundae · 04/06/2021 22:24

@Tiggytico you can just get a car a few years old from a garage that offers a warranty? A hell of a lot cheaper than a new car.

NC276 · 04/06/2021 22:35

Well what is the likelihood that something is going to wrong with your 21 plate car? I bought a 15 year old car from a dealer, 3 years ago. Nothing has gone wrong with it (touch wood!!) and I'm not paying a ridiculous amount each month to essentially borrow a car? Don't get me wrong, people want different things in life and out of cars Smile.

Arrowheart · 04/06/2021 22:39

If you don't care about what car you drive, why get a different one unless the one you have is falling to bits and unsafe. All very weird.

DPotter · 04/06/2021 22:49

Different people look for different things in a car.

Me- I want something that gets me from A to B reliably, doesn't break-down and takes all my stuff in the back. Couldn't give 2 hoots about colour, make or model. A car is a tool that enables me to get around. Full stop.

Other people identify much more with their car. Fair enough. Good for them

Just don't expect me to raise my heart rate at a tool that does what it's meant to do.

phoenixrosehere · 04/06/2021 22:50

YANBU.

My husband does the same with his car because by upgrading he pays less each month afterwards. Other than liking the look of certain cars, I’m not that into them whereas he is and we know this about each other. He knows I’m not bothered and doesn’t get upset over it nor does it take away his excitement since he is getting what he wants. A bit ridiculous to expect you to have the same excitement as him when it doesn’t have the same meaning for you.

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 05/06/2021 00:30

I get this, I've always had a lease car (VW Golf), and I don't get excited as such when I change now, because I love the car and pick the same one each time, same spec, same colour usually. I probably would get excited if I picked something really special, but I love this car and it's familiar and a great drive so I guess I've just got complacent? Other people get more excited than I do about it,but I suppose if I lost it I'd be really upset having to pick something different. Might give it a wash tomorrow, show I appreciate it haha

ScottishNewbie · 05/06/2021 01:03

People change their phones when their contract term runs out... It's the same with lease cars, but it seems to be a massive taboo.
Starting a new lease is often more economical monthly than continuing with the same car. It makes sense.

OP, You're not BU to not be excited. Our car arrives beginning of July also, and I'm not overly bothered, whereas my partner is excited because it's new and shiny and has bells and whistles etc eyeroll.

It doesn't make you or I spoilt to not really care, and I think it's quite rude that he said that.

Maybe he's just feeling like you're being a bit of a downer and chatting to him about his car and asking him about the features he's most excited for will help him feel like you care??

katy1213 · 05/06/2021 01:18

Why do you have to be grateful when you're the one who's paying?

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