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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £30k is a really nice windfall?

164 replies

OrangePowder · 04/06/2021 09:29

Friend has inherited from his aunt.

She had no children, but was married to a man with one son. Her husband predeceased her but it was always understood that she would make provision for his son in her will. Which she has done.

Friend and his sister, as the closest relatives of the woman were also told that they would inherit. They were expecting 50% of the estate (c. £300k) between them.

In the event aunt has left 50% to the step son (who she raised as her own) and the remaining 50% is split 5 ways, between her nephew, his sister and three others she felt had helped her a lot during her life.

My friend is furious that he was misled and doesn't seem to understand that to have £30k land in your lap is huge. FWIW he has parents in their late 80s who are very well off so can expect a substantial inheritance there too.

I wouldn' t expect to inherit anything from an aunt (or anyone really) so to me £30k would be amazing.

OP posts:
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/06/2021 12:38

"I'm splitting my will between my step-son and your sister and you"

She did split it. Just not evenly.

Supersimkin2 · 04/06/2021 12:47

Wanting more money is a bit U but feeling tricked and hurt is entirely reasonable, nay inevitable.

Nephew probably earned every penny of what he's got in unpaid labour for the old woman, anyhow. I'd call 30k compensation, not a windfall.

JinglingHellsBells · 04/06/2021 12:50

So your friend, @OrangePowder has retired and presumably in his 60s?

(I think a few people have missed this point.)

Couples I know of where the man died and left his estate to his wife, but has children (that are not his wife's bio children) often want everything left to their children, not the wife's relatives.

A friend of ours was allowed to live in her 2nd husband's house when they married in their 50s. When he died, she was given use of the house for life but when she died or had to go into care, it was sold and his sons inherited. She received his pensions as income but he didn't want her adult children to receive part of his estate.

HollowTalk · 04/06/2021 12:51

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

"I'm splitting my will between my step-son and your sister and you"

She did split it. Just not evenly.

No, she also split it between three others as well.
Subbaxeo · 04/06/2021 13:02

@burritofan

£30k is huge. It’s stamp duty and costs and movers and some left over. Or it’s a massive financial cushion. It’s an entire stocks & shares isa annual limit with another £10k leftover. It’s a massive pension boost.

It’s also nothing he was ever entitled to, it’s a gift, and it’s the amount the aunt chose to leave. If she’d wanted him to have £75k, she’d have left him £75k. She didn’t. And where is the mourning her in all this? He should be sad and grateful, not furious.

You are so right. Inheritance and expectation seem to cause so much pain-more so than the pain of the person passing in many cases.
SunshineCake · 04/06/2021 13:03

Some people are just greedy. My father was livid I got left £2k from a grandparent when his other two "proper" children weren't named in the will. It's okay though, he got half a £180k house and his daughter had a five figure wedding.

Subbaxeo · 04/06/2021 13:06

@JinglingHellsBells

So your friend, *@OrangePowder* has retired and presumably in his 60s?

(I think a few people have missed this point.)

Couples I know of where the man died and left his estate to his wife, but has children (that are not his wife's bio children) often want everything left to their children, not the wife's relatives.

A friend of ours was allowed to live in her 2nd husband's house when they married in their 50s. When he died, she was given use of the house for life but when she died or had to go into care, it was sold and his sons inherited. She received his pensions as income but he didn't want her adult children to receive part of his estate.

That’s what we’re doing-second marriages for both of us and we’re buying a house 50/50 with the inheritance to go to our respective children. Please, people, make sure your estate is planned before anything happens. I used to work in financial services and was amazed how people didn’t make arrangements for their estate to go to who they wanted. They expected surviving spouses to ‘do the right thing’- but it’s sobering how money can have a negative effect on people’s morals.
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/06/2021 13:07

Sounds like the son should be pissed off

He got half of his dads estate rather then all of it

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 04/06/2021 13:08

Ungrateful sod.
I hate his grabby attitude.

blahblahblah321 · 04/06/2021 13:09

@Blondeshavemorefun

Sounds like the son should be pissed off

He got half of his dads estate rather then all of it

That's assuming his step mother didn't put anything into the estate? So all she owned was down to her husband?
Tanith · 04/06/2021 13:13

@lottiegarbanzo

There is no evidence in OP's post that they were misled.

OP, do you believe they were misled? What is their evidence for this?

She says it in the OP:

"My friend is furious that he was misled"

Although I'd be grateful for anything from someone's will, I would also feel angry at being lied to. It's insulting that someone would think help would only be given conditionally on expectations of an (exaggerated) inheritance.

