AIBU to consider another baby at 40?

[blueberrywaffles]

I know people often say they have made a point to have babies when they were young. I wanted the same but it didn’t happen for me. I had my first at 38 and thought that would be enough. Now that he is older I wish he had a sibling.

What would you do in my position, if you had your first baby later in life? There are no guarantees that I could have another or that they would get along.

I had my first child at 38 and my second just two weeks before my 41st birthday. I have no regrets at all and they are pretty grown up now and really great friends (girl and boy). Infact, at this very moment, the eldest is helping the younger one with his A levels revision.

Where I live there were plenty of other mothers who were as old or very nearly as old as me so I didn't stick out like a sore thumb and didn't feel too ancient when they were toddlers, at primary school etc.

When I was 30 I thought that 40 was too old to be having kids. Then I had 2 children and reached 40 and didn't feel as old as I thought I would when I was 30.

If you want another baby then have one!

Go for it

Am also considering this but with baby no 3 rather than 2 - was going to go for it last year but decided to wait and get vaccinated and have since turned 40 and am now wondering. I think the answer is that we have toddlers anyway so in for a penny, in for a pound :)

In the our situation I’d have another in a heartbeat! The difference between 38 and 40 is negligible. There’s pros and cons to having them when younger or older. The people who I think are off their heads are the ones who had them younger and then decide start it all again post 40! Worst of both worlds

Go for it. I had my 3rd at 40. Wouldn't change a thing, despite always thinking it would be 'too old'. Pregnancy was no more difficult and tiredness is tiredness at 20 or 40. It's made no difference to me.

Do it! I’m 40 and I wouldn’t have a third now, but I definitely would have gone for a second at this age. I’m very happy that I have two. It gives me such pleasure to see them play together.

Go for it but understand the risks. I had my first at 38 and then two miscarriages before having my son at 41.

I am so happy to have my second child but it was an anxious time. However you get treated as a high risk pregnancy so after 25 weeks I had regular scans and was induced early to reduce other risks.

Otherwise - I feel as fit as I was 5/10 years ago and sometimes fitter as I have to be so active with a toddler running round!

I’m surprised at the positive responses. Thank you. I have relatives who mentioned my age when I was pregnant and also bring it up if I ever say I’m tired from having a baby or toddler. I try not to complain but even if I mention it offhandedly they say something like “that’s why it’s better to have babies when you’re young.” It has really made me question everything.

@blueberrywaffles

I’m surprised at the positive responses. Thank you. I have relatives who mentioned my age when I was pregnant and also bring it up if I ever say I’m tired from having a baby or toddler. I try not to complain but even if I mention it offhandedly they say something like “that’s why it’s better to have babies when you’re young.” It has really made me question everything.

I think that's really unkind of your relatives. Life doesn't always work out that way.

Unless your DP is much older I’d go for it. But bear in mind that a miscarriage is as likely as a baby, so try and emotionally guard yourself for that.

If you have a small toddler anyway then why not? It's not as though you have one child in their 20's and are considering a huge age gap. I would go for it.

I had mine at 33 and 35. If I had my first at 38 I wouldn't hesitate to have a 2nd at 40. X

Also, a friend of mine has 4 children, she had them at 38,39,40 and 42!!

If you had your first at 38 you know exactly what you’re taking on - it’s not like you had your first child years ago and time has softened the memories of nappies, sleep deprivation and not being able to get 5 minutes to yourself. Why not try for another if that’s what you want, assuming you’re health and finances are ok?

Your

Had my first at a similar age and considering ttc around my 41st. If you want kids you just need to accept you had kids older so you will have second kids older too and dive in - don’t overthink it

Oh and just to say there was over a decade between my youngest two and it was still perfectly okay! I love having a buggy to carry my shopping bags again I really missed that.

Yes, in your situation I would try for another baby.

Would I have tried at 40 ? No because mine were 12 and 22.

@Treezan82

Also, a friend of mine has 4 children, she had them at 38,39,40 and 42!!

My cousin has 5 children all conceived from 40-46.

How ridiculous that your relatives are telling you you're tired because you're 40. You're tired because because have a young child! I had my DS at 29 and was Knackered 24/7.
FWIW, I would absolutely have a 2nd in your position but would be slightly concerned about the increased risk of health issues and would do every screening test going.

Go for it, OP, why on earth not?

I had my second at 43 with no issues whatsoever.

Having kids is tiring, people making smug judgey comments are tiresome.

@EnjoyingTheSunshine thank you, they know my circumstances so I don’t know what they think I should have done differently. I left my husband at 27 and it took me almost ten years to find someone to build a stable family life. I guess I could have had children with my ex but I knew he wouldn’t be a good father and it seemed selfish to bring children into that.

@NicknamesAreLikeKleenex DH is about the same age so that isn’t a huge concern. That is a valid point about miscarriages.

If you have a toddler already go for it. I think it'd be different if you had a 20 year old and was considering starting again but your not you still have a young family: