Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throw away the contents of this box?

87 replies

desperate4spring · 04/06/2021 15:14

My lovely mum recently delivered to my house some boxes of 'things' that she had found in her loft that were mine from yeeeears ago. A lot of it is old clothes from my teenage years which dd is delighted about as some of it fits her.

One box however is full of all of the cards that they recieved from friends and family when I was born, at my baptism and for my 1st birthday. I find it slightly bizarre (although also somewhat touching) that she has kept them all this time - including 4 house moves.

I've had a look through them and have put aside a couple of special ones, but otherwise do you think it's ok for me to throw the rest away? It seems a shame when she has kept them all this time, but I really don't see why I would keep them all?

AIBU to throw away the contents of this box?
OP posts:
JediGnot · 04/06/2021 15:20

If you have the space and the time and the mental energy to sort and store more stuff then keep them.

If it's pointless tat from people you don't know or don't have some strong emotional bond with then bin 'em.

I have quite a lot of stuff, from scrapbooks I kept as a kid, to schoolwork, uni work, old letter and cards and postcards. I quite like having it, and knowing one day I can go through and reminisce, knowing one day the future generations might be curious.

But let's be honest, 99.9% of that sort of stuff is utter rubbish that no-one would miss!

Cleverpolly3 · 04/06/2021 15:20

Oh I’d keep them.
What lovely nostalgia and the care over the years to keep them all

I would love this

Burnt0utMum · 04/06/2021 15:22

I'd ask her if she wanted them back before throwing them away

Singlenotsingle · 04/06/2021 15:22

Have you got room to store them? When you're an old lady you might be pleased you kept them.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/06/2021 15:23

I kept the ones that were special to me, and binned (recycled) the others.

PleasantBirthday · 04/06/2021 15:24

You could take a photo of the ones to throw away...

WellLarDeDar · 04/06/2021 15:24

You could scan them all so you have copies and then throw away the cards themselves? If anyone asked you could say that the box got wet and ruined them but thank god you scanned them ;)

Xmassprout · 04/06/2021 15:25

I would double check to see if she wanted to keep any that you don't. But otherwise they're yours to do as you please

katy1213 · 04/06/2021 15:27

Ask her if she wants them back - if not, bin them. You can't keep stuff that other people are sentimental about.

fairlygoodmother · 04/06/2021 15:28

If your mum gave them to you because she though you’d like them, maybe offer them back to her before you throw them away? They obviously mean something to her. I think you could come up with a way to do it without hurting her feelings - you loved looking through them and are touched by all the messages but you don’t want to store them?

If she was having a clear out and doesn’t have space herself, you can just throw them away. You probably don’t know many of the people who aent them.

Hagqueen · 04/06/2021 15:29

Get rid.

You didn’t miss them, you’ve already picked what you want.

Don’t keep because your mum did.

SilverGoblin · 04/06/2021 15:29

These represent the memories of the love your mother has for you, even if she is the sort not to show it much to adult children, which I'm not saying she is but these represent her feelings when you were tiny. How much room does this special box take up. One day your mum and the others represented in these mementos will be gone from this world and such things become more important then. I personally don't throw out things like this. You obviously do what makes you happy but there's no going back, gone is gone forever.

BikeRunSki · 04/06/2021 15:31

I’ve been helping DM clear her loft this morning and kept finding this kind of stuff. I am not nostalgic about it - my school work, teen clothes etc. I took the handful of teddies and photos i wanted years ago. DM seems to be attached to it enough to pay £1000s for packers to pack and move it half way across the country. There is a trunk of 1970s acrylic baby clothes that none of my siblings or I wanted for our own babies! That’s being moved...

HeadlessGummyBears · 04/06/2021 15:32

Instead of throwing them away. You could take pictures or scan them in? That way you’ll at least have a digital copy. If it doesn’t take too much space, you could keep them stored or use it as an art project in a scrapbook or a collage? There might be family members and friends who may have passed on so it would be a shame to lose that.

