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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think £30k is a really nice windfall?

164 replies

OrangePowder · 04/06/2021 09:29

Friend has inherited from his aunt.

She had no children, but was married to a man with one son. Her husband predeceased her but it was always understood that she would make provision for his son in her will. Which she has done.

Friend and his sister, as the closest relatives of the woman were also told that they would inherit. They were expecting 50% of the estate (c. £300k) between them.

In the event aunt has left 50% to the step son (who she raised as her own) and the remaining 50% is split 5 ways, between her nephew, his sister and three others she felt had helped her a lot during her life.

My friend is furious that he was misled and doesn't seem to understand that to have £30k land in your lap is huge. FWIW he has parents in their late 80s who are very well off so can expect a substantial inheritance there too.

I wouldn' t expect to inherit anything from an aunt (or anyone really) so to me £30k would be amazing.

OP posts:
SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 11:07

Not everyone lives in ridiculously priced areas, house start from around 15-20k here in the cheaper areas usually for a DIY project and 70-80k is average for a standard family house so 30k is plenty for a deposit and then some.

What a load of rubbish. The average house price is £240k and you'll need to be able to afford the remaining balance. Most people can't just move to a very cheap area leaving behind all their family and friends and expect to find work there.

Dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 04/06/2021 11:07

She quite rightly put the stepson at 50%+....perhaps he should have had more as someone else said. I think with inheritance it all going to children if you have them works best. You should only think about wider family in the event of very large pots. £300k is. Not a very large pot so YANBU that they should be grateful they got anything at all. If I got on well with my stepson I would have left it all to him in honour of the deceased husband.

bananapumpkin · 04/06/2021 11:08

"Of course its enough for a deposit... hell its enough to outright by a starter fixer up house/maisonette.

Not everyone lives in ridiculously priced areas, house start from around 15-20k here in the cheaper areas usually for a DIY project and 70-80k is average for a standard family house so 30k is plenty for a deposit and then some."

According to Zoopla there are only 5 towns in the country with those prices, so that's equally "ridiculous". The OP didn't give any details on area so we're all giving our own views based on our own experiences and situations.

MasterBeth · 04/06/2021 11:16

£30k falling from the sky is amazing.

£30k falling from the sky when you heard there was a £75k parachute with your name on it is less so.

How is this hard to understand?

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/06/2021 11:18

He obviously made some big assumptions, and had probably planned his finances based on the expectation of this inheritance.

Banking on an inheritance like that is a shitty way to behave and YANBU.

Cowbells · 04/06/2021 11:27

£30k is an incredible windfall and very generous. No one should ever assume they will inherit.

I inherited about that amount a few years ago and it has meant things we could never afford became possible - a dream holiday, updating the house, giving DC very generous 18th birthday presents and still have some in the bank. You can do loads and loads of life changing things with £30k if you spend it wisely. They are ungrateful and greedy.

littlepattilou · 04/06/2021 11:30

I am a bit torn here, because it does seem he was mislead a bit, and thought he was getting more, and is not being unreasonable to be a bit miffed.

On the other hand, it does seem a bit grabby, and like someone said further back in the thread, you have to question your morals if you are more miffed about the (lack of) inheritance than your relative dying.

I have never received a single PENNY in inheritance from anyone, but I have known a few people who HAVE inherited. One woman I know inherited THREE TIMES from various older relatives between 2012 and 2018. A total of £250K. And for some reason she still moans about money, as she only has £53K left. Confused She did put £100K on a house in 2016, but that doesn't explain where the other £100K has gone!

When asked, she just responds with 'it's just gone on living expenses!' Confused Fuck knows how she would have survived without the bastard inheritances then! £250K would set me and DH up for life. VERY annoying! Hmm

My mom's cousin's husband was very solvent - had his own business, and a big 7 bedroom house, a villa in Florida, and a proper fancy car. My mom's cousin married him in the 1970s when he was already quite well off. She helped him run the business and they were very happy for many years.

Around half of my extended family; cousins, aunts, second cousins, in-laws etc, sucked up to him and her in the hope of getting something when he (and she) died. They did work for free for him, offered to do his garden, look after his pets, clean his house etc, and all sorts.. My mom's cousin died first, and her husband died 6 months later...

When he died, the whole estate was left to their son, and daughter-in-law, then. Not a penny was left to any of the sycophants. I mean, he never promised anything, but they still expected something!

So the moral of this story is, don't expect fuck-all because no-one is entitled to anything, no matter HOW much you creep up their backside and 'do loads' for them. The money STILL went to his son and daughter in law, who had naff-all to do with creating and running the business.

They inherited and sold it, and made seven figures from it. They are sitting very comfortably now, aged 48 and 49, retired, and never have to work again, whilst the 9 or 10 relatives who crept around my mom's cousin and her husband, don't have a pot to piss in.

I don't know anywhere where you can buy a house for £15K to £20K by the way!!! I mean, there was an offer (some 10 years ago,) from the council, to buy a house in Stoke on Trent, or Hull or I think, for a POUND. But you had to also take a £40K loan with them to do it up, as they were uninhabitable. But now I think they are worth £80K or so.

But even in the cheaper areas in the UK - north east, parts of Wales, and the midlands and the north etc, you'd be paying £80K to £120K for most half decent homes.

