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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider another baby at 40?

68 replies

blueberrywaffles · 04/06/2021 13:13

I know people often say they have made a point to have babies when they were young. I wanted the same but it didn’t happen for me. I had my first at 38 and thought that would be enough. Now that he is older I wish he had a sibling.

What would you do in my position, if you had your first baby later in life? There are no guarantees that I could have another or that they would get along.

OP posts:
Original poster
blueberrywaffles · 04/06/2021 13:42

And yes no illusions here about it being easy! I still have no time to myself but I have really loved being a mum, even through a pandemic. Having my son feels like winning the lottery.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 04/06/2021 13:42

Go for it. You have a toddler so there’s no reason you shouldn’t add to your family

bookh · 04/06/2021 13:43

I had 11 miscarriages, had given up.

Nearly twenty years married.

Then had Dd at 37, second at 39 who is currently six months.

I'm currently vacpacking baby clothes and internally debating whether to try once more or whether done.

For me, the miscarrying came much younger, both these pregnancies were straightforward despite my history.

Nightmanagerfan · 04/06/2021 13:44

I’ve got a two year old who I had when I was 38, and I’m now 41 and 23 weeks pregnant. I haven’t given my age another thought! The only thing is extra scans and monitoring, but I’m healthy and have no reason to worry. We live in London and babies in your 40s are completely normal here.

SamW98 · 04/06/2021 13:47

I would in a heartbeat OP. I had my son at 36 and did consider having another baby quickly afterwards but for various reasons we decided not to

All of my friends had this kids in their mid/late 30's and a few were over 40 when they had their youngest.

minipie · 04/06/2021 13:47

I know absolutely loads of people who had their DC late 30s/early 40s. In fact several who didn’t start till 40.

Assuming you can get and stay pregnant, I can’t see why your age is a reason not to go ahead ?

WellLarDeDar · 04/06/2021 13:50

I know two families where the mother was 40 when they had their babies and things worked out great for them. It is become more and more common these days and I personally think people are aging different than they used to. 40 is the new 30 :) Sometimes I think the life experience that older mothers have works well in their favour (not to say that younger mothers arent great too!). Go for it and good luck!

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/06/2021 13:51

I had my second at 42. Out of the two, he was my best pregnancy and birth experience. Age was not at factor at all. Go for it!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/06/2021 13:53

Don’t have a baby for your baby. There are pros and cons to having/not having a sibling. If you and your partner want another child, then go for it.

TableFlowerss · 04/06/2021 13:55

Go for it, it’s no ones business! 38,39, 40 it’s all much of a much… do it!!

PurpleBiro21 · 04/06/2021 13:55

I had an IVF (not age related) baby at 38 and am planning one last try at 41.

Thing to remember is women having babies in their 40s is not unusual at all, it’s having first babies later that is.

NameChange74567 · 04/06/2021 13:57

In your situation I'd do it!

partyatthepalace · 04/06/2021 14:05

Have one! Plenty of people have babies at 40. It really isn’t a big deal. Your age might make you a bit more tired but toddlers are tiring.

Ignore your relatives who obviously enjoy being been and are probably jealous or just generally embittered about life. Crack on quickly if you can as miscarriage risks go up and it gets harder to conceived etc.

TemptedToSleepInTheShed · 04/06/2021 14:47

If you are married and stable financially, a new addition to the family would be absolutely wonderful! Go for it! Best wishes with it - what an exciting adventure XX

Shmithecat2 · 04/06/2021 14:50

I would. I didn't have my ds until 40, and I'd quite happily have another at 46, but dh is a hard No!

BlueSurfer · 04/06/2021 14:52

Yes, defibiwtly I would.

bubblebath62636 · 04/06/2021 14:54

Go for it op!

I had my first at 18 and my second at 31, people say I'm mad to 'start again'. I am so happy to be expecting again I couldn't care less.

There will always be those that say you're too old, young, left it too long!

Treaclepie19 · 04/06/2021 15:45

I'd just reiterate the comment a previous poster mentioned about screening tests.
Just go into it with a little caution.
Personally I wouldn't have a baby at 40 but that's because I've already been through a tfmr (at 28) and couldn't go through it again.
You do whatever makes you happy as long as you're aware of the benefits and risks.

CornishGem1975 · 04/06/2021 15:49

@Nightmanagerfan

I’ve got a two year old who I had when I was 38, and I’m now 41 and 23 weeks pregnant. I haven’t given my age another thought! The only thing is extra scans and monitoring, but I’m healthy and have no reason to worry. We live in London and babies in your 40s are completely normal here.
I didn't have any extra scans or monitoring due to age. It wasn't even mentioned.
theseriousmoonlight · 04/06/2021 15:52

I had dd1 at 38, had a mc at 40 and dd2 2 days before I turned 41. Second pregnancy was harder as I had a tantrum loving toddler and was wfh in a pandemic without childcare for my last trimester. But had a much better birth with dd2. I just wish she slept as well as dd1!

SmallestInTheClass · 04/06/2021 15:57

Yes, I'd go for it if you want to. I had mine at 34 and 36 and have often wished I'd tried for another. I didn't feel up to it straight away with two little ones and by the time I did I was almost 40. I thought it might be too old, but looking back it really wasn't.

peanutbutterandfluff · 04/06/2021 16:07

One more in the chorus saying go for it. I also had my first at 38 and I’m also now 40 and I’m 10 weeks pregnant! I’m in London and older mums are completely normal here.

TheVanguardSix · 04/06/2021 16:15

Oh I absolutely would, OP.
I had DC1 at 29. By 31, I was a loan parent. Met DH a few years down the road and had DC2 at 38 and DC3 at 42.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/06/2021 16:18

If you want another one go for it

Sillawithans · 04/06/2021 16:19

I wouldn't, no way.
It's fine now while you're young but you'll be dealing with stroppy teenagers in your mid to late fifties. Fuck that.