AIBU to throw away the contents of this box?

[desperate4spring]

My lovely mum recently delivered to my house some boxes of 'things' that she had found in her loft that were mine from yeeeears ago. A lot of it is old clothes from my teenage years which dd is delighted about as some of it fits her.

One box however is full of all of the cards that they recieved from friends and family when I was born, at my baptism and for my 1st birthday. I find it slightly bizarre (although also somewhat touching) that she has kept them all this time - including 4 house moves.

I've had a look through them and have put aside a couple of special ones, but otherwise do you think it's ok for me to throw the rest away? It seems a shame when she has kept them all this time, but I really don't see why I would keep them all?

Please don’t bin them! If you don’t want them then as pp said stick them on eBay or somewhere. There is a huge market for all things vintage....and we really should be throwing away as little as possible.

Also check with your daughter that she has no interest in them, I actually have my mum’s school reports and I am hugely attached to them so you may be surprised.

My mum has a load of cards from when I was born, she's shown them to me once (when she got them down from the loft when moving house). A lot of them are "oh this was my neighbour when I was younger" or "oh, this is from my colleague at the time". I have never heard of any of these people.

YABU because you should recycle them not chuck them in landfill. Otherwise go ahead.

I think you’re doing completely the right thing OP, but would mention to your DM before you get rid of what you don’t want in case as PP says she wants it back.

Slight derail but do people feel compelled to keep this sort of thing? I am one of them! DS1 is now 6 and I have all the congratulations cards, 1st birthday cards, and all the subsequent birthdays from “key” people, although it’s all ultimately meaningless isn’t it. And I can see from this thread that he probably won’t want it himself - so why am I doing it? Argh

I just read what ThePlantsitter said. Just goes to prove how differently circumstances and events can affect us as individuals.

Maybe some of us treasure the stuff of reminders of our loved ones' lives whilst others see them as poignant testaments to the sadness that they are no longer with us. Grief's weird like that.

Keep the ones from relatives perhaps?

In addition, do you have children yourself (or hope to have them)?

Sorry, that was very ignorant of me - of course you do have (at least one) child, you said it clearly in your OP.

I think you could probably throw away a lot of them, but have a hard think of there's any you should keep.

My DGM died last year, but for several years had been unable to write cards. I wish I'd kept cards with her writing in, but she was well and healthy and it didn't occur to me until she was unable to see to write, by then it was too late

Yes I was just about to reply to you specifically @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll. I think it's because I agree with you about the attached emotion that I found it so hard. For me the good wishes are what have gone into making me already and the objects are too heavy with emotion to carry around. That sounds a bit saccharine I think but I really mean it.

it’s all ultimately meaningless isn’t it.

You could say that about the cards as they're actually given to you, though, couldn't you? Thinking 'you've said happy birthday to me already and now you've given me a bit of card that you spent money on and that I now have to put somewhere'. Maybe some people do think that. Certainly not me, though!

Thanks, ThePlantsitter.

Not saccharine in any way whatsoever - your memories are your memories and your feelings are your feelings; nobody has any right to tell you that you're having the wrong ones or dealing with them wrongly.

@SilverGoblin

These represent the memories of the love your mother has for you, even if she is the sort not to show it much to adult children, which I'm not saying she is but these represent her feelings when you were tiny. How much room does this special box take up. One day your mum and the others represented in these mementos will be gone from this world and such things become more important then. I personally don't throw out things like this. You obviously do what makes you happy but there's no going back, gone is gone forever.

Exactly. It's about the connection to your mum and her love for you, not the people who wrote the cards or whether they're tat or not. When she's dead it might be a comfort to have a tangible way to access that connection.

I don't know why you find it bizarre tbh. She hasn't given you a box of tat, she's given you a box of memories of her love for you and quite possibly with her mind on the fact she won't be around forever.

I'd keep the cards that were from people I knew/who were dear to me.

I was doing some tidying the other day and found a note and a handwritten recipe my Nan had sent me in the post about 20 years ago. She died a few years back now and had been suffering from Alzheimers for a long time before that, so it was a sudden and lovely reminder of the lady she was.

I'm not massively sentimental, but I'd be reluctant to just throw it all away (unless you're really that tight for space).

When my MIL died my dh had a whole bunch of cards she had kept over the years, so we looked through them and instead of chucking them I put them on Ebay for 99p and someone bought them. I've no idea what they did with them but I like the idea they will be used in some way, maybe cut up for other cards or retro kind of pictures, I don't know.

I think a lot of these response are from people with the privilege of their mum's mortality feeling like something that will never happen to them.

Small things like this can be very precious and comforting in grief. A small stack of cards hardly presents a huge storage issue.

I do think there's a difference between something with your mum's writing on it or a special message and a card from an old forgotten next door neighbour with 'from Jean x' written in it though. My DH's mum kept everything and it was quite honestly a burden to sort through it all. I'm not saying that in a resentful way but just an honest one. Maybe these cards have a socio-historic value somehow but the emotional value lessens through the generations I think.

Also agree shame to chuck if your mum kept them for so long. Hope not, but if your Mum develops dementia it’s nice to have things like this which can act as a memory trigger for her- these are the times she’ll recall. And assume the cards were to her, congratulating her on you- do you feel they are really yours to chuck ? Interesting your mum didn’t sling them out!!!

I personally think it's fine to get rid of them, I'm not sentimental in the least and don't want the burden of that kind of clutter. I also don't want to leave a load of 'stuff' for someone else to dispose of when I'm gone.

It is entirely up to you.
My son died a few years ago and I put all the cards I got when he was born, and his baptism candle into the memory box. I am glad I kept them.
I will give my other children their cards and candles in due course. I suppose they can do what they want with them, but hopefully after i am no longer around. They can decide what to do with their brother's things then too.

I have kept them. I found the same in my mother’s things when she died. I also have all my parents wedding telegrams, and a big box of their letters from when they were courting.

I found it really nice to read through mine. Not unusual thing to keep

I would start by offering them back, saying that they don't represent memories for you, as, well, you were a baby! - but you appreciate that they might for her. I'd also offer to have them scanned as obviously the physical cards will deteriorate in storage.

If she says no, she doesn't want them, she was just de-cluttering & thought it would be nice to offer them to you before she chucked them in the recycling, then I'd go in with the 'eBay for vintage card collectors/crafters' suggestions.

My mum's still got all my baby cards, 40 years later! I'm so sentimental, I can't bear to throw things like that away. My grandma is 95 now and I keep every birthday and Christmas card she gives me in case it's the last one.

I have only read the OP but feel I'll find this thread interesting and maybe upsetting.

I have very little to say I existed during most of my childhood so when I had children I kept everything. All cards they received, all pictures they scribbled and drew at play school and all their school books. I've kept their first shoes but regret giving away all of their baby clothes. I wish I'd kept a coat, hat etc.

Oh keep them! They're so special! I have some from my own Christening, and loads from my two dd's. They're so important. Those connections and all that love might otherwise be forgotten.