LaBellina · 04/06/2021 15:34

Oh I would keep them but I’m hugely sentimental. If your DM has kept them for so long she obviously feels the same way and I think it would be a bit heartless to throw them away without asking her first if she wants them back in this case.

BarefootHippieChick · 04/06/2021 15:36

My mum kept about 21 years worth of my birthday cards. I kept the special birthday ones (1/18/21) and binned the rest. I didn't even recognise names on most of them. For the record, I don't save any cards anyway, unless they're particularly special, ie handmade etc

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/06/2021 15:37

I would be sure to ask your mom first. If she’s kept these things through four house moves, presumably she had some attachment to them, or thought you would? Why has she decided to give them to you now?

You say a lot of the contents of the boxes was old clothes. I would double-check if she definitely meant to give you the cards - imagine if she’s been looking for them for ages, having forgotten she’d put them in with your old stuff. It’d be awful if she saw one of the ones you’d kept, got all excited and then asked where the others...

On the other hand, she might say ‘Oh no, it’s up to you if you want to keep them’, and then you can get rid of any you don’t want. I’d be wary of being too ruthless though - it’s not like they’d take up a huge amount of space. It’s not like trying to decide whether you can keep granny’s grand piano!

Hadalifeonce · 04/06/2021 15:38

I have done the same recently, I kept a couple of things, but otherwise..... Gone. They are things that haven't seen the light of day for a long time.

ThePlantsitter · 04/06/2021 15:43

Give your daughter the gift of not having to deal with them when you die and throw them away. I'm a hugely sentimental person but having had to deal with dead relatives' stuff a few times it's really sad and horrible.

ProperVexed · 04/06/2021 15:44

I'd bin them without a second thought. Can't stand that sort of clutter.

queenrollo · 04/06/2021 15:47

If you're not precious about keeping them, don't just bin them. Sling them on Ebay as a bundle. There's a market for this kind of vintage image and someone will re-use the fronts in crafting.

namechangeincase · 04/06/2021 15:54

I hate cards to be honest. I send a photo ones or handmade to close relatives because I know they appreciate them. However they're lost on me. I would keep from the children the rest are put in the recycling almost immediately.
My mum has all my cards from birth, christening and every birthday from a child she expects me to take when her time comes. I've told her I don't want them. Just as I don't want all my baby teeth 🤢
I would probably burn them.

BikeRunSki · 04/06/2021 15:54

@ThePlantsitter

Give your daughter the gift of not having to deal with them when you die and throw them away. I'm a hugely sentimental person but having had to deal with dead relatives' stuff a few times it's really sad and horrible.
I am going to try this approach on my mum! I’m the only child who lives in the UK, it would be me dealing with 4 lots of this type of stuff!
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 04/06/2021 15:57

Unless I had a real storage-space problem, I would keep this box until at least my mother died. You might even share an afternoon with her one day looking through them. You might later want to keep them as a reminder of her. No need to throw them out unless you're desperate for space, and than I'd offer them back to her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/06/2021 15:57

I'm 100% with SilverGoblin on this.

Definitely offer them back to your DM first, if you don't want them. If she's kept them for so long, I very much doubt she gave the box to you expecting you to sort it out and bin it if you don't want it - she probably thought you'd be delighted. If she does want them, then let her keep them; once she's no longer with you, it's entirely up to you.

I know we're all different, but it baffles me as to why people would not want to keep physical, personal, irreplacable markers of important parts of their own history for the sake of half a shoe box of space in their loft. I'd have to sort through a whole load of less important stuff before I would get anywhere near considering throwing out something like that.

Just one more thing: although they specifically relate to you, they're also markers in other people's lives too. Yes, it was you who was born, but don't you think having given birth to you was also one of the most special highlights of your DM's whole life? In addition, do you have children yourself (or hope to have them)? My parents have both been gone for over twenty years, but I still treasure cards, photos and others of their significant possessions - even those relating to their lives long before I came along - because they also help me to place where I fit in the world. The teddy whom my DF loved as a child helped him along on his journey to adulthood - and if that progression had never happened (as it sadly didn't for his baby brother), neither would I.

Swipe left for the next trending thread