Niblings IS actually a real term by the way! A collective term for nieces and nephews. Cute word isn't it? Grin

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/06/2021 11:33

@YanTanTethera123

My grandfather promised me and my sisters £50k each when he died 44 years ago. My father was executor and we didn’t receive a penny. Nor the £25k from my grandmother’s will 4 years later.(I looked up their Wills after my father died recently) so even being left an inheritance counts for sod all if the executor chooses not to do so 😡
You know that wasn't legal, right? It's not down to an executor's choice as to who gets what.
notthemum · 04/06/2021 11:38

He doesn't need the money. He has no mortgage to worry about. He is an ungrateful sod.
If I'd have had 30k 2 weeks ago I could have paid off all my debts and not have had to worry about being very ill and homeless. If he doesn't want it I'll take it off his hands for him.

Sheerheight · 04/06/2021 11:40

He sounds very grabby. Some people are.

My uncle (in a similar situation the aunt mentioned) has apparently left me something in his will, but I have no expectations of the amount, could be £5k , could be more. He could change his mind and leave it all to charity.

ChainJane · 04/06/2021 11:42

He's neither reasonable nor unreasonable. Or maybe he's both. If he was expecting to inherit a lot more he will rightly be disappointed. I know nobody has a right to inherit, but it is wrong for the deceased to have led them to believe one thing while doing another.

On the face of it the split seems fair enough, the stepson should have a greater claim than the siblings or nieces/nephews. But it sounds like the aunt did not manage expectations very well - perhaps using the promise of a decent cash inheritance as leverage.

thecatsthecats · 04/06/2021 11:45

Never make plans for money from inheritance.

I have a wealthy aunt with no partner or dependents, and she gives a generous cash gift from her pension to each of her nieces and nephews each year. She lives in a expensive house.

I can well imagine that she'll be generous to us niblings in her will, but why would I make any plans for that? It's not my money, and she's kind enough to give us lovely gifts all the time.

Branleuse · 04/06/2021 11:47

im really surprised that he would expect to inherit from an aunt at all, let alone be pissed off that its smaller than expected. Its just an aunt. 30k would be bloody lifechanging for me

TheLastLotus · 04/06/2021 12:00

As @cindarellasbelly mentioned you’re looking at this in a very black and white way.

Also if someone repeatedly told you they were going to do something and you spent a lot of time putting up with them it’s natural to be angry that they lied. Because guess what? They did lie. Who likes being lied to? It’s not just the money

SeasonFinale · 04/06/2021 12:08

Surely it should be the stepson who was raised as her own ( so suggested that there was a very long relationship bearing in mind the nephew is retired) who should be more disappointed.

cadburyegg · 04/06/2021 12:10

30k is amazing! I don’t expect my uncles and aunts will leave me anything, if they have an inheritance I can imagine they will leave it to their own children. My mum has nieces and nephews but she’s not leaving anything to them

Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/06/2021 12:11

£30k would almost finish off paying my mortgage, I'd be insanely grateful for that!

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2021 12:12

IF (big if!) he was given to understand that he would be inheriting significantly more, I can understand the distress. He may feel misled and cheated - especially if he's built castles in the sky on what he would do with a much larger sum of money.

But, them's the breaks and he'll have to get over it... eventually.

Blossomtoes · 04/06/2021 12:14

It's not enough for a deposit on a house, for example, which could be what someone in that situation was hoping for

It’s more than enough in many parts of the country.

Who wouldn’t love £30k to drop into their bank account?

fakeplantsdontlookreal · 04/06/2021 12:18

£30K is huge and easily enough for a deposit or a huge chunk towards one. As PP said, he can always give it away if its such a trifling amount.

I am glad that the aunt saw right by her SS , and also, it was her money to do with what she wished, so it is great that she split it between heirs and people who had helped her.

It sounds like she may have mislead them slightly by inferring the 50% would be split between the n/n's, but it is her money to do what she wants with, none of them are entitled to it.

bananapumpkin · 04/06/2021 12:19

@Blossomtoes

It's not enough for a deposit on a house, for example, which could be what someone in that situation was hoping for

It’s more than enough in many parts of the country.

Who wouldn’t love £30k to drop into their bank account?

I'm sure everyone would like it, but it wouldn't mean the same to everyone.

For some it would literally change their lives, for others it wouldn't really impact their lives.

Blossomtoes · 04/06/2021 12:26

For some it would literally change their lives, for others it wouldn't really impact their lives

Obviously. But I’m in the same position as the complaining brother who doesn’t need the money - retired, no mortgage. If it fell into my account it would buy some great holidays - at some point in the dim and distant future. That’s not nothing.

copperpotsalot · 04/06/2021 12:27

Imagine if she hadn't left any to the step son?! That would be worse

ArrrMeHearties · 04/06/2021 12:28

He is being very grabby as 30k in your hand is a lot of money

HollowTalk · 04/06/2021 12:29

I'm not sure why everyone's going on about whether it's enough for a deposit on a house, when the guy's retired with a mortgage-free house. In any case, a deposit on its own can't buy you a house!

I think it all depends on what he was told and what he assumed. If she said, "I'll remember you in my will," then she told the truth - she has. If she specifically said, "I'm splitting my will between my step-son and your sister and you" then I can see why he's thinking he's been a bit duped. But I can't imagine her saying that when she'd written a different will - why would she?