Perhaps Op is misunderstanding the reason for her friend's annoyance.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 04/06/2021 13:13

@Blondeshavemorefun

Sounds like the son should be pissed off

He got half of his dads estate rather then all of it

It wouldn’t have been unreasonable for him to have inherited 100% of his dad’s share and 50% of his stepmum’s share which would leave 25% for the other 5 to have a share of. Or as you say, the whole lot because they’re his parents after all!

Imagine turning your nose up at £30k
Yuk

Kissthepastrychef · 04/06/2021 13:17

It rather depends on your financial circumstances and family wealth though whether you consider 30k a huge windfall or not.

Also if you have been told by the person "I've split my will between you and your sister" over many years then I can understand why you might be surprised if that's not the case when it comes to it. As someone else said, I've no idea why people are so funny about their wills but there you are.

My uncle has always maintained I will inherit his whole estate. The other day when I spoke to him he said "oh I'd like to make sure you have these Crystal vases when I die". Which is a bit of a change from "you're getting my house and all my money and belongings". I've never counted on any inheritance from him so it doesn't really matter to us whether we get it or not but I can understand why people, especially if they have been financially banking on the money, get annoyed

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 13:20

@Blondeshavemorefun

Sounds like the son should be pissed off

He got half of his dads estate rather then all of it

He got all his Dad's half of the estate. Perhaps her also had cash inheritance from his Dad. And given were talking about people who are fully fledged adults living away from their parents she thought splitting her half 5 ways would do more good
APJ1 · 04/06/2021 13:20

@IntermittentParps My family's finances are such that I won't inherit or otherwise be gifted a penny from anyone, so the thought of being ungrateful for £30K is

Same, same. Never received anything, never will. LOLing at your username by the way!

IntermittentParps · 04/06/2021 13:22

APJ1, thanks!

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 04/06/2021 13:23

I think the way it was shared out is fair but if she actually told him he would get a big share then changed things without telling him that would be a bit unfair. You can't expect things from someone's will but if they promise you something they should understand that you would be upset if they take that back. If he simply assumed he would get more then that was his mistake and he should have waited to see what she had written in her will.

FangsForTheMemory · 04/06/2021 13:28

You can never count on inheritances. I had one relative leave all their money to charity. Another divided their estate between family members, and some of us hadn't seen him in 30 years.

You can guess which one I think kindly of, every day.

DrCoconut · 04/06/2021 13:33

£30k is a life changing sum of money to me. I'm never likely to get a lump sum that large. It would pay for the deposit on 3 houses here (assuming 10%) or pay 45% of a starter home off outright. It's so dependent on where you live but even so I'd never say £30k makes no difference. If you have everything you could ever want there are so many good causes that you could make a difference for or even spend it on a bucket list holiday if it had to be something for you.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/06/2021 13:35

I'd be over the moon to have this sort of windfall. I wouldn't be retiring but my day to day life would be much easier.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 13:38

It rather depends on your financial circumstances and family wealth though whether you consider 30k a huge windfall or not.
I think if 30k is a windfall then you're far less likely to moan about getting it instead of 75k because it's still a massive life changer. If 30k is so meaningless that it isn't worth the paper work, I doubt 75k would make that much difference either so stop moaning

godmum56 · 04/06/2021 13:41

@cariadlet

£30,000 is a huge windfall and he's very lucky. The will seems to have been drawn up fairly.

But you also said that the aunt had said that she would be splitting the her estate evenly between her stepson, niece and nephew. If that's the case, she deliberately misled her niece and nephew so I can understand why he's angry and upset, especially as he seems to have done a lot for her. She should have said that she had changed her mind about the provisions that she had made in her will.

no she didn't....according to the OP, she said that "they would inherit"
TableFlowerss · 04/06/2021 13:46

@OrangePowder

Personally, I think the step son has a good case to expect that it all went to him, although I understand this isn't what would have happened if she hadn't left a will.
But she did make a will specifically because she wanted to make it clear where she wanted the money to go.

The stepchild is more important to her than the nephew…. Totally understandable that she would leave him the most.

Your friend sounds like a knob!

MustardRose · 04/06/2021 14:00

She's done it right IMO. Half to her husband's relatives's side, and half to hers.

The fact that there are far more for it to be divided between on her relative's side is just unfortunate.

Original poster
OrangePowder · 04/06/2021 14:03

The "other" 3 are friends not relatives.

OP posts: