To think I’m too fat to ever meet someone new

[RockstarMartini]

I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been bar pregnancy and I feel disgusting. I’m really lonely but think any man would be revolted by me. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with me again and it makes me so sad. I’m trying to lose weight but it’s hard when you feel so rubbish about yourself 🙁

I have no answer but following because I feel exactly the same way. I’m mostly resigned to it but sometimes it hits me hard and makes me feel very lonely.

I am losing weight but it’s slow and a very long way to go

You’re not disgusting
You can find love at any size, just learn to love who you are first. Buy some nice clothes, do your hair, treat yourself much more kindly

I think it’s the way you feel about yourself that matters. While you feel horrible about yourself, you won’t exude confidence and attraction. So either you need to like yourself more, or get fitter or both. Concentrate on how you feel, though, not what the scales say.

Just because you are heavier than you'd like does not mean you are unattractive or do not deserve to be loved!

Losing weight is hard no matter how you feel about yourself.

Would it help if you put the dating aspect out of your mind for now, and concentrated on the health side?

Meanwhile, you might meet someone when you least expect it.

Poor you . I feel for you. If you'd like a dieting buddy I have 4 stone to lose and am using Noom. If only we could wave a magic wand!

I think it's more likely you're disgusted by yourself, love isn't defined by how you look.

It's been so long since anyone showed interest in me, I feel invisible in real life and online has been a disaster - I get very few matches and when I do they either disappear or it goes nowhere.

I don't get why I'm so unappealing, I look after myself - dress nicely, hair and nails done etc - and think I'm interesting and good fun but it's not enough.

Dating is absolutely a numbers game. Its harder if you aren't conventionally pretty because fewer men will bother to stop and look, but its still a numbers game. You sound like you're doing all the right things, and I bet you actually do look amazing, its just a case of finding that one right man.

Being fat won't stop you meeting someone. I'm fat and I met the most amazing man three years ago, three years after splitting from my exH. Take heart, there is someone out there for you.

I'm not going to ask about your weight because honestly, that's not the issue (in terms of outward reasons why you're not being successful OLD). From your posts I'm assuming you're a single mum with youngish kids. That's immediately going to be an problem for one group of men, though by no means all. You also sound rather confused - your first post is very negative but then the latest one says you think you take care of yourself and are fun and interesting - what does your profile say? Is it a bit generic, nothing specific to latch onto? - I am a single mum to young kids and am short and size 14, so not huge, but big enough for my height. I had a lovely time OLD on Match for a couple of years. My now DP who I met on there was caught by my reference to my favourite author and it went from there. I don't know how long you've been single or the reason why you are but it really helps if you don't project any element of desperation or neediness. Rock your life as a single mum and see a partner as an optional extra - mine is always at somewhat arms length - he's not live in and never will be. Its not the be all and end all really. Don't make not being coupled up the reason to think you're awful and disgusting.

Just lose weight OP!
Pointless to complain about something that you can do something about.

I finally Had a moment of clarity the other day when loosing my rag because something was slightly tight and I couldn’t possibly wear it because my stomach wasn’t flat!? I just thought fuck it . I’m 34 , since my teenage years I’ve been fat , thin . Looked good ( didn’t feel it) it’s never made one bit of difference to my actual confidence. On the surface yes but not internally . It just dawned on after crucifying my self because last summer everything fit and now it doesn’t . Anyway to sum up 😂😂 it won’t make any the person you meet . What if you got to a weight you were happy with and then gained weight ? If you want to loose weight do it by all means but do it only for you and the rest will follow I believe x

No of course not! What you weigh does not define you, it does not outweigh all of your qualities. It's hard to get in the right frame of mind, but stick with it.
I had 3 stone to lose and I couldn't lose more than 6lb for over a year. I found it better to set small goals and make small food changes. Focusing on the bigger picture didn't work for me. It was overwhelming.
Do not give up, you can do this! You deserve to feel good. Do little things to cheer yourself up. Treat yourself to something nice. There's no reason not to.

I dont believe for a moment you are disgusting but certainly if you are very overweight then you will drastically cut down the number of men who are interested. More importantly, whilst your self esteem is low you risk attracting men who will take advantage of that.

So my advice is - work on feeling good about yourself, whether by losing weight, exercising more or whatever- new hobby, new clothes, new haircut, or doesnt really matter. A good relationship will be do much easier to find (and a bad one to avoid) if you find yourself attractive.

I think @BarbarianMum has hit the nail on the head.
In an ideal world what we weigh wouldn't matter (full disclosure I'm 5'9 and a size 16/18) but it does!
I think Tess Holiday is about a UK size 26/28 and I do not think she is physically attractive.
It is hard to advise without knowing roughly what height/size the OP is but there is a point when you get to a certain weight/shape etc that only certain men will be interested.

@underneaththeash if only it was that easy!

@HugeAckmansWife I guess I am confused, I try to dress nicely and wear make-up to look good on the outside but inside I don't like myself physically or as a person very much.

I'm 'only' size 18ish (short with it though) so I dont think I'm going to attract the BBW lovers although I guess that would be something. I know I don't look like the conventional slim blonde dream to men online but surely someone would be interested? I don't get it.

I am a single mum but with an older DD so I cant see why that would put anyone off. My profile is friendly and not desperate - I don't think.

I'm so sick of being alone, I'd settle for a ONS but I cant even get that.

Confidence is more attractive than body shape/size

TBH, I think OLD might be more than 50% of the problem. Do you meet real men IRL at all?

Oh man I hear you. I lose 1/2 stone then put it on then do it again. Etc etc
Also single. Also never have anyone who likes me. It’s a spiral.
Wanted to start again this week but sabotaged it badly.

And it’s bollocks that confidence is more affective! I used to be size 10- people asked me out ALL the time

Im too ugly and ill to meet someone now...sad

Own it and love yourself. There are plenty of attractive overweight women.
Online dating has become very superficial with all the swiping, look locally.

Meet someone locally what does that even mean!! Ffs

@RockstarMartini okay so no where near Tess Holiday then!
Are you bubbly or do you fade into the background? You say you don't like yourself, it will show on the outside (I don't mean make you unattractive, just people will pick up on it)
You need to work on your self esteem and confidence!

@Taliskerskye

And it’s bollocks that confidence is more affective! I used to be size 10- people asked me out ALL the time

Nobody loses weight or even makes the best of themselves while they’re miserable, and if you get two identical twins, it’s the more confident one who will get more